My W has asked now twice if my mom would continue to pay for her sessions (which I know the answer is no) and we
Is what controlling? Not asking your mom?
I actually think is pretty entitled that my W thinks my mom should now pay for her counseling. "We'd use it for CC anyway" she's probably thinking.
Trying to detach today - struggling with feeling lonely AF. Missing my text exchanges. Having integrity is lonely, when I could do what she has done, but I think about what kind of man I want to be to my kids.
I will get through this. I will figure it out.
Don't know whether to pray for my W to get a job quickly, or to delay so that I get more time. It's already been 1.5 years.
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
Got a DB question. For the last year and a half, I have brought my wife her coffee every morning which she has loved but clearly it hasn't made a difference and in fact is pursuit.
BUT now that I don't bring it up (I may brew it and leave it downstairs) what is an appropriate response to why I don't bring her coffee up anymore?
This is really a response to any kind of question that is pursuit related.
Thanks guys. Hope you're having a beautiful Wednesday.
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
"I am glad that you enjoyed me bringing you coffee in the past. Making coffee and bringing it to you every morning is something a husband would do. You fired me from that role. I am happy to brew the coffee in the morning and you are more than welcome to help yourself to a cup when I do".
This may seem petty, but her expecting you to bring her coffee is cake eating. She doesnt want you as H, but she wants the convenience of you. She wants to be catered to.
I stopped cleaning my STBXWW's car and doing the maintenance on it. When she crashed it, instead of the usual where I coordinated the insurance and repairs, I did nothing. My WW fired me from the role of her H and therefore she is not entitled to any of the conveniences I provided. That means she can figure out how to clean her car, keep it clean, maintain it and repair it when it needs as these are all things that I did as her husband that she obviously took for granted.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Well, I guess that answers the question should I gas up her car every Sunday night.....I would usually take 1 kid with me to set an example of what I thought a husband/daddy should do. I may still do it for that example.
Better yet with the coffee, I can have the kids take it upstairs. Something to think about.
Appreciate the feedback SoTorn.
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
W:"H, why don't you bring me coffee anymore?" H:"W, what are you talking about??" W:"You stopped bringing me coffee bla bla bla" H:"H, I guess I have been focused on other things" W:Bla bla bla bla"
Then validate
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
BUT now that I don't bring it up (I may brew it and leave it downstairs) what is an appropriate response to why I don't bring her coffee up anymore?
B/c you were busy, excited to get to work, you have a big day. Big smile on your face when you say it. Just pick one of those, be brief, and move on out the door.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Well, I guess that answers the question should I gas up her car every Sunday night.....I would usually take 1 kid with me to set an example of what I thought a husband/daddy should do. I may still do it for that example.
Better yet with the coffee, I can have the kids take it upstairs. Something to think about.
Appreciate the feedback SoTorn.
She can get her own coffee and gas. Stop trying to make excuses of why you should still do these things. Sounds like you have a case of NGS. Don't send your kids to deliver her coffee either. And the getting gas for her as an example for your kids is just you trying to justify doing it. Your kids won't remember this. Set an example by being a strong, confident man that commands respect...
Me: 38 W:31 Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4 M: 10 years T:12 years BD:Jan 3, 2018 W moved out: Apr 13,2018 Filed for D: Jun 2018 D final: Sep 2019
Got a DB question. For the last year and a half, I have brought my wife her coffee every morning which she has loved but clearly it hasn't made a difference and in fact is pursuit.
BUT now that I don't bring it up (I may brew it and leave it downstairs) what is an appropriate response to why I don't bring her coffee up anymore?
This is really a response to any kind of question that is pursuit related.
Thanks guys. Hope you're having a beautiful Wednesday.
Agree with what everyone else has said about this. si, you cannot NICE her back.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
