It’s ok to vent and I can understand you wanting to bash his face in sometimes. I also understand why you still love him.
Once he moves out things will get so much easier for you. In his mind he believes he can have you back whenever he wants. Unfortunately they have a sixth sense on whether you’re still attached or not.
Thanks for understanding and for the encouragement LH19.
I’m praying things get easier when he leaves and I don’t have to look at his face everyday and watch him walk around like everything is ok. He tries to carry on like things are great between us. I guess things are great for him...or so he thinks.
And I know for a fact he thinks he can have me back whenever he wants. He better hope that his plan works and that all his dreams come true when he runs from a life that served him well to the unknown.
Because he’s walking away...he’s running...and I will NEVER forget it.
So yea, he better pray to the high heavens that it all works out in his favor.
God somedays I still find it hard to believe that the responsible loving husband I used to have has turned into an emotionally immature man toddler.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Ok guys, sorry for this rant. Today was just one of those days
Vent here as needed. You can let those emotions out in your car while you are alone if needed. Yell and scream. Or cry. Whatever is needed. Find your safe place and let them out.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Ok guys, sorry for this rant. Today was just one of those days
Vent here as needed. You can let those emotions out in your car while you are alone if needed. Yell and scream. Or cry. Whatever is needed. Find your safe place and let them out.
Will do Ready2Change. Those are great ideas. Having the self-control to not tell him how I really feel is tough. However, I’m holding it it.
There have been times when I’ve said what I wish I could say to him...in my car...by myself....during my commute. Thankfully blue tooth/car phone access is a thing, otherwise people would think I’m crazy. Lol! I’ll just be driving fussing and cursing...having an imaginary conversation with my H. Lol. So I know it does help.
Although I’m going to miss him when he leaves, I do think things will get better for me. It’s going to take some getting used to since we’ve been together for so long, but over time, I’m sure I’ll be ok.
When he leaves I’ll be going dark. He has this fantasy that he and I will be the best of friends after he moves out. He’s going to be highly mistaken. If it’s not about the kids, the finances, or our house...there’s nothing for us to discuss.
I mentioned that to him once. He didn’t like what I said and didn’t seem to believe me. I’ll make sure my actions back my words up. Going dark will help with that.
I’m going to take that time to start a new life. A fresh new life without all of his MLC chaos. I’m going to continue to work on becoming the best version of myself that I can. I’m going to leave him to his mess. I’m to keep my focus solely on me.
So when he sends me a text asking me how I’m doing, how is my day, what am I doing, or to try to tell me how his day is going...I won’t respond. His calls will go to VM. If he leaves a message, I’ll determine by his message if a return call is warranted.
He wants a life without me...so much so that he took a pay cut to run away. Well that’s exactly what he’s going to get.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Hello LH19 and Ready2change, it’s been forever since I’ve logged in. Thank you for checking up on me.
A lot has happened in my sitch.
* my husband cancelled his move. This gave me so much hope. * he then declared his love for me and told me that he wanted to work on our marriage. * he said so many things that sounded promising. He loved me. He was scared of leaving because he was afraid he would lose me and that he would be making the biggest mistake of his life.
* he said he wanted to work on himself and even suggested Marta is he counseling. * he said I was a good wife and he realized that there was nothing wrong with his marriage. * that gave me hope. He started to act, talk, and sound like his old self. I thought for sure he had come out of the MLC tunnel. * Then he went away on a business trip and when he came back I found lingerie in his bag. Yes I snooped because my gut told me something wasn’t right.
I confronted him about it and of course he apologized...she means nothing...says he wasn’t able to perform so it doesn’t count as an affair. I told him that it does. Turns out it was the chick he met in Hawaii a year and a half ago. She came to visit family and he just so happened to be working in the city she was visiting. Yea...
* so he says he ended it with her before he left. She’s married. Yeah... * We had a blow up about that and some money he’s been taking out of our joint bank account....the money is missing. He claims he spent it how he wanted to and that it’s his money. * So after the blow up, he told me he wants a divorce. * He said he no longer has it for us. That he was just holding on because he was scared to let go. Says he hasn’t had it for us for years. * He then says that all this time he’s been thinking something is wrong with him and it’s not. He just doesn’t want to be here anymore. *Says he doesn’t know where he will go or what he will do, he just knows he doesn’t want to be here anymore.
* he hasn’t filed for divorce yet. Says he wants to wait until we finish with the projects we have for our house. * we still sleep in separate rooms and we barely talk to one another.
So there is my eventful update.
So looks like divorce is in my future.
So I’m just focusing on me as usual.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I’m am so sorry to hear your update. It is horrible that he got your hopes up only to do that to you. I know you are sting and will push through it. Take care of yourself!
I’m am so sorry to hear your update. It is horrible that he got your hopes up only to do that to you. I know you are sting and will push through it. Take care of yourself!
Thank you LH19, I truly appreciate it. Truthfully I don’t blame him for my high hopes. That’s my fault. I should have allowed his actions to prove to me he was ready.
Truth is, he’s not the man that I married, and he probably never will be. He has the freedom to be whoever he pleases. We all change and grow throughout life. Some for the better, some for the worse.
Truth is, he’s self-centered, selfish, childish, vindictive, a liar, and he’s immature. That is who he chooses to be and he’s well within his right to be all of the above. And I’m well within my right to choose that I deserve better for myself.
It’s sad that this is who he has become because it’s the total opposite of who he was for 11 years of our relationship. However, it is what it is. There’s nothing I can do to change him. He seems ok with who he is so...
So I’m continuing to focus on me. I’m not mean or rude to him but I’m very distant. If he wants a divorce, he can take care of that. I won’t stand in his way!
Last edited by Living; 12/01/1901:59 PM.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Living, I just finished reading your thread and WOW. I'm so sorry to hear about the turn of events. I am curious - what is holding you back from filing for D?
