I guess the ignoring part is hard because I’m her mind when it came to text messages and phone calls in the past before BD, she feels I ignored her. She always expected me to respond right away or answer the phone. So for her it’s more of the same, even though that was not true.
Wolf, right now you are in panic mode. Try and settle down, this is a marathon, not a sprint. I know you are afraid of saying or doing the "wrong" thing and that it'll make things worse, but the damage is already done and now your focus needs to change to yourself and your kids. Just try and relax and take a long-term view.
Try and step back for a second and see your sitch from our point of view. Your W fired you as H, but yet she wants you to be at her constant beck and call over all things great and small. She wants immediate responses to calls and texts. What is that? MANIPULATION. What happens when you don't let yourself be manipulated? EXTORTION. "See you haven't changed, if you would change and answer all my calls and texts right away then maybe there's a chance we could get back together." Do you think for one iota of a second that there's ANY truth in that? Because there's not. Don't allow yourself to be controlled.
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I guess for me what I am suppose to do is what she complained about in the past. That’s were I get confused. I want to do what you all are telling me to do but then I think that was her complaint.
I understand. Some of it is hard to make sense of. But the things you did wrong before BD should have been fixed before BD. Once you've been BD'd, it's "too little too late" in her eyes. Her complaints post BD are simply to EXPLAIN to you why the M is over. They are not suggestions on things you can change to save the M, that ship has already sailed in her eyes. So your focus is no longer on placating an unhappy wife. It's what you can do to save yourself, make yourself more attractive, strong and independent. And THAT is what may eventually attract her back. And that is where our advice comes in.
Thank you everyone for your responses. I will make today a good DBing day. So many great insights. Please stay close today I will be on here a lot to keep you up to date of what’s going on. I know she is not going to like that response, I know it’s not about her now, it’s about me. I have let her manipulate and control me for too long. Keep the advice coming guys, I want to get my “mojo” back. She responded already: So wait you aren’t giving me an option of going out one day? I offer you a choice and you take both? No problem .
Last edited by Wolfman; 04/16/1904:02 PM.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
We usually make it up at the beginning of the week. Usually follows the same pattern. But now we have a week off. So, we are going to have to decide on how to do it. I already suggested we alternate days taking kids. Keep in mind I live at my parents house right now. So they always sleep at our home. I just take them out for the day when it’s my day.
Last edited by Cadet; 04/16/1905:22 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Here is a copy of the new link. Please offer advice vets I really appreciate it. I know later which I will only see her for a few minutes when I leave she will bring up why I took both days or how selfish I am. How should I respond to that when it comes up?
