Midlife wife crisis6

[neffer]

That’s why is so important to keep living into the present time. So as to avoid depression or anxiety. Then you need to focus on yourself and the kids. And GAL.

GAL is also about reading on here, posting or whatever gives your mind some rest.

Stay calm Wolf.

Time and patience.

[SoTorn]

Wolfman,

This is one of the most difficult issues you will ever encounter in life. Its ok to get upset and its ok to cry. Do not hold it in. When my WW moved upstairs in September 2018, prior to confirmation of her PA and post August 2018 ILYBIDLY, I was devestated. I was so hurt and she knew this. I cried nightly. I was extremely upset all the time and I was in full "fix it, pursuit" mode.

It took me until January 2019 to detach. That seems fast but for me it wasnt. I took inventory on my life. Good job, yes, even with the stupid issues I faced. Great kids who are doing ok. Me being healthy, losing weight, wearing new clothes and looking absolutely amazing now. Check.

I sat back and compared what I have to what I would have if my WW came back. The only difference in my life would be that if I had my WW, I would be desparately working to repair a relationship with someone that told me they do not want me, mistreated me horribly, made me their enemy for no reason and hurt me worse than anyone has ever done so in my entire life.

It felt like I had to pry her out of my heart with a dull spoon, but I got there and it worked. I realized I have nothing to prove to the WW. I honestly recognized my issues a few years back, but it was still too late. I am a much better man and in a better place because I choose to be. My WW doesnt deserve my love and support so I removed it from her completely. We all deserve better than our spouses decided to give us.

I allowed myself to meet someone new as well. Again, this is my personal decision and only applies to my situation. Meeting this new woman really opened my eyes. There are nice women out there. Plenty of them would love to have a good man. Plenty of them understand that people have flaws. Plenty of them understand how to communicate. Nobody is perfect, but there are women that would NEVER cheat on you or do anything to purposely hurt you.

I don't even see this woman often, maybe once a month, but just knowing that there are women like this out there, helped me detach 100%. I still live IHS with my WW. But I haven't cried or been upset in months. I am content with who I am. I love myself and I will make decisions that are best for me, make me happy and make my kids happy. WW is out of the equation. She can have her GGW life with her new boyfriend. I don't care anymore.

[Wolfman]

Again thank you all for your advice. This horses really helps. Today I had the kids until 4:30. I brought them back about 15 minutes early. She wasn’t home when we got there. We must have been home no more than 5 minutes and then she walks in. I was in the kitchen with my daughter. She walks in and said I can’t take this. I said take what? She said the mess. I said it’s not too bad. Keep in mind I. The past I was the one who wanted the house clean and she did t care. She said this is not fair. I asked what isn’t fair? She said everytime I leave the house its clean and when I get home the house is a mess. Keep in mind we have only been home a few minutes and my d and I were talking and my son was playing on the iPad. So all I kept thinking was validate. I said I see how it could seem that way. I asked what is out that wasn’t there when you left. She started to point out things. This wasn’t here that wasn’t there, blah blah blah. She then said I know you want this house to fall to $hit. I said absolutely not I will make sure the kids put back whatever it is they took out. So I started to get the kids to clean up their stuff. She said don’t worry about, I got it! I said I am here I will make sure they put their stuff away. She said don’t worry i will do it. She said I have been doing this for 15 years why would it change now? I said I will make sure the kids will do a better job at cleaning up after themselves. She said remember actions speak louder than words. I said I agree. She goes I am going to take a shower now I will have them clean up when I am done. And she went upstairs. I had the kids put their stuff away while she was in the shower. Keep in mind this mess was there when I got there. It’s funny because I have always been the neat and clean one. She is trying to play it off like she has been for all these years. It almost makes me laugh out loud. I didn’t let her attitude affect me and I tried to validate best I could. In the past I would have argued with her about the mess already being there. Not getting sucked in!!

[Wolfman]

Another interesting day. I text my w what time we were heading over to the dance competition. She said around 11:30 but she would text me when they leave. Around 11:15 she calls me in panic mode. She can’t find my son’s hip hop costume. There is only the shirt, no pants or sneakers. I said I know I packed everything g from the last competition. She said well it’s not here and she looked everywhere. She said if I don’t take care of everything then nothing gets done right. This is one of the reasons why our marriage didn’t work. She said I guess he won’t be able to compete. I said I understand you are very frustrated did you look in his closet or in his bag again. She said I looked. She said let me go and look some more. Sure enough 15 minutes later she called me she found his sneakers under the bed and his pants rolled up in a ball under his covers. I said thank god you found it. I said I was positive I packed everything. I asked why did he have his pants in his bed? She said I have no idea. See you over there. Of course not that I would expect it, I learned no expectations, no sorry for yelling at you or accusing you of losing it. I think I would have been in shock if she apologized. Great start to my Sunday.

I’m still struggling a little knowing tomorrow we go to the lawyer for the paperwork. I will keep focusing on myself and GAL. It’s just hard. This patience thing is killing me.

[Wolfman]

Question: My son performed his hip hop number. I noticed he wasn’t as sharp, he looked tired. So after I asked him if he was tired? He said yeah. I asked what time he went to bed? He said 11. I said why did you go to bed so late? He said Lauren was over who is the babysitter. Which means my w went out. First off, how freakin selfish is she for going out knowing when she does my kids will stay up late. Second, I asked my w why he was up so late and she said he probably had is iPod with him. Which is not true, it was because she was out. Do I call her out on it for being irresponsible about going out, or do I let it go? I know if it was the other way around she would have chewed me out for that. And this is the first time he didn’t come in first. Which I would have got more hell for that I made him tired and it was suppose to be my day with the kids.it wasn’t suppose to be my day with the kids but if it was I left them with a babysitter all h*ll would have broke out. I am very angry right now at her irresponsibility.

[Rose888]

How old is your son?

[Rose888]

Just checked your profile. At 8 he is old enough to get to bed at a reasonable hour when a babysitter is there. (Although I would get a better babysitter.)

[Wolfman]

SoTorn thank you for your response. That to me is quick at detaching. You also spoke about how she mistreated you mine took me for granted, big time. It amazing how they can change on us. SoToen I am sorry you went through that. Again I would like to thank everyone again for Friday. I was really in a bad spot.

Rose the babysitter is 20 and a very sweet girl. So won’t make sure they go to bed on time and my w doesn’t care. As we all know it’s all about them. Yes he should go to bed on his own but he doesn’t. My kids like most fight going to bed every night.

Where are all my vets. I had some situations come up and I haven’t heard from any of my regulars. Miss all of your comments.

[LH19]

W,

I wouldn’t call her going out and leaving them with a babysitter irresponsible. You can’t control her.

I would just say “ son seemed tired at his competition. Please make sure he gets to bed at a reasonable hour the night before a competition.

[Rose888]

I wouldn’t say anything to your wife. I’d talk to your son about the natural consequences of staying up late the night before a competition. He’s at a good age to learn this, and it’s in his best interest.

Save talks with your wife for the things that are objectively issues. This issue is your opinion and preference.