Every person here has heard it in one form or another. Mine was " I can't help it that my feelings changed".
The quickest way back to her is to go in the opposite direction. Start to build an awesome life for you and the kids and maybe some day she will want to join you.
Time and space are the only thing that turns these situations around long term.
We don’t have the data because most move on and don’t update us. From the research I have done it typically takes the WAS two years to realize they made a mistake. At that point the LBS has moved on and is no longer interested in recon.
So do I file and show her I mean business or let it lay and let all matters stay in her hands and timeline? I don't want a divorce. I want to keep the family together.
I tried to initiate D last week. Don't do it unless you are absolutely 100% sure from a place of strength and non emotion and not fear and emotion that you are 100% done with this person in your life. Trust issues and all. Otherwise it will backfire. Get your papers ready for that day. They may change their minds or feelings again. You are dealing with a deluded thinking emotional creature. Do you understand what detachment and boundaries does? It shows you are willing to walk away from this non sense. These power plays. It gives you value and self respect, it protects you, and your family. They may not care, or they may eventually care and snap out of it. Its a matter of self respect, value, battle of wills, what is right to you and for you. You cannot convince them, so let them go, and let them walk. There are no tricks or shortcuts.
You answered your own question. You will not get the response you’re looking for. The person who cares the least about the relationship is the one in control. She’s in control right now but that will change if you choose for it to happen.
In all likelihood your W is having an affair. Is that a dealbreaker for you?
So do I file and show her I mean business or let it lay and let all matters stay in her hands and timeline? I don't want a divorce. I want to keep the family together.
IH and LH said it. You don't file to "get a reaction" out of her, because she wants D anyway so all you are doing is giving her exactly what she wants. Plus you are doing the work for her so that's a bonus. AND the cherry on the cake is she gets to tell everyone "well I wasn't sure what I wanted but HE was the one that pushed the divorce through so I had no say in the matter." So she gets to blame you too! It's a win-win for her!
If you don't want a D then do NOTHING. Don't talk to her about it, don't send her texts/ emails/ article links, just pull back and give her time and space. Often when the LBS removes all pressure then the WAS no longer feels the need to push for D.
