Midlife wife crisis5

[Ready2Change]

As far as the whole friend zone thing. What else should or can I do?

Have you read "No more mr nice guy?"




It is about your thought process. You belief system. Challenging it all the time.


IT is an attitude. When dealing with a woman, she is either having sex with you, or helping hook you up. You already have enough friends. That is the attitude. That does not mean you are actually sleeping around.


With your W, She is a business partner to parent your kids. That does not mean you still cant charm her, seduce her, turn her on. It just means don't expect anything. If something happens great.


Stiring up her emotions, confusing her, make her think about you all the time. Why is Wollfy all dressed up now? Why is Wollfy so happy now? Why does wollfy leave so quick? Where is he going? WHo are these new people he is hanging out with?

[LH19]

Do you even read what I post? I tell you to do nothing and you come right back and ask "what else can I do"?

I'm guessing one of your Ws issues is that you don't listen to her.

There is no OM and you moved out of your house and then constantly complain you miss your kids?????

There is something you are not telling us. Little girls don't not dislike their fathers for no reason.

[Wolfman]

LH doing nothing just sounds so unnatural. I do listen just want to make sure I have all the tools. As far as my d. She has always had a very unhealthy relationship with my w. She is obsessed with my w and suffers from severe separation anxiety from my w. She would never sleep over her friends house, not because of us my d never wanted to. She wouldn’t even sleep over her grandparents house and they do everything for her. She just wants to be with my w all the time. Even when things were good if my w and I went out to dinner and my in laws watched my kids my d would cry hysterical that she didn’t want us to leave. So this had been on going and she had been going to IC since she was 4. We are actually going to switch therapist because she seems to be going backwards now. So it’s tome for a switch. The divorce my d thinks she has to take sides. My d is setting this up b cause she knows eventually she will have to sleep at my house(when I get one). My d still begs my w to sleep in the MBR on a little futton on the floor. That’s how bad her separation anxiety is from my w.
R2C I did not read it. Is it a link on here? Thanks for the posts. Keep the 2x4s coming.

[Ready2Change]

R2C I did not read it.

It is a book.


Read this post:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061094#Post2061094

[IHCLACS]

Oh im letting my W figure all of this out on her own...She cleaned up the top floor of the house for the realtor coming by today. It looks good, and I complimented her on it. She cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, even pledged all the furniture, and even changed the (now her bathroom) toilet seat with a screwdriver..lol.. She's been asking me to do things for her, so I have been providing her with the tools, but she knows she has to do it herself. What her responsibility is hers which includes selling the house. Sges nice and friendly with me, I just don't give her anymore than I have to anymore.

I just don't care anymore. I'm going to have to organise, clean, and arrange a whole garage 20 years worth of tools and stuff, a storage locker, and what [censored] is im probably going to need some of them to keep going with repairs. With what even less time i have now with the custody split schedule with S1. Nice or not, I just want out. If I put my trust in someone and now I'm being forced to move, and expend all my time organizing, moving and fixing all this stuff. I'm pretty sure at this point in time, I'm not letting her back in my life. If she wants to remember just all the bad stuff, live up to her purpose, find herself and start a new life with a 1yr old.

I'm really sorry to hear about your relations with your daughter. That must really hurt. Just be there for her no matter how she reacts. Something tells me years down the road the truth will come out, and the tides will shift. I have seen it with my nieces and older brother over the last 20 years, where they're mom brainwashed and poisoned their minds. Onlyb later as they got older, they realized Mom was the problem, and Dad fought and won custody after 15 years.

[Wolfman]

So yesterday I told my w I had to show a house at 11am and afterward I would like to stop by and see the kids. After I got done showing the house I text her I was on my way over. She replied that I didn’t text her in the morning exactly what time so she took the kids to breakfast. I said no worries when you are done I would like to see the kids for a little while. She told me the day before she was doing things with them at 4 and If I wanted I could see them before they go out. After breakfast my s called and said that mom is taking them to chuckie cheese now. I felt like she was doing this to piss me off now. I did t want her to know it was getting to me so I said no problem to my s and to have a good time. That was around 12. So after that phone call I made plans to go out. Around 4 she texts me that they will be home soon and if I want I can come see the kids. They are going out at 7. I said sorry I already have plans have a good time. Normally in the past I would have changed my plans to see the kids, I know she is trying to control and manipulate by doing that, I was not having it. I enjoyed the rest of my day yesterday out with friends.

IH IT has to be so hard for you selling the home. It is amazing how these WAS can do this to a family. That was awesome that you just gave her the tools to fix the toilet seat. I can tell from reading your situation that your w probably didn’t realize everything you did. My w certainly didn’t. The reason why for me at least I did things and didn’t announce them to my w. I just did them. When I vacuumed I didn’t tell my w I did it, I just did it. So she did t realize all the little things I did. When she would put her clothes away she felt the need to tell me. I would always say that’s great to her, but deep down I would be saying why are you telling me that’s what you are suppose to do. I bet your a was exactly the same, looking for recognition for the mundane chores we do as people. I wish for you your w would see how much harder she is making everything, but I know right now she is in the “fog”.

[IHCLACS]

Eventually you won't care if she's in the fog, you won't care what she does with her life, you won't care if you attract her back, and you won't care if she has a change of heart, and if she does?... Sorry..lol... They're going to have to give you a lot more back than of what they took from you, took for granted, because you will be too busy refocusing on kids, and rebuilding yours. If we ever attract them back, it will be on our terms. Otherwise, keep moving forward.

Their mindset is: We didn't pay enough attention to them, we only used them for sex, we didn't socialize enough to their agenda, we didn't listen to them, we didn't see them for who they are, we didn't validate, and on and on and on. A whole list of reasons. Some which have nothing to even do with us... Maybe they want a change in their life? Women generally speaking have a tendency to change more than men. Careers, purpose, health, fashion, etc...So? Let them figure it out...You want to change? Your're going to have to. Not to attract them back, but because it is now going from WE to I..
So focus on I, and kids. Do whatever the hell it is you want to do in life. You think they are looking back at you? You think they are inviting you to places to hang out, other thsn for the sake of the kids?... Whether it be an WW or a WAW? Hell no! They're too busy thinking of themselves and what their next plans and moves are. Some might figure it out years later the grass isn't greener. Some... The grass might be actually greener. Who cares?.. Keep moving forward.

[Wolfman]

Had a conversation yesterday about me finding a house. She asked me when I was going to start looking. I said I can’t until you can buy me out. She said, “I told you my dad is going to give you the money.” I said when? I need the money in order to purchase, I just can’t go to your dad and say here is the house can I have my money. He has to give it to me show it as a gift(so the banks know I don’t have to repay it). I also told her I can’t go out and buy a house anyway because I am still on her mortgage and deed. That goes against my debt to income ratio and then the bank will want to know why I have 2 homes. I told her in order for this to happens she has to refinance the home to get me off the deed and mortgage. She said I don’t want to do that. I asked, why not? She said because then she would have to pay closing costs and get a much higher rate. And if she does that she is getting screwed having to pay more. I said in a very nice calm voice, I understand that but this is what you want. She goes as always I am getting screwed. I just responded I am sorry you feel that way. Then my kids came into the room and the discussion ended. It’s funny she wants me to get my own home so when I have her on the weekend she is freee to do what she wants. No responsibility, just be free. This is coming from a woman who always stressed family and being together. It’s amazing her 180. Also, I wanted to chuckle that this is what she wants but doesn’t want the extra expense or hardship that comes with divorce. Another fantasy that she is living in. That it’s suppose to be easy and she gets everything she wants. Boy she is in for a rude awakening when this d is finalized.

[IHCLACS]

I wouldn't even entertain any more talks about the house. Shut it down. Let her and her dad figure it all out. the only thing you're going to be there for her if she has any paperwork she sends your way to review. Don't help her with anything. Let her figure it out. I shutdown my wife's conversation last night about the realtor coming to appraise the house since I made it crystal clear I wasn't going to be there since it's not my decision to sell. She started talking numbers and estimates and figures with me after i made it perfectly clear I didn't want to be involved in the process.
I just nodded my head said okay and walked away.

[Wolfman]

IH I agree with you. This is something she is going to have to figure out. I am definitely not helping her. She also mentioned that this divorce process is going so slow. I simple stated this is what you want so we will go at your speed. Don’t ask me to help you with any of it.

Just out of curiosity what happened to my other mentors? Steve, R2C, AS, LH, you all help me out. I hope you did t lose faith in me.