Just had a funny DB moment. Did I handle it right?
I'm not longer looking for hugs / affection when I pickup the kids. Nothing.
Tonight my wife said "Love You" to me as we were going out the door at her work. I smiled and said good bye. She said it again. "Love you". So I said it back then.
Is there a Right or wrong here?
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
Steve. What if I get questioned here. How do I respond if she asks why I'm not saying it? How do I explain the DB?????
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
All kinds of funny dynamics while there is the injection of DBs. To actually do it for myself helps me to look at this from the outside.
I've got a situation I'd love to hear y'alls feedback on.
While my wife and I were going to CC, my mom was paying for the sessions. Being a mom, of course, she wants to help us try and piece this thing back together. But she's got her own feelings about what's happened since my wake up call for being abusive. My W had 2 As and well, not the most constructive method or response to EmAb.
Last week our CC put a stop to the sessions since my W asked for a D.
My W has asked now twice if my mom would continue to pay for her sessions (which I know the answer is no) and we pay for her IC 2x a week.
Is this controlling? My mom is still paying for my IC (with the CC and it's $170 per session).
Interestingly enough, my W has been applying for full time work like crazy, as that was her key to the divorce, when she gets her job and can support herself. She has been getting turned down like crazy as well. I have validated and tried to be very supportive.
This morning's goodbye took a very different tone. I could tell she's a little frustrated and barely even looked at me when I lightheartedly said goodbye. I could tell with an entire day off ahead of her, she's pretty depressed with our situation. But I held my ground. Even had the opportunity to look at her phone. Didn't even give it a second thought. I want to heal for me, DB for me.
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
F*ck she actually seems to be enjoying me DBing her.
Tonight after we put the kids to sleep I went downstairs to watch TV. I heard her on the phone with some automated thing but I wasn't going to hover around hoping she'd want to connect over a show.
She came down the stairs and said her 2 girlfriends were just hanging out and wondered if I'd mind if she went over. Before she could finish I said, "sure go and enjoy yourself!!"
She didn't get dolled up so I'm inclined to believe her she wasn't meeting anyone else. But at this point after 3 affairs I always wonder.
She temperature checked me right before she left. This is where I'm not sure about when a WAS starts asking about all the changes WHAT SHOULD MY RESPONSES BE???
She asked why I was downstairs and I replied I wanted to watch this show. She asked if it was to give her space and I replied again that I wanted to watch this show, I heard her on the phone so I was just hanging out downstairs.
Not sure how that went over if that's saying the right things. She left and I told her again "have fun!"
Any thoughts guys would be appreciated. At this point, I'm obviously reeling from the BD and she is feeling out this new found "freedom" and disinterest from her H that I'm thinking she both likes and makes her nervous as to why I'm detaching.
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
I don't have much to add as our sitches are pretty different, but if you are still religious I highly recommend picking up a book called Crushed by TD Jakes (it's $15 on Amazon right now). I started it yesterday and it has really helped me to get a new perspective on the entire situation. It's not a book on marriage or divorce, but about how life changing events are used to shape us for something better.
Of course keep on DBing, it sounds like you're doing all the right things. I'd go one step further and leave the house when possible. Buy the book and go read it at a coffee shop or park. Don't tell her where you're going. This has been really relaxing for me the last few days and helping me find another constructive way to GAL.
