I am a newbie posting, here, but have read these posts for several months. I greatly appreciate all the wonderful advice I've seen thus far. I'm in this particular thread because I am now a LBS (I'm assuming that means Left Behind Spouse?) from a H in MLC.
Sometimes I get confused about what my situation really is. My H, who I believe is in MLC, has also been an alcoholic for the majority of our 18 years together. (He only sobered for 4 years whilst our daughter was very young.)
When I met him, 20 years ago, and we forged a friendship, he was sober. However, then he worked abroad for a few years and came back as a drinker. Yet, I had already formed the bond, and our relationship turned into more at that point. Reason: I was told a story about the drinking, and that it really wasn't a problem. The reason he had gone to AA in the past was for drug reasons from his youth which he would never allow into his life again.
Anyway, many years have passed, and much arguing about the drinking, but I still felt a love connection all that time. He still apologised and tried to pursue.
Well, he turned 49 nine months ago, and he announced that he felt numb for me and couldn't see us growing old together. That's when it became apparent that he was going into MLC. I took it as a cry for help. I agreed to go to counselling for the things he thought I had: OCD, Anger Management Issues.
He also went to some counselling sessions (which he now sais that the therapist told him to move on), but was also simultaneously forging an emotional connection with a female work colleague. (I now know.) Too, the drinking continued, and escalated at times, and his willingness to connect got less and less. It was as if he couldn't even stand to come home to have dinner with us.
We tried to make it work, or at least I did, but he's now moved out to a flat far away. Said I was too controlling.
He's said so many things in the past months that just sound so bizarre. He's never been the "most" responsible person when it came to the majority of our home life (Great worker and very responsible there!), but I truly had thought that he took pride in being a fairly good husband, father and provider. It's as if none of that matters any more. He told me very recently that he's Impetuous and that doesn't work with someone like me who needs stability. Which follows suit with the other things he's been saying like, "We've just grown apart." But he's also said, in the last month, that he never really loved me, never really let me in, etc.
I haven't seen too many posts from people who have MLC H who are also highly functioning alcoholics, so part of me is wondering if our Crisis is one where the alcoholic is just finally ready to stop trying to make it work with the non-alcoholic or what. (It seemed to get worse after his last binge 3 months ago, when I told him I wouldn't be drinking with him anymore. That's when plans to separate escalated.)
Does any of this resonate with any of you?
WWHWU = When will he wake up
M: 48 H: 49 D: 14 MLC Bomb: 05/17 Sep:12/17 M: 16 years in 02/18 OW: 02/18 D: Pending
Welcome! Please start a thread of your own so that people can have the opportunity to post directly to you on your thread. By creating your own thread, it will not only help you keep track of your progress, but also it will allow us to post directly to you and follow you and your progress, i.e., your journal of sorts.
Jack passed away a couple of years ago. I would suggest that you start a thread of your own on this forum and allow others to post to you and provide advice and friendship.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for this! Love how you explain it all, especially regarding the kids, I just want to be the best mum I can be and hopefully my husband comes out of his midlife crisis soon.
