That's the trick AS - where to draw the battle line.
She has also proposed we just do a temporary schedule for now so I can move out of the house. I'm not too keen on a temporary deal but I really do want out and into my own space....
It's really up to you but I will say that this happened to me: in the 11th hour when the D was ready to file my XW suddenly hit me with additional unexpected expenses in the D settlement. I think it was something like 15k, so not a small amount. I asked her via text, very politely, if we could sit down and discuss these added items because I didn't understand her description. And believe me that is putting it mildly, what she sent me was absolute gibberish, it was incomprehensible. What I got in response was surprising, it was a fuming rant that I needed to lawyer up and we would let the lawyers fight it out in court, and "believe me, I will tell them everything and you will come out on the losing end". I literally had no idea what she meant by "tell them everything", her response just stunned me. All the D negotiations had been quite peaceful up to that point, and here she was suddenly turning into the wicked witch of the west.
Anyway I felt all the depression and anxiety that I had finally put behind me starting to creep in again, and the thought of a prolonged court battle and possible slip back into depression really had me concerned. 15k wasn't worth some possibly very serious health issues to me, especially at a time when I was in a very fragile recovery. So I finally replied back "I simply wanted you to explain where you came up with these amounts as I didn't understand your description, but if you feel this is fair then I will trust you and sign off on it." And I did, and I don't regret it one bit because it was all over, signed, filed and done shortly after.
Divorce is compromise and usually neither part walks away thinking they "won". Try to negotiate a settlement you can live with, even if it's not the one you would have preferred.
I hear you AS. Nobody is winning in my divorce game. My continuing aim is to be fair but firm, same as in the contract negotiations that I deal with at work.
I am plus about $700 due to no spa treatment for W and no expensive brunch after.
Seriously, whoever came up with the line "cheaper to keep her" wasn't married I don't think
Also on my plus side is that with 50/50 custody there will be no child support, W makes great $$ so no spousal support, and W has her own retirement accounts so no raiding mine for half....
I also didn't overspend on Mother's Day. Not sure how she took it. I brought home a gift from a work trip last month and she told me bluntly not to buy her gifts.
I also didn't overspend on Mother's Day. Not sure how she took it. I brought home a gift from a work trip last month and she told me bluntly not to buy her gifts.
Gifts = Pursuit, don't do it.
My W is not getting any gifts from me, of any shape or size, for any occasion. She will get 1 small gift from each kid for Christmas, Birthday and Mothers' Day, with the kids being part of the selection process. Eventually they will take on that task for themselves.
Hey Gekko, I see a ton of parallels between our sitches, especially some things about W behaviors. I also was on the opposite end of being a NG and need to soften up a bit on certain things. My W can be so hyper critical about the smallest most insignificant things. I could do something perfectly and she would find something to nitpick. I read your sitch and a lot of times you would react with a joke or smiling. Do you have any other examples of good ways to react to that toxic criticism? And we’re there ever times you would shut it down?
Hey Gekko, I see a ton of parallels between our sitches, especially some things about W behaviors. I also was on the opposite end of being a NG and need to soften up a bit on certain things. My W can be so hyper critical about the smallest most insignificant things. I could do something perfectly and she would find something to nitpick. I read your sitch and a lot of times you would react with a joke or smiling. Do you have any other examples of good ways to react to that toxic criticism? And we’re there ever times you would shut it down?
Thanks
Hey Hallzy, thanks for stopping by! I just posted on your thread, take a look, and good luck buddy!
Still no progress on a formal custody agreement and division of property. Looks like we are going to have to get the mediator and possibly the L's involved to get this stuff hammered out. W will not respond to any of my proposals in writing.
At this point I am eager to move out of the house and get the kids 50/50.
W has not been critical or nasty for over a week, but much of that is because I am barely interacting with her. I am continuing to be affected by others' opinions of her. I was out with a couple of mutual friends for beers, their W's are friends with my W as well. I gave them a very general update on our status and they both commented that W is probably very "tough" to negotiate with. I just looked at them with raised eyebrows. One of them then said that his W liked my W but......and left it hanging as if to say she is not overly enamored with her. So I am continuing to be hit with outsiders' observations of W. Unsolicited. It is honestly causing me to withdraw from W even more.
