Hit by the dreaded ILYBNILWY part 2

[mikeyb]

So just a bit more of an update. Haven't seen the W since EA discovered. She left the house and hasn't been back since with the exception of yesterday while I was at work but was gone before I got home. Communication has been pretty much non existent with the exception of a few texts she sent that I haven't responded to. Other then that I'm out enjoying the day today at Busch gardens with my mom and gonna see a concert they are having tonight.

[mikeyb]

This past weekend was really tough. I did get out, spent Saturday at busch gardens with my mom then went to my parents house on Sunday and spent the day there. Yesterday I was home all day, taking care of household chores and played some video games with a close friend. Doing all that was great, but coming home / being home in an empty house really brought me down (I did have my dogs who stayed really close to me through all this). I haven't talked to my W now for 6 days. She came home briefly yesterday to swap vehicles and grab a few things in the morning after she got off work. The dogs woke me up when she arrived but I didn't say anything to her and she didn't say anything to me and like that she was gone again.

I have so many different feelings right now it's crazy. From feeling betrayed, lied to, led on, insecure, lonely, you name it. And somehow, with her putting me through all of this pain I still don't want to give up on her, and at the same time I can see some of the pain I put her through, but I never did anything like this to her (Although she did accuse me when I found out about her EA of going on her facebook and looking at woman on the other side of the country, which for one, I never had access to her facebook except when we needed to reset her account and she needed my help, and two, why would I even do something like that on HER facebook????). BTW she has also on the night of finding out about the EA she deleted her facebook account completely.

Anyway, I scheduled today off last week to try and get some things in order and run some errands, the W doesn't know I'm off since we've had no contact so who knows if she's going to come by today to take care of the dogs or not.

[ovrrnbw]

Don't try to be there when she comes around just to have a chance talk, it won't work out like you want it to. You'll get over the affair Mikey. Just try to see her for who she is, not who she was. Read Davide's thread for a how-to on working through your emotions. It takes time.

Take your space, don't pursue. If she ever changes her mind you'll know.

[mikeyb]

Don't try to be there when she comes around just to have a chance talk, it won't work out like you want it to. You'll get over the affair Mikey. Just try to see her for who she is, not who she was. Read Davide's thread for a how-to on working through your emotions. It takes time.

Take your space, don't pursue. If she ever changes her mind you'll know.

I wasn't intentionally trying to be here when she came by. Just because of no contact she didn't know I was off, i didn't feel I needed to let her know I was taking the day off. She saw that I was home and just left, sent me a text later giving me hell for being home and not telling her so she could have kept the car another day, but it's whatever I ignored the text and didn't respond.

I've been doing better being by myself, the loneliness is starting to fade. I miss her, but I'm managing it. Been sleeping better as well the last few days. I still haven't had any contact with the W, besides the text she sent and me sending a simple text apologizing for my behavior when I found out about the EA. I was a bit of a jerk, but my emotions were holding the steering wheel. I should have walked away and addressed it later, but I didn't. So I felt an apology was needed when I thought about how I reacted.

Other than that, nothing else has changed. Stressing out more and more about my financial situation because I have no idea if she plans to give the landlord a 30 day notice or not on the 1st which would give me 1 month to figure out what the heck I'm going to do.

[mikeyb]

So the W came by to get the car, started with me again asking if I'm moving. Around and around, I told her again "we've discussed this, I don't have the money to move right now" she said if she needs to move she will get a storage unit and stay at her friends and leave me to deal with everything. It was basically a round and round convo, I'll move, I'll stay, I'll move, I'll stay. Exhausting... Still not sure what her intentions are, but she said she can't keep bouncing back and forth between here and her friends. Said that I get to live comfortably while she is suffering and I'm causing it. Saying she hates it in the guest room her stuff won't fit in there and it's a mess (she's completely unorganized so ya, her fault) and I get to enjoy the MBR and the whole house, that she has to bounce back and forth from her friends and here and I'm enjoying all this at her expense. I told her that I am not making her do anything and that is your choice you are making, I am not moving out of the MBR. Then she took off again.

[ovrrnbw]

Mikey,

I was just thinking about you yesterday. I hope you are planning your next place to live. You need to be prepared for that. Also, have you set a plan in motion for your teeth? Like an extra jobs or extra hours and a separate savings account that you put OT money into?

As for your W, let her flip and flop while your worry about yourself. She doesn't know what the hell she's doing.

[mikeyb]

Mikey,

I was just thinking about you yesterday. I hope you are planning your next place to live. You need to be prepared for that. Also, have you set a plan in motion for your teeth? Like an extra jobs or extra hours and a separate savings account that you put OT money into?

As for your W, let her flip and flop while your worry about yourself. She doesn't know what the hell she's doing.

Yea I'm letting her do her thing, she gave me half the rent yesterday so the landlord stopped by today to get it. While I was talking with her (she knows everything thats going on, the W told her a few months ago) she was asking how I'm holding up, and said the W seems crazy for everything she's doing. I just laughed, and she said the W was asking about getting a roommate and she told me that it's not going to fly. It's either we work it out and stay, or we both go. She straight up said You came together, you go together. So there's that. As for planning myself a place, I am waiting to hear back from my dad, he's trying to secure me a short term loan (3 weeks) to pay off my current 401K loan, the balance is at about $2300. Once I pay that off I have to wait 15 days then I can initiate another loan from my 401K and get about $9K at which point I would payoff the short term loan my dad got, the wedding loan which is at $1,700 (I will collect half that from the W) put a down payment on a car and trade in my truck which would slash my vehicle payment in half and have enough left over for a deposit to move if needed.

As for my teeth that will be project #2, once I get myself a car I can do Uber/LYFT driving again as overtime at work is non existent, I do get my full 40 but no overtime is being offered right now. And I will do that as much as I can to put money away to get my teeth worked out.

So I have a plan to get what I need, it's just everything is so short term that's going on and I only just started getting my paycheck back 2 weeks ago so I haven't had any time to try and save.

[mikeyb]

Update, was really pi**ed at the W yesterday. When she left, she told me she would stay here during the day to take care of the dogs and be gone before I came home. Since she left, she has come by twice. Yesterday she came by, but literally right after I had left the house for work at 4am, and was gone by 5am. I drive an hr to work, and work a 10 hr shift, the drive home takes anywhere from 1 1/2 hrs to 2hrs. My bigger dog has to stay in his crate when no one is home because he will get into stuff. Well yesterday, my dog that was in the crate really needed to go out during a time she should have been here. I have a camera set facing his crate so I can check on him during the day, he started crying to go out at 8:30am until 10am when he couldn't hold it any more and was stuck laying in the mess from 10am until I got home after 5pm. She said she just doesn't want to be here, and I said why do the dogs have to suffer because of your choice to not be here. She says she loves the dogs and cares what happens to them but showed zero emotion for what he had to stay in yesterday.

I'm at the point where I am getting sick & tired of her selfishness and child like behavior. Over the last 4 months she has turned into a completely different woman, without a care for anything or anyone but herself.

[IHCLACS]

MikeyB that really [censored] and sounds inhumane. Although that is inexcusable, I notice a lot of W'S and WAW'S imcluding my own turn selfish. Some more to an extent than others. Some are just selfish specifically to their estranged spouses, but not others around them.
This is going to sound crazy, but sometimes our spouses become selfish because they just gave and gave and gave in the R. Sometimes we may have unawaringly missed it, or took it for granted. Sometimes their resentments build up, as well as their expectations, ruminations, and disappointment. My question is, really dig deep, look inward, and ask yourself. What have you done in the past that was selfish? Really think. There is a pattern I am noticing with the WW and WAS. May not be everyone's case, but I notice they mirror our old behaviors, desires, hobbies, choices, etc, but in their own way, by their own decision.

[Tryhard]

It’s up to you now . Track down coach’s posts on what is attractive for a man . Strength , generosity ( not just money , emotionally too) , intelligence, PATIENCE, understanding, caring, compassion, communication, direction,stable , leading. Get your mom or dad or friend to help with the dog . I want to see you as a success story , you can do it . The quicker you can get control of YOURSELF, the quicker and easier things will turn around. Set some non R related goals , get ‘em done .

Up to you , but I know you can do it