Possible WAW?

[IHCLACS]

I said “careful it’s a little hot”. My W got upset all of a sudden and said something along the lines of “why did you heat it up for that long it’s too hot for him to eat!” She wasn’t yelling but was definitely upset.

This is a boundary opportunity:

H:"W, when you constantly criticise the way I do things, I feel disrespected. If you continue, I will.....

I will do what? Walk away from the conversation? What consequences can you implement to preserve your self respect?

[Hallzy9]

Hey guys,

So pretty big development last night. So after W went to bed, I went through her phone. I know I’m not supposed to but I was looking for proof of A, which is a deal breaker for me. While I didn’t specifically find proof of A, I found a bunch of stuff related to divorce and her looking at apartments. One of her google searches was about pawning her wedding ring, which she debated me into buying for months because it was 8Gs, which I bought using my deceased mothers life insurance. So as you can imagine I was pretty pissed.

I started packing a bag. What was going through my mind was that she was gonna hit me with another BD in a few days about moving out or something. She woke up and asked what I was doing. I said leaving. I told her I knew she was planning on divorcing me and mentioned that I thought she was seeing someone. She said “I’m not gonna divorce you but I think we need to be separated for now”. I validated and apologized for not treating her the way she wanted to be treated.

Anyway I ended up leaving and going to a hotel for the night. She texted me shortly after asking if I had gotten a hotel. I said yes. She then brought up me thinking she was seeing someone and asked why I thought that. I replied that it doesn’t even matter. She then said there was no OM involved. But then she started asking what did you see? And are you just making it up that you saw something?

This to me was a red flag. If there was really nothing to see why would she be asking what I saw and if she knew there was nothing then she would know I was making it up. This to me means she is at least talking to someone even if I don’t have proof. I guess it doesn’t matter.

At this point I’m dropping the rope. I am a good looking confident man and haven’t had any trouble dating. This woman is not the woman I married. Why should I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me or even mention working on the relationship.

If she were to want to reconcile down the road, I may be open to it for our son. I am both sad but more so angry at this point. I would love some advice on how to act now and how to speak with her now regarding our son.

Thanks guys

[sandi2]

IMHO, you handled it correctly. Sometimes a W can get into a very bad habit of fussing at her H for the slightest thing. If he allows it to continue, she usually carries it to the next level. Then you have a W who is verbally disrespecting you. I think it is better to call her out at the moment it happens. Just calmly tell her not to speak in that tone of voice, or whatever.

Been meaning to ask you if she lets you give her open mouth kisses. Maybe not goodbye or hello kisses, but when in the bed. When you were having sex, would she avoid open mouth kissing?

[Hallzy9]

Hi Sandi,

If anything I was the one avoiding open mouths kissing. Before things were bad she would complain that I didn’t make out with her anymore, another of my problems along with not being affectionate enough. We would after nights out having some drinks though.

Could you take a look at my above post when you get a chance?

Thanks

[Ready2Change]

Keep all intel to yourself.

Do not reveal how you know. Do not reveal what you know. Just reveal that you do know:

These words may become useful in your future (if you find out about A or OM):
"We both know you are lying. When you are ready to tell me the truth, I will listen."


As far as kid discussions, keep them business like. Treat her like you would a hostess at a restaurant. Friendly, no personal details, just parenting talk. Listen and validate. Set boundaries on how you want to be treated.

[Hallzy9]

Thanks ready,

So this after noon it was my day to pick up our son. I did a 180: I take my son to my W who works in a different classroom (preschool teacher) when I pick him up so she can say hi. Today I just left with my son.

Anyway did a little cleaning at home (another 180). When my W got home I was packing up some clothes in a bag, as I have been staying in a hotel the last few nights. My W initiated a talk, not sure if I would call it an R talk but it went like this:

W: so what is your plan?
Me (positive and cheerful): well I’m just packing some clothes for tonight
W: where are you staying?
Me: I’m not sure yet
W: where did you stay last night
Me: a hotel nearby
W: that sounds like a lot of money, you could just stay on the couch.
Me: well I don’t really feel like sleeping on the couch.

After this I finished packing up and it seemed like she didn’t have anything else to say so I left. I have been thinking though. She said she plans on moving out with her mom next month. I told her I am thinking about staying in our current rented house. These hotels are getting expensive and I am thinking since I may be staying I should just move back into the bed tomorrow night. If she doesn’t like it I can tell her to sleep on the couch. Would this be acceptable?

Thanks again

[IHCLACS]

Yes take the MBR back. She's probably going to be pi$$ed, but who cares. THEY are the ones leaving the M. THEY are the ones who broke you're trust, they are the ones having second thoughts. THEY can sleep on the couch, the guest room, or a hotel, and or move out. They are the ones that want out. So you show them the door. Its not really going to get you anywhere with her, but it will get back your self respect in both of your eyes. Get it? Respect. Why reward bad behavior with them keeping everything and holding all the cards, the control, and the decisions?

[Ready2Change]

W:"Bla bla bla why r u in master bedroom!?!?"
H:"I think it is best I sleep in here"
W"Bla bla bla I don't want you in here with me bla bla bla!!!"
H:"You are free to sleep where you want. I am sleeping here"
W:"Bla bla bla bla!!"
H:"I am sorry you feel that way" or "I understand you feel that way"

[Hallzy9]

Hey,

So yesterday afternoon I received a text from my W asking what my plan was in regards to when her and her mom move out of our rental house. My reply was “might move, might stay.” She then asked if I was going to be sleeping at home that night. I said yes. I imagine she was having a hard time on her own with our son the last few nights. When I can home yesterday the house was a mess.

I then texted her that I was going to pick up our son from school and take him to the park. After I got our son I received a text from her asking if I had picked him up yet. I didn’t reply instantly. 5 minutes later I get a text “ if you have my son you need to respond to me.” I responded a few minutes later “I was driving, yes got him”. I’m trying to keep things somewhat short with her.

Other than that we had basically no communication. It seems she is lately in a mood where she doesn’t want to talk to me at all. Pretty crazy compared to just a month ago. I have tried initiating friendly conversation a few times but it seems like she wants nothing to do with me at the moment.

I did take the MB back without much resistance.

I’m trying to keep PMA and am detaching well. Hard to show it when she won’t talk to me much so I’ve just been GAL when I’m not watching our son. The way things are going this relationship definitely feels over. Any tips on staying the course currently? Thanks

[sandi2]

She much more concerned in what her H may have discovered in her text messages, rather than the fact he was leaving to spend the night away from her. Yes, that is a big red flag.

W: so what is your plan?
Me (positive and cheerful): well I’m just packing some clothes for tonight
W: where are you staying?
Me: I’m not sure yet
W: where did you stay last night
Me: a hotel nearby
W: that sounds like a lot of money, you could just stay on the couch.
Me: well I don’t really feel like sleeping on the couch.

This is very typical of the WW. It's about control. She wants to know every move you make. She doesn't want you knowing about her private life, but she wants to know yours. This is when you give vague answers (but don't sound ridiculous).

If an affair is a deal breaker, then don't put up with her sh't. I think LBH's wait too long and put up with too much b.s. before they act on it, thus weakening her view of him as a man. Everything he does should be seen from the point of his self respect.