Steve, what an exceptional post! While I am not any closer to saving my own MR I can definitely say I understand the sentiment and reasoning behind this so much better than i did a few months ago. As always, thank you.
The further into my sitch I am, the more I see the brilliance of this. I feel better about the future and myself when I am really doing well in moving on, detaching, and not reacting to the little bits H throws my way.
New to this thread. I’m with you on this one, Grace. What I would do well to remember in my thread / situation is to not react to the ‘little bits [my W] throws my way.’ Glad to hear it put that way, thank you!
New to this thread. I’m with you on this one, Grace. What I would do well to remember in my thread / situation is to not react to the ‘little bits [my W] throws my way.’ Glad to hear it put that way, thank you!
Don't react to anything they throw your way. That's what they're looking for: a reaction. Which means they still have you right where they want you.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
11/12/17 "I don't want to be married like this" A began 7/12/18 Confessed A 10/1/19 EA still happening with 2 4/23/19 "I want a D, but I want to stay until I find a job"
Even if this doesnt work to save your M. It will work to save yourself. Everyone knows my MR ended on May 15, 2019, three days after my 18th anniversary. I am fine with that, because DB helped me find my b@lls.
DB helped me see how valuable I am. DB helped me understand that I am important and that I cannot control others. DB helped me start working toward being the man that I want to be and I was determined to do so with or without my WW.
We only control one thing in life, and that is ourselves. Thats it. Nothing else.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
I am right there with you ST. I am becoming the person I want to be as well. I did not save my marriage... my H made sure there was no hope for that. I have accepted it and moved on and most importantly, I, too, have saved myself. I feel so blessed to have found this board and to the people on it who took the time to encourage and mentor me and tell me the realities that I didn’t always want to hear...but always what I needed to hear. And not only did I find myself again, but I have made new friends and met people I would never have met if this hadn’t happened to me. I am so grateful for those people and for the people in my life who were with me through it all. Love and (((HUGS))) to all of you.
Steve, you are such an asset to this motley crew. I can't debate a word of your explanations. I hope that noobs won't take it as cliff notes and skip the book. Because hearing these things and fully understanding them is different. Even after reading it many of us had to see it work to accept it. Better to get it, sooner than later.
Now if there were a clear path out of Limbo Land.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
