Quick update, and opinions. Hopefully Sandi will respond and chime in. But you know I value all of your opinions.
The other night, my W and I were intimate. (This aspect of our marriage has been so much better since we started Ring.) If you remember, one of my W's requests as we started Ring was not to open mouth kiss with tongue (sorry if too graphic), especially during sex. At first I was taken aback by that. But as we worked with our MC, and as I got more information through independent research (including talking to two women I know who are the same way with their husbands), this is not all that unusual.
So back to the other night. As we were cuddling afterward, I was kissing her neck, and cheek, and I went to give her a peck on the lips. She opened her mouth briefly and her tongue probed (again, sorry if too graphic) briefly. I quickly went back to the kissing of her cheek and neck again.
So looking for opinions on this. I am intrigued by this and wondering if I should be attaching any significance to it. If there are any action I should take? I noticed she has been lingering longer when we kiss good night too before going to sleep. Should I take an opportunity one night to initiate a more passionate kiss?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve85. Although I am no expert. Me personally? I like to tease. If they don't want it bad enough, I make them want it. That is something I know I'm confident and good at despite my current sich where W is repulsed by me and doesn't even accept hugs anymore, more or less have a conversation...(Part of it now is due to me setting up walls and boundaries due to W's actions.) I've come to realize that when the kisses are less intimate or non existent, then it typically reflects their current feelings. It could be different chemistry patterns too. It sounds like you are push/pulling and teasing just fine. Make her desire you again. Push a little intensity, but short, and see how she reacts and if she reciorocates the intensity. Then pull away.. See if she responds. Ever watch The Notebook? Don Juan Demarco? Try all flavors... Short Intense slow long whatever, but lead it and see if she follows? Experiment and see what works?
But as we worked with our MC, and as I got more information through independent research (including talking to two women I know who are the same way with their husbands), this is not all that unusual.
During my post-D dating it seemed the women were on one side or the other. Either they were passionate, keep kissers or it wasn't their thing.
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I am intrigued by this and wondering if I should be attaching any significance to it.
My GF is kind of hit or miss on kissing. Sometimes she's into it and other times she's not. Early on I asked her about it but she couldn't explain the reasons. So I just kind of play it by ear, I go for it and if she isn't reciprocating I'll limit the liplock time As things heat up she's usually more into it though. So I'll keep testing the waters as things amp up. That probably sounds more "clinical" than it is in practice.
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If there are any action I should take? I noticed she has been lingering longer when we kiss good night too before going to sleep. Should I take an opportunity one night to initiate a more passionate kiss?
Sure, why not. See how receptive she is. If she's not receptive today it doesn't mean she won't be tomorrow. It sounds like you know how to read her so push it at times when she seems more receptive.
Did she tell you why she doesn't want to kiss like that? If not, maybe ask her. It could be as simple as she has never liked french kissing. I have known women who don't like that. Or, you might get a different answer, but at least you know.
Did she tell you why she doesn't want to kiss like that? If not, maybe ask her. It could be as simple as she has never liked french kissing. I have known women who don't like that. Or, you might get a different answer, but at least you know.
I think most of it was related to her feelings for me at the time. Remember, this was over a year ago, when she was just coming back to the MR. Kissing is more intimate to most women than sex, and I don't think she was there yet.
I think in the next couple of nights I will go in for more of a passionate kiss and gauge the reaction.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She opened her mouth briefly and her tongue probed (again, sorry if too graphic) briefly...So looking for opinions on this. I am intrigued by this and wondering if I should be attaching any significance to it.
I believe it is a positive sign.
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If there are any action I should take? I noticed she has been lingering longer when we kiss good night too before going to sleep. Should I take an opportunity one night to initiate a more passionate kiss?
Timing is key. Her level of arousal is key. For now, I would "mirror" her kiss.
As the man, I am in change of the sex and romance department with my lady. I enjoy building up the sexual tension for later release. "Men are microwaves, Women are crock pots." First thing I do when I see my lady is eye contact and smile then a quick peck on the lips. Walk away and keep busy. Walk past and anther peck. Sometimes skip the peck and a light touch as I walk past. Sometime I intentionally walk past without any contact. When she is looking more relaxed, I will walk up behind her and massage her neck and shoulders. Short and long hugs may happen. I kiss her lighting on her forehead or eyebrows. Someplace during this, she initiates the more passionate kiss. By this time I have already brushed my teeth, mouthwash etc. I keep making and breaking contact though out the evening. If she needs to vent about work, or the children, I stop and listen, then back busy. During all of this, I may say "make out with me later?" or "Fall asleep in my arms tonight?"...she responds "of course" ...We have been doing this for 10 years...Also, I never talk about our intimate interaction immediately. Maybe a day later, I open up some dialog on what she liked, what she may be open to in the future. I might say "I enjoyed our kiss last night"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
So back to the other night. As we were cuddling afterward, I was kissing her neck, and cheek, and I went to give her a peck on the lips. She opened her mouth briefly and her tongue probed (again, sorry if too graphic) briefly.
I think this is an encouraging sign. Looks like she is getting more comfortable with being intimate with you. In the movie Pretty Woman, Julia Roberts character would never kiss on the lips because kissing was more intimate than having sex.
As things heat up she's usually more into it though. So I'll keep testing the waters as things amp up. That probably sounds more "clinical" than it is in practice.