Possible WAW?

[Hallzy9]

Hey Sandi,

I don’t have proof. She is planning on moving out in a month. I am not doing her any favors. When I leave to GAL I haven’t even been saying where I am going. What do you recommend me doing to not put up with her sh’t?

Thanks

[Ready2Change]

You have all the proof you needed on how she responded.

[Hallzy9]

Fair enough, so just go dark for now, which I have pretty much been doing, except for child information?

Thanks,

[Ready2Change]

My reply was “might move, might stay.”

"I have not decided." or "I am still making my decision"

[Hallzy9]

Hey guys, just journaling

So. I have been busy GAL. I already was good at GAL but now when im not working or spending time with my son I am almost never at the house. Been playing a ton of hockey and working out 6 days a week. I already did these things before but I am really doubling down to stay out of the house.

Like I said, I took back the MBR. W is still sleeping in the MBR but usually starts out as far on the edge of the bed as she can get. As the night goes on she creeps closer to me and sometimes touches me.

I have been reading a lot of threads and read a lot about As. I believe she is having an EA because of her privacy with her phone and how she reacted when I went through her phone questioning what I had seen. I do not believe she has had a PA. I am sure a PA would be a deal breaker for me. After reading other threads I am not sure if an EA would be a deal breaker.

Looking back at my mistakes I have realized that my main problems were:
Not being affectionate enough
Not speaking her love language
Not listening to her properly
Dismissing her feelings and concerns
Jokingly putting her down (we joked around a lot at each other’s expense and while it doesn’t bother me I am sure she might have taken some of the jokes personally)
Arguing instead of agreeing

I realize now how that all these things can add up and looking back I believe I could have been emotionally neglecting her. For this reason I am thinking that an EA may be justified on her part. It just depends on how deep the EA is, which I do not know. Hopefully I will find out more in the future.

Anyway today she initiated a discussion about how we will split child care when her and her mom move out in a month. It’s the first time in like 3 weeks we had a relaxed conversation. I listened well and validated her thoughts on the matter. We came to an agreement pretty easily. We even joked around a little and had a laugh (also first time in a month).

I have accepted that this M is over and that maybe we will R in the future and maybe not. I think my detaching is going well because I know that either outcome will be okay. I am really trying to focus on bettering myself and fixing those issues I stated above.

I think she has noticed my detachment because she has seemed far calmer and less cold over the past couple days. I guess I will stay the course and hopefully some light will be shed on the possible EA. I am wondering how things will go when she moves out. It really seemed like she had a tough time when I spent a few days away in a hotel. Anyway lots to do today, talk to you later.

[Hallzy9]

Hey guys just journaling again,

Things have been weird the last 2 days. I have been doing an excellent job detaching. I was going out to dinner with some friends the other night and as per GAL I haven’t been informing my W of my plans ahead of time. She blew up at me angrily saying “you just come and go as you please without saying anything to me and it’s pissing me off.” I validated well but as she kept talking to me with anger I told her she can’t talk to me like that and the conversation was over unless she could be calm.

Anyway went out to dinner with the boys and had a good time. As we were about to leave the restaurant a girl came up to me and was like my friend thinks you’re hot, here’s her number. She was good looking and it felt good to get some attention haha. Will hold off on contacting her a while obviously lol.

The W has initiated some talks mainly involving our child care routine once she moves out. It seems like we come to an agreement and then she will text me about it or talk to me about it again. After these talks she keeps asking if there’s anything else I want to talk about which I deny.

She has been way less cold to me the last few days, she has been asking me personal questions and is acting suspicious of who I’m texting. Or going out with. Maybe she finally feels no pressure or something. She asked the other day if I could build a dresser in her new apartment next month. I said no that’s not how separation works. She responded by cuddling me with her leg and saying we are still married though. I didn’t bite, seems to be trying to cake eat.

She initiated R talk last night. She asked me if I was gonna sleep around which I did before we were together. I didn’t confirm or deny but asked her if that was what she would do. She said that she just wanted to go out with friends more. Seems pretty obvious on this talk that she plans on dating others after she moves out so fine, I will do the same? She also said that everyone was recommending counseling to her but that she didn’t want to. I asked why but she responded vaguely “because I don’t want to go to counseling”. So I didn’t push for more.

After the R talk in the middle of the night we had our first sexual interaction in like a month. I think I initiated while half asleep but she went along with it. After, she said “we shouldn’t be doing that” to which I responded “it was just for fun, it didn’t mean anything”.

I’m just really curious about this change in attitude all of a sudden. She was so cold and distant a week ago and now it almost seems like she is pursuing me hard at times?

[Ready2Change]

If she ask about you seeing other people:

"I have not intention of making my life more complicated by getting involved with another woman."

or

"The last thing I need in my life right now is to make it more complicated by getting involved with another woman"


I think you handled things good. If you didn't, might want to use protection going forward. I would also "be different" in bed next time. Surprise her.

[Hallzy9]

Thanks ready,
I will remember that if it comes back up.

Just remembered that when my wife had commented that “we’re still married”,
I responded “it’s pretty much been an in-house separation for the last month”.
She replied, “I’m trying to detach from you”.

Kinda crazy her saying that. Makes me wonder if she is reading something similar to DB.

[Hallzy9]

Hey guys,

So past 4 days or so W has been pretty pleasant. Starting conversations with me and laughing about stuff our Son does. Still DBing well, and feel pretty detached. Feels good. Wondering if she just doesn’t feel pressured anymore.
Around BD whenever I tried to say goodbye as she left for work she wouldn’t acknowledge me. Past few days she has been saying goodbye hope you have a good day, to which I respond with a pleasant you too!

Today the W texted me asking if I had seen a lawyer to which I responded no have you? ( I was actually planning on calling one this afternoon just to protect myself lol). She said no then asked if I had filed for divorce. I replied no have you? To which she replied no.

I know I’m not supposed to try to mind read but what is going through her head. I just wanna say “wtf you are the one leaving me, remember?” I didn’t say that but ended the convo with a gotta go talk to you later. I’m confused as to why she would be thinking I filed for D when we had an R talk two days ago where I made it clear I wasn’t the one leaving the relationship.

Also wondering if she is classified as WW or just WAW. She hasn’t been acting too crazy apart from me suspecting a texting EA of some sort. The extent I have no clue about. Thanks!

[SoTorn]

Its best to just stop wondering what she is doing and why. You will never figure it out. Cheeseless tunnel. Keep focusing on yourself. Don't fall for those temperature checks.

Usually when they blame you for doing things, its a reflection of their own behavior. If she is supicious of your phone usage, its because she probably hides her phone and is doing something.

WW is if she is cheating. WAW is without the cheating. If you suspect she is cheating, she is probably cheating, EA or PA.

Also, WW/WAW don't want to do the work. She is probably hoping you will file for D so she can blame you for it. I made mine file. She first used D as a threat, then I found out about PA, then she wanted D and I told her that I wouldnt stop her. Took her 8 months to finally go file.