I'm not sure how to add my prior thread to this new one. I guess I'm supposed to have a graduation party now?
I do have some advice to seek though.
I have been DBing so hard that today I got a question I was completely unprepared for.
With tears in her eyes, she asked,"ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR OR AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR WITH ANYONE?"
I suppose I know why she asked but I was still surprised that she did. I asked why she thought so. She said because I had been distant, doing my own things, on social media or on my phone alot AND it seemed like it would be something I could do considering the circumstances.
I reacted how I thought I should. I am married to you. I am faithful to you. My position about divorce hasn't changed. I won't stop you if that's the direction you are heading, but I have not changed mine.
Anyone get this response???????
Last edited by job; 05/05/1910:04 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
Sounds like mind reading and projection from her side. I'm sure others are going to chime in here, but I wouldn't be a sure thing to her. I would have answered that with some ambiguity. The others here advocate saying " My life is already complicated why would I need another woman to make it even more complicated?" If your wife is cheating on you how do you think she would answer? Probably with have truths, ambiguity, and mystery.
Mine went away to her niece's bday in PA. I miss my son like crazy. Before they left Sat and just returned 10 minutes ago as I was leaving to GAL. She said to me "Enjoy your solitude, and try not to burn the house down." So I replied: I'll be sure to order up a couple of hookers, some cocaine and a keg. " so she replied "Just make sure that they're cute ones." First thing she asked me upon coming home was "How were the hookers?" I said "Which ones? Monique, Unique, or Bambi?" I said that they were pretty good they even clean the place up for me. Kissed my son goodbye and went out to GAL. I miss him so bad I want to spend some time with him today but I need to get out of the house.
Man I was just so excited I didn't turn it around on her or get emotionally crazy. So I considered it a win.
I restated my position, but will continue to detach which is how she got there in the first place.
But alas, I need to focus on myself, not her reactions. Can't count on her - but I can count on me getting stronger. Whatever comes I will be ready. Better.
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just wanted to check again (read up a couple posts), has your WW accused you of having an A when you started DBing?
Is this a good sign or merely projecting what she did (or would do or has done).
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
I suppose I know why she asked but I was still surprised that she did. I asked why she thought so. She said because I had been distant, doing my own things, on social media or on my phone alot AND it seemed like it would be something I could do considering the circumstances.
I reacted how I thought I should. I am married to you. I am faithful to you. My position about divorce hasn't changed. I won't stop you if that's the direction you are heading, but I have not changed mine.
Here is what just transpired:
Wife: (through tears) Are you still my Plan B? I'm getting worried that you're not! Boohoo!
You: Oh yes indeed I am still Plan B now and forever!! You do whatever you want and I will always remain your faithful Plan B!
DON'T BE PLAN B. This would have been a better response:
"W, I can see why you might think that but I am not seeing anyone at this time."
Period, end of story. You're not seeing anyone today. Tomorrow? Who knows. What this statement says is you are living your life at the pace you choose. You are not waiting around for her, but for now the timing isn't right for you to see others. IT'S YOUR CHOICE.
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
I wouldn't be a sure thing to her. I would have answered that with some ambiguity.
It's a point well taken AnotherStander - lesson learned for sure.
What do y'all think about getting the house ready to sell but not saying that's what you're doing???
I have slowly begun to landscape, paint, etc at our house because, well, that's what she indicated she wanted from our M - that it was over.
If that's true, then I want to get the best home value we can, because we can't keep the house.
Having another tough day today. On the days I see her respond to DB of course it's easier, but on days where she asks if I'm going out (like she's ok with me gone) or she isn't wearing her wedding ring, I feel run over by a truck.
Thoughts on getting the house ready to sell as a DB?
Last edited by Cadet; 05/23/1906:41 PM. Reason: combine posts
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
REALLY struggling tonight as there seems to be no end in sight. Wife is going along with the DBs to some degree. Doesn't mind me doing my own thing. She temperature checks ALOT, asking if I'm ok, or maybe why my answers are so short.
Resentment is creeping in and all the while I miss her to death. I miss my friend, my partner.
Lonely AF but still maintaining the integrity as if my kids were watching my every move (which they are).
Not sure what to do about certain things: W wants to spend quite a bit of weekends together as a family - going places, going to church, even talked about going to a Texas Rangers game. Even then talked about a trip to California this summer all of us to see family WTF
H46 W38 M12 T15 D8,S7,S5
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
