R2C and LH thanks for the 2x4’s. I need them. I guess the ignoring part is hard because I’m her mind when it came to text messages and phone calls in the past before BD, she feels I ignored her. She always expected me to respond right away or answer the phone. So for her it’s more of the same, even though that was not true. I understand what everyone is saying, please don’t think I am not listening. I guess for me what I am suppose to do is what she complained about in the past. That’s were I get confused. I want to do what you all are telling me to do but then I think that was her complaint. I will keep listening and working at what you all are telling me to do. You guys have the experience and have seen this a bunch of times. Thank you all for keeping me on track and hitting me with those 2x4’s.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
R2C and LH thanks for the 2x4’s. I need them. I guess the ignoring part is hard because I’m her mind when it came to text messages and phone calls in the past before BD, she feels I ignored her. She always expected me to respond right away or answer the phone. So for her it’s more of the same, even though that was not true. I understand what everyone is saying, please don’t think I am not listening. I guess for me what I am suppose to do is what she complained about in the past. That’s were I get confused. I want to do what you all are telling me to do but then I think that was her complaint. I will keep listening and working at what you all are telling me to do. You guys have the experience and have seen this a bunch of times. Thank you all for keeping me on track and hitting me with those 2x4’s.
Let's play a game and say her complaint was that you two didn't have enough sex prior to BD. Are you going to start trying to initiate sex with her now? Of course not. Same with these other things. Your opportunity to be attentive to her was BEFORE BD. On BD she essentially fired you as her H. You no longer should respond to every whim of texting or calling she has. That is why you need to say what LH suggested. Set the expectation. Then follow through. She is manipulating you with this "You are still ignoring me!" garbage. And unless she is dumber than a box of rocks, she even understands this distinction.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The more you try to cater to her and please her after she fired you as her husband the lower your value decreases in her eyes. She’s manipulating you and losing more respect for you. How can you change the dynamics?
Steve when you put it like that you are so right. Thank you for making me see it from that perspective. LH I guess I never looked it at that way. I always felt that I should try and make things “right” i never thought that she would lose respect, I always thought she would appreciate it more. But I know you are right. It’s sad that I fear losing her and my decisions are a lot of times based on fear. When really I lost her already. You are all so right I have this little bit of hope that me doing nice things for her will bring her back when it’s probably doing the opposite. So yesterday we were trying to figure who’s got the kids what days. She has plans Thursday. So she just text me what day do I have Friday or Saturday? I didn’t respond. I am going to tell her both days. Probably when I see her later today when we exchange kids. She going out Thursday night because we are off Friday. We are both teachers. The whole following week. I use to love when we had days off, now because of our situation I hate it.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
You will only hate having time off for a short while . Once you get GALing again it will make you happy . Make use of the time while you can my friend q
