Your W is very immature. If you don’t want to be friend zoned stop doing friend zone thins like watching TV with her. You should of put your son to bed and said “I’m going out for awhile”.
Not that I've seen much interest in your sense Halsey, but somewhat in another sense here and there in my situation. It makes absolutely no sense. They love to try to dangle you on a string for one last hoorah with their temp checks. My last hoorah was back in Dec. They seem to have every intention on proceeding forward in life without you. This friendzone $hit really p@ses me off. It's like they have this whole other life plans ahead of them for their future, they don't care about you're prior history together, but keep looking back just to feed their ego. I think you handled that situation perfectly, keep them on their toes.
Not that I've seen much interest in your sense Halsey, but somewhat in another sense here and there in my situation. It makes absolutely no sense. They love to try to dangle you on a string for one last hoorah with their temp checks. My last hoorah was back in Dec. They seem to have every intention on proceeding forward in life without you. This friendzone $hit really p@ses me off. It's like they have this whole other life plans ahead of them for their future, they don't care about you're prior history together, but keep looking back just to feed their ego. I think you handled that situation perfectly, keep them on their toes.
Yeah IHC it is annoying. It’s all about them and they disregard years of history. I think the best thing we can do is look ahead toward our own plans and how our life can be better without them, as hard as that can be. Yeah the temp checks are coming on strong and often at the moment, hopefully a sign that I’m detaching well.
Originally Posted by LH19
Your W is very immature. If you don’t want to be friend zoned stop doing friend zone thins like watching TV with her. You should of put your son to bed and said “I’m going out for awhile”.
Yeah you’re right LH, I think I’m doing well in certain areas but then I go and do that haha. Been great at GAL during the day/evening but could do more at night. Thinking I will go out tonight then. Yes she is immature, always gets so upset if she doesn’t get her way, could be due to her anxiety but it isn’t acceptable either way. Looking forward to separation in a way because I know it will be so much easier for me to do LRT and not slip up by watching tv with her or other similar things.
So today at work, W kept finding reasons to text, I replied shortly and on my own time. She started calling me old nicknames from when things were good in the R. Whatever.
Later went to pick up my S from the preschool my W works at. Talked to her briefly: W: So what’s for dinner? Me: I’m going out tonight. W: With who? Me: friends W: what friends? Me: you don’t know them. W: who are they? Me: Hockey people W: where are you going? Me: Downtown (vague) W (visibly upset): well I’ll be home later Me: (gave her a thumbs up and walked away)
Was she saying that to make me curious? Will she be seeing OM? Do I care? Nope.
It just makes my blood boil that lately she’s been acting like we are still a happy little family. Oh let’s go get dinner, oh let’s watch tv, oh let’s cuddle. She is breaking up our family and walking out without showing or verbalizing interest in working on the R. She is moving out in 2 days and last I heard intended to date other people. Well there’s the focking door. Wth is going through her head with all this family talk. As far as I’m concerned this family is over. Two separate entities. Rant done, figured it was better to let it out on here than in real life, more later thanks.
They don't want you to have a life and have fun. Its not an ego boost when you arent interested. My EXWW started harassing me badly when I started GAL.
Where are you going? Why are you always gone? Why dont you answer when I call?
I stayed at a friends house overnight a few weeks after confirmation of PA. EXWW met me at the door literally. Then started accusing me of doing things like drug binges etc.
They don't want to see you happy. They want to see you struggling, pining for them. You have to show them that you don't care, even if you do. You need to show them that you are more important than they know and that they are going to lose you if they don't shape up.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
You advanced the conversation by telling her what your plans were. Next time.just say you have plans so the convo can end sooner.
Also, you may consider not responding to 21 questions and just turning and walking. You have places to be and don't need to be late bc you were talking to a woman who isn't interested you.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Here is what I see from an outsiders perspective from this convo.
Later went to pick up my S from the preschool my W works at. Talked to her briefly: W: So what’s for dinner? (Asking for S sake.) Me: I’m going out tonight. W: With who? (Asking for S sake, and testing/curious about social changes.) Me: friends W: what friends? (Asking for S sake and probing if OW exists.) Me: you don’t know them. W: who are they? (Now really testing your social proof, and being nosy.) Me: Hockey people W: where are you going? (Just being curious and furthering the convo, looking for clues.) Me: Downtown (vague) W (visibly upset): well I’ll be home later (This is telling me one of two things. She's visibily upset because you are being short, vague, difficult, and socially awkward TO HER PERCEPTION. For you rightfully so, because your time and plans are important. OR?.... She's saying "I will be home later" because she is having second thoughts about OM, or he is having second thoughts about her. She thinks she is the cat's meow, and is attempting to draw you back in as plan b on a string.) Me: (gave her a thumbs up and walked away)
You advanced the conversation by telling her what your plans were. Next time.just say you have plans so the convo can end sooner.
Also, you may consider not responding to 21 questions and just turning and walking. You have places to be and don't need to be late bc you were talking to a woman who isn't interested you.
Gotta be briefer, thanks! That’s a good take IHC definitely a lot of testing going on.
So went out last night with a bunch of guys who are in a group of mutual friends with my W. Large group that’s known each other for years. My W’s best friend in high school was and still is dating a guy in this group. I was introduced to the group through my W and although they were initially more her friends they are now far closer with me. (I am much more social than W).
So anyway had a great time with the guys, drinking and sports watching. Got looks from some ladies ya know. The highlight of the night was talking about the R with my friends. They all were super supportive and basically reinforced that W just breaking up the family and leaving without working on it, was not okay.
There was a day a few months ago after I cleaned out my fathers house after he died. We ended up going out with the same group of guys plus a few girls. I had an emotional day and got really drunk in response. Ended up throwing up at the house of one of the girls in the group.
So last night one of the guys told me that after that night I had thrown up, my W was basically bad mouthing me to the girl who’s house it was about how drunk I was and how annoying yada yada. The girl who’s house it was thought she was being so rude and disrespectful. I had apologized to the girl and she said “you just went through one of the hardest things in life. It’s understandable that you got so drunk.”
So yeah even the girl, who is much closer with my W than me recently told my guy friend that she thought my W was so rude and that her comments about me were unacceptable. Kinda nice hearing that my Ws friend and our mutual friends don’t support her actions/words.
That was a bit passive aggressive even if you didnt mean to be. If you want to decline just say "I am busy". If she presses just say "I have plans".
Remember you need to be mysterious, not cocky. If you have to say something referencing marriage just say "these are things I do with my wife. You fired me from that role"
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
