Please start a new thread and link your two threads together. Thanks!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She just sat in her car in the driveway for 30 minutes texting away and didn’t come in the house. She continued to isolate herself at the game, sitting alone and glued to her phone.
That's pretty typical WAS behavior. My XW would lay in bed next to me texting away and eventually fall asleep with her phone in her hand. Looking back I am struck with how incredibly disrespectful that is. It changes with time. Whenever I'm around W now the phone is nowhere to be seen. For S's bday we did an escape room, dinner, arcade games and then presents and I never saw her phone once. But yes this is how it will be for a while.
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After the game I watched the movie Fireproof and was amazed how it paralleled several experiences in my sitch. It had me teary eyed a few times as I could feel the pain of what he was going through. If only it was that easy to reconcile and we all could have a Hollywood ending. I do plan to check out the book referenced in the movie, but I gather the actions in the book are not easy to implement when separated.
Yes "Hollywood ending" is exactly what Fireproof is selling. Like most Hollywood endings it is selling false hope. You are quite right, you can't implement that program in a WAS situation. Like most of these "quick fixes" it has the best chance of working during the earliest signs of trouble. By the time you've been BD'd this kind of stuff does not work, it's just another form of pressure on the WAS at a time they want no pressure.
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A group of women (mom’s from S8’s baseball team that I coach) at the party offered to plan a get together for me to celebrate. I think I’ll take them up on the offer. Should I have them invite WW?
No. It's OK to invite her to join you for the kids' bdays but not your own.
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I wonder if she feels any remorse for tearing the family apart.
Yes she feels bad about it, but she feels justified because in her eyes it was YOU that caused this. She felt unloved and abandoned for so long that she felt this was the only way out for her. You've been unhappy since BD, but she's been unhappy far longer than that. Whether you agree with that or not you need to try and understand it, because that's how she feels and her feelings are everything to her. For you to blame her just seems like "more of the same behavior" to her.
Yes she feels bad about it, but she feels justified because in her eyes it was YOU that caused this. She felt unloved and abandoned for so long that she felt this was the only way out for her. You've been unhappy since BD, but she's been unhappy far longer than that. Whether you agree with that or not you need to try and understand it, because that's how she feels and her feelings are everything to her. For you to blame her just seems like "more of the same behavior" to her.
AnotherStaner,
My Situation was very similar to curtis's and i find this comment interesting...
This is definetly what my ex was saying about how i never saw how unhappy she was... It was first months, then that year (2018) , then years, then since my youngeat was born ( 7 years ago ) - so she has been unhappy for 7 years yet had 2 more children with me during that period...
From your experience, have the WAW been unhappy for "far longer than that". Or is that just the justification for their actions ?
Not trying to thread hijack, but my ex and me got on well - or i thought we did, but now the rose tinted specs i wore are gone, i see she was always happy when she got what she desired.. The rows we had occured when my rational brain tried to reason with her "i want it now mentality"... She would accuse me of being controlling ( regardless of if we could afford it / good deal / bad deal etc ) and i would usually find a way / sensible solution to get her what she wanted. That would restore the status quo until the next time - and the texts exchanged / photos show happyness, regardless of her claims after BD.
Just interesting to hear thoughts on if the WAW was unhappy for a long time, or do some people just cross then line then use the unhappyness as an excuse.
thanks
Last edited by Cadet; 04/10/1912:45 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
