Well. I might have just let the cat out of the bag. I searched this guy on LinkedIn and it says he is working for the f***** city where I live!!!!!
Now he'll know I viewed his profile on LinkedIn. And if they're still talking she'll know I looked him up.
I should have left it alone. Am I totally screwed??????
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
Si13 You think someone working for the city? Albeit a Mayor or a Government worker has the time or inclination to bother whether someone looked up their public profile? If the OM ever realizes it? He won't realize it until months later. Also... What makes you think OM would say anything to WW? I know you probably don't want to hear this... But if this OM really is interested in your WW, then I can see you being competition. But if WW is just a pump and dump to OM. He doesn't care about the competition. OM is your competition, and to tell you the truth? He has no morals, and neither does your WW, so why the hell would you want to compete with that?
My WAW may be in an A or EA for all I know, or she may not be. One thing is for certain... Right now she's going through a soft MLC or MLT (Mid Life Transition) I've had 4 GF's before my wife, and had another "really good girl" turn on me, leave me and marry another from across the country. It hurts. I know you want throw the SOB in the dumpster, and either save the W from herself because you love her, or want to send them through the wood chipper...lol..
I can tell you that some affairs play out into happiness seeing others relationships, and others fail because of limmerace.... That's just life... You have to live with yourself first, your decisions, your self esteem, and self respect, before your WW's.
Ever see those movies where the emotionally mature W catches the H cheating, and either just throws his a$$ out, or calmly just goes about life in her own direction, absence of her H and gets stronger? Eat Love Pray or Under the Tuscan Sun? Who really wins when they move on? Self Respect. Live with and for yourself first. Im not saying it doesn't hurt. It hurts every time. It makes you sick every time. But the faster you take your focus off it, the faster you heal and get healthy.healthy
Sorry if I'm being straightforward tonight, had a few scotches. ;-)
Si13 , you are spinning at the moment. You have to step back . Don’t panic , it’s hard , but you are deeply hurt and jumping around in your mind . You have to stop , otherwise you will make things worse it’s ok to think these things but you have to stop your actions until you are more centred. It’s hard , but the sootyou do it the better . Watch some tv (comedy) to give yourself a break
I searched this guy on LinkedIn and it says he is working for the f***** city where I live
Did you get a name? If so that is all you need.
Listen,
You need to be in complete control of yourself. You need to have a plan and stick to the plan. You can not get emotional. If you believe you will be emotional, then you need to focus on your detachment.
This is all about you and your personal growth.
You have many ways to deal with this. Each of us will try to put in words things that we believe work.
AllenA PuppyDogTails, Coach, Gucci RobX are the wise oldtimers. Each has a different approach to busting. Figure out each of the approaches and determine which one you believe will be the most effective. Some of the approaches are not recommended by MWD. Understand why and then decide.
There is also a link to a recap of my sitch with all the books I read. I have them listed in recommended reading order. Buy a few.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Ok friends. Happy Weekend. I am DBusting like crazy. I feel really good.
The little hiccup could prove to be a real plus for me and here's why I think so. If the OM whom I already know, because he was with my W last year...if he is still in contact with her, he'll tell her I found his LI page and tell her. My mood around the house has been stellar. And the reason I think so is because I'm GAL. I'm accepting what happened, there's nothing I can do about it (except going forward) and I am discovering my own identity and life!!!
Sure a D could happen, and for all I know, it will. But I'm going to continue 180s, leaving her to her life and me getting mine.
I have played out the scenario in my head, she'll be wondering if I know he works here in this city (and she does too by the way), and she'll REALLY be wondering why I'm still so light hearted and positive. Why haven't I blasted her yet? Why aren't I confronting her? I'll continue to love her from a distance, being kind but detaching from the dead marriage.
It doesn't change ANYTHING. Even if there is an ongoing A. I'm gonna do my thing. I'm getting secure with my own choice of integrity that one day my kids will know and I'll be so glad for the choices I made in the middle of this mess.
I am still battling with what I did, how much I hurt her, knowing I've caused wounds. But I have made my peace with Jesus, and what I am able to do now is about my relationship with my 3 blessings.
I'm not sure if I feel so good from this being going on for 18 months OR being a part of this group OR God himself whispered to me recently that I'm going to be more than ok. But I'll take it and maintain this attitude. I can only control me.
Love y'all so much. Hope you have an amazing Saturday. Your life is not over. Your best days are ahead of you!!!
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
Si, good to hear you're doing well. Be aware, the rollercoaster ride is real. Do not be surprised if you wake up in a panic over everything. In the thick of my sitch I can only describe myself as manic-depressive. I've never been bipolar before but I now can relate to people that are. So yes, celebrate how good you feel, but be prepared for the reverse and be ready to deal with it with more GAL.
Onward and upward!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Yes Si13 just be prepared for the ups and downs. 2 weeks ago I was stellar, last week I almost cracked up, and had a mild panic attack. This week I balanced it out a bit, so just be prepared for the mood and thought swings.
So I am noticing as I am DB'ing that I am getting the following reactions: (just want to confirm these are common/normal)
Lots of temp checks; are you mad? are you ok? are you distant?
And then being downright rude seeing if I'll take the bait.
This normal????
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
So yeah, I'm back down to earth again. The DB'ing has been hard. We've been at home most of the weekend. Doing things with the kids, getting stuff cleared out for a "garage sale" which I think should be a moving sale.
I have not mentioned any talk about marriage, divorce, love, feelings or what she's doing, where she's going, etc.
I tried something new last night to GAL. I went out after the kids went down. She asked if I was going downstairs to watch a movie but I said if it's ok with you I'm going out, told her I didn't know where just was.
I changed clothes, splashed on a little cologne.
Before I left, she asks if SHE would be able to go out at night (not that she ever couldn't) if it was unplanned.
I had hoped for a much better eye opener for her. But it feels like I poked the sleeping bear. She wants even more freedom which I get since I've been controlling.
Ever since I started DB'ing I've gotten a ton of temperature check (are you ok? are you mad? you seem emotionally distant)
But she's also been contentious as hell. Every conversation seems to lead to her getting frustrated if she can't get me to explain something to her liking, or she is short fused or something.
Are these all normal?
I went to an art show last night. On a Sunday. It wasn't my scene. Truth is I want to be home with a wife, my wife, snuggling during a movie and falling asleep for the next day's work day.
Frustrated.
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
