The deed is done. I exchanged some pleasantries with her realtor, signed two inconsequential documents along with a set of initials. I didn’t say anything to WW except when leaving to decide who was picking up the kids.
Now she is free to go off and explore her wildest fantasies that I’ve held her back from during all these years of misery.
And so begins the next chapter in our saga...
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Not "our", this is all about you now. Let her live a saga while you live a life of incredible awesomeness.
AS, good correction. This is my time to reclaim who I am and the man I want to be going forward.
I appreciate the encouragement. I have noticed over the past few months that the small close circle that I have shared some of details of my sitch with have quickly offered suggestions to give up on my MR due to W’s behavior. Honestly, while I know they just want to make me feel better, it doesn’t align with my ultimate goal of R. These POVs are probably not much different than the influences W was following when deciding to BD, IHS, and now physically S. Definitely the biased shoulders. My W has made comments that several have told her to walk away as well although she has zero interest in R right now.
I find that reassurance from members here as well as my inner circle are extremely helpful in giving me strength and supporting my belief to continue standing.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
Not "our", this is all about you now. Let her live a saga while you live a life of incredible awesomeness.
AS, good correction. This is my time to reclaim who I am and the man I want to be going forward.
I appreciate the encouragement. I have noticed over the past few months that the small close circle that I have shared some of details of my sitch with have quickly offered suggestions to give up on my MR due to W’s behavior. Honestly, while I know they just want to make me feel better, it doesn’t align with my ultimate goal of R. These POVs are probably not much different than the influences W was following when deciding to BD, IHS, and now physically S. Definitely the biased shoulders. My W has made comments that several have told her to walk away as well although she has zero interest in R right now.
I find that reassurance from members here as well as my inner circle are extremely helpful in giving me strength and supporting my belief to continue standing.
One thing I've learned following these sitches is no one is more committed to trying to save the MR than the LBS.
However, remember, believe nothing they say. My W had a way of twisting other people's words to fit her narrative. If someone told her "You should work as hard as you can to save your marriage, unless there are lines crossed that you just can't forgive."
Her version would be: "So-and-so said I shouldn't work to save the marriage because you are mean and controlling and those are lines you crossed that I just can't forgive."
Notice how she focused like a laser on the piece she wanted to her, and completely ignored the part she should have paid heed to, and even completely ignored the spirit of the advice! That is a mindset of a WW. So while there are no doubt people that told her that, based on her trumped up, overblown version of the state of the MR, there were also no doubt people that told her she should try to save her MR but she wasn't listening, or heard what she wanted to hear.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
However, remember, believe nothing they say. My W had a way of twisting other people's words to fit her narrative. If someone told her "You should work as hard as you can to save your marriage, unless there are lines crossed that you just can't forgive."
Her version would be: "So-and-so said I shouldn't work to save the marriage because you are mean and controlling and those are lines you crossed that I just can't forgive."
Notice how she focused like a laser on the piece she wanted to her, and completely ignored the part she should have paid heed to, and even completely ignored the spirit of the advice! That is a mindset of a WW. So while there are no doubt people that told her that, based on her trumped up, overblown version of the state of the MR, there were also no doubt people that told her she should try to save her MR but she wasn't listening, or heard what she wanted to hear.
Steve, believing nothing they say is the golden rule when dealing with a WW. It’s sad to say but I can validate, make that verify, that on almost a daily basis.
Originally Posted by curtis7
I followed R2C’s recommendation and said “W, the other day, you asked me to be honest with you about whether I was on a date and I was. I would like you to be open and honest with me. Will you do that?”
W said okay and I asked her if she was interacting with other men. I told her I’m not going to judge and that I just want to understand. She said not sexting like she was before, but there are a few that keep contacting her from the dating app and won’t leave her alone. She said the relationship with 25 year old OM1 is completely over.
Case in point, she doesn’t seem to be engaging in the full blown back and forth sexting to the absolute extreme of describing the erotic details. But, she is heavily flirting and telling OM2 how bad she wants him and to be with him along with exchanging partially nude photos. Oh, and OM1 is texting her again too.
Half truths and lies are the norm. I have no doubt she is ready for all out GGW when she moves out tonight or tomorrow into the separation house. The feedback I’ve received about W’s move out to have sex with OM couldn’t be more true.
The question remains how long the LBH is willing to wait in limbo to see if she starts to come out of the fog. Steve, I know you recommend a year of DB. Don’t know if I can make it that long. Nevertheless, I’m not going to waste my life sitting around for the time I do stand. I am GAL and making my life great without her.
I was curious if anyone can recommend some sitches to read of WW that have moved out and in active PA’s that R? I could really use some success stories to give me hope.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
She said the relationship with 25 year old OM1 is completely over.
Originally Posted by curtis7
But, she is heavily flirting and telling OM2 how bad she wants him and to be with him along with exchanging partially nude photos. Oh, and OM1 is texting her again too.
I seriously believe many of these sitches could be made into Hollywood movies, fantasies and/or tradgedies, maybe even comedies.
Here is a snippet of her latest exchange with OM1 today: OM1: “You still getting divorced?” W: “Yep” OM1: “At your own place yet?” W: “Moving tonight and tomorrow” OM1: “You wanna keep hooking up or you good?” W: “Yeah, I do!” W: “But busy week and bad timing. Monthly visitor is here. F’n annoying.”
And yesterday with OM2: OM2: “I want to make it very hard for you to want another man, even if for a night. Say...you go out with your girlfriends and you meet a guy.” W: “It is already. I want you...here. Now. Wish I wasn’t frickin bleeding.”
She also had a screenshot from another guy 5 years younger than her on the dating app, his catch phrase states: “Looking for a sugar baby type of thing”
My WW is so far gone. The more I see these types of things, the easier it is to detach. I’m starting to understand what it feels like to allow this stuff to roll off my back like water off a duck.
I’m almost NC with her now, kids only. I’ve been hitting the gym hard and took the kids to volleyball tonight. As I was leaving the house with them, the instigator, divorced BFF was pulling in and had her car loaded with empty bins to help her move. BFF must be ecstatic to gain another WW to placate some of her misery of being divorced.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
curtis those text messages sound brutal. glad that you are making it roll off your back. gives me a glimpse of what i can expect my WW did as well. I never got a chance to see any. she guarded that phone with her life. but i walked in on her once when she was having phone sex with an OM !!! She admitted it.
In my wife's depression i made the mistake of signing her up at a gym per the psychologist recommendation. i paid for both (IC and gym memnership) for 2 years. The gym was my waterloo. She had every guy hitting on her. At the time I thought she was the faithful beautiful soul I had married. But she went WW within weeks. Per the disconveries I am making now, and her recent confessions to me. I wish I had never signed her up.
Our lawyer appointment is tomorrow to start paperwork on D so we are on similar timelines.
I too will be entering new uncharted territory.
Last edited by gzabetas; 04/03/1904:43 AM.
B.D in December 2018 Physical Affairs discovered in April 2019 Divorced May 2019 H (me) 49 W (her) 29
How, and more importantly why, are you reading her texts? You've already verified she's unfaithful. Any reason to subject yourself to this? I think it's probably bleeding over into other parts of your life. I hope you change your focus onto your life, work, kids.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
