Midlife wife crisis4

[AnotherStander]

Help how do I answer. Why is she torturing me? Why does she text this to me? Here is exactly what she just text me:

“I’m sure it’s the weather... I woke up very sad to think of how bad our relationship has become. I never ever thought this would be us.”
The relationship is bad because she is making it that way. I know in her mind it’s me but what do I do or say? I feel like I make mistakes and I want to play by DB rules.

I know it's tempting to say something like "oh but it doesn't have to be this way" but you are far better off just not replying at all.

[SteveLW]

AS said it. Remember the texting rule:

Only respond to questions, and then only with as few words as possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers. If there is no question, THEN DO NOT RESPOND.

She keeps yo-yoing you. "He's getting too far away, let me reel him back in...................Okay, he is back in now let him fall to the bottom of the string!"

CUT THE STRING.

[SteveLW]

If she brings the delay in responding up again, a simple "I was busy." is all you need.

[Wolfman]

Thank you AS and Steve for your quick response. I should have probably mentioned the first text asked me if I was going to the wake after school. One of he dance moms passed away from cancer. So, I will reply later with a yes and the time. Only reason mentioning the time so she knows I will still be picking the kids up from school. I will not acknowledge the other text about her being sad.

[SteveLW]

Thank you AS and Steve for your quick response. I should have probably mentioned the first text asked me if I was going to the wake after school. One of he dance moms passed away from cancer. So, I will reply later with a yes and the time. Only reason mentioning the time so she knows I will still be picking the kids up from school. I will not acknowledge the other text about her being sad.

Perfect.

[LH19]

W,

Are you in IC?

You want to date? You’re still married, obsessed with your W and you live with your parents. How do you think that will go for you?

[Wolfman]

I didn’t respond right away and I got another text hour later, “ok then”. I finally responded that I was going and the time and that I will be home for the kids.
I bet she will say something about me not acknowledging her being sad.

LH I am in IC. I don’t know how it will go. Just a question, a bad one I guess.

[SteveLW]

I bet she will say something about me not acknowledging her being sad.

A) This is her temp-checking and doesn't merit a response.

B) Her sadness is not your job right now. It was before she fired you as her H. And might be again if you two ever R.

[Wolfman]

Here she goes again:
And really? Again you don’t acknowledge my text??
Why you feel the need to make this so much worse than it already is? You apologize and apologiZe but then I try to make things civil and get along and I get nothing back! Is that how you want it?
Then she tried to call me twice and I did t answer then I got this text:
It really is so sad this is bringing me back to all the times you didn’t answer me... horrible feeling.

I haven’t responded yet.
I hope you all are right, because right now it doesn’t feel right to me.

Now she wants me to call her.

[LH19]

Yes W that is how I want it moving forward. I need time and space to heal and move on. Please only contact me in regards to the children or finances.

She’s trying to manipulate you.