She set up this program for the town through the department she is the Director of and last night was the launch info night. Should I text her this message or do nothing? Validation is her number one Love Language.
"The Mayors Fitness program you set up looks cool and it's very impressive. I hope it does well. "
Thanks
Yeah I think that sounds fine. Not sure if you've heard the "friendly neighbor" approach described here, but basically that's how you should treat her. If it's something you would say to a neighbor then it's generally OK to say it to a WAS.
So this morning I get this text about how she is hoping I have great day and she is so excited to return to work at least for the half day (now she is well enough from the lung infection and needing to live at her parents) and she is looking forward to the future health and healthy changes.
I respond with a nice return of I'm glad she is better and well enough and to please take it easy out of the gate. And will I see her at the kids swim class?
She says thanks and she will be there!
She has been at her parents for the month and a half after the hospital bc I need to be up so early and out for work that the in-laws have helped out with the kids. They live 1/2 mile away. I take them 3 night a week bc I can go in late and get them to school.
Long story short is I'm not sure if she is being nice to deliver a blow (papers), re-ask to split time back in our house or the time and space have allowed her to think a bit and my anxiety is through the roof.
In earlier posts it was stated to hold my ground and not split time and let her know that she can always be back in the house and we can work on stuff. But 3 weeks ago she texted me that the marriage is over and if I went over there to watch movies with the kids that I was not to sit next to her. Then she got into a arguement with her mom and texted me she wanted to come home but then said no bc she did not want to be in the house with me.
Thoughts? I know I should not get to amped or excited and am just taking it in and going with the flow and letting her make the moves.
I reread sections of the book and some of DB videos but I'm lost on what other 180's to apply.
She is still at her parents house and has been recovery for almost 2 months. We have had no conflicts or arguments. Splitting time with the kids and still no papers from her.
Do I just keep being the good guy non confrontational bc there really is no reason for arguing and let it all lay, give her space and wait for her while I GAL and out more?
Do I just keep being the good guy non confrontational bc there really is no reason for arguing and let it all lay, give her space and wait for her while I GAL and out more? x
I think you know the answer to these questions. I mean, the opposite is to be confrontational, argue with her, not let things lie, smother her and sit home stewing in your own juices. Not a recipe for success.
The only thing I take issue with is "and wait for her". NO!! DO NOT WAIT FOR HER. Move forward with your life with or without her. This is the biggest mistake that LBSs make. Giving her space means to move forward without her, not to "wait" for her in any capacity.
Oh, and stop being so chatty on text.
Her: "I am doing better. Over the lung infection, and feeling good! Blah blah blah blah blah. Hope you are having a great day!"
You: Either do not respond (best since there was no question asked), or something short like "Good to hear. You have a good day too." (I prefer NO answer. Sometimes saying something short comes across as passive-aggressive.)
"And will I see her at the kids swim class?" Jimmy, how is that not pursuit and pressure?? You go to the class, if she shows great. If not great.
Quote
But 3 weeks ago she texted me that the marriage is over and if I went over there to watch movies with the kids that I was not to sit next to her. Then she got into a arguement with her mom and texted me she wanted to come home but then said no bc she did not want to be in the house with me.
BELIEVE NOTHING SHE SAYS. Let me repeat. BELIEVE NOTHING SHE SAYS!!
The biggest mistake you are making, and almost all LBSs do this, is trying to apply logic to her madness. Logic works with sane, right-thinking people. Logic DOES NOT WORK when dealing with crazy people. Your WAW is a nutcase. They all are. They don't even know what they are feeling from moment to moment, so how could you possibly know??
Stop focusing on her. Drop the rope. Stand your ground. Make decisions that are right, logic, and make sense. Sharing time in the house DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. Many have tried that and many of failed miserably. The LBS should never leave the marital home until and when ordered to do so by a court of law.
Jimmy, deep breaths. Step back and look at your sitch objectively. If you were watching a friend go through what you are going through, what advice would you give to him?
Last edited by Steve85; 05/16/1912:13 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Look at what you are doing. 180 on things that aren't working (waiting for her, engaging her in texts messages that do not ask a direct question, focusing too much on her).
Do what works (DBing....), stop doing what doesn't (pressure and pursuit).
Jimmy, you cannot nice her back. Stop trying.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
