Steve, real question here. A lot of folks who have followed DBing and done the work and had patience and succeeded I've noticed have a close relationship with religion. Do you think this is a big part? Being a couple in which D is seen as "wrong" within their faith?
I'm curious to others thoughts as well.
I am an agnostic (previously I would have said I'm atheist).
My wife is a sworn atheist who believes the Bible is nothing more than fairytales.
Bomb day was January 2008 and we're still together. 3 children have come since.
I think whether or not you're religious has no bearing on your "sitch". None whatsoever.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
I think whether or not you're religious has no bearing on your "sitch". None whatsoever.
I think what you mean is it has little to do with whether or not you'll be able to save your marriage. Obviously, religion, or lack thereof, has a role to play in your "sitch".
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I think whether or not you're religious has no bearing on your "sitch". None whatsoever.
I think what you mean is it has little to do with whether or not you'll be able to save your marriage. Obviously, religion, or lack thereof, has a role to play in your "sitch".
That's exactly what I meant.
Except religion or lack thereof will have no influence at all on how your "sitch" develops.
That is, whether you save your marriage or not.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
GH, I do have to argue, that in my sitch, it did play a small role. At one point early on she talked like she would give religion up. But never followed through. At one point she began talking about how God hates D, and that knowing that made her want to want to stay. That's not a typo. She wanted to want to stay because she knew it was wrong.
However, I can't argue with your overall premise because in most cases, WASs, and WSs in particular, are prepared to go scorched Earth, including their religion.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
To say that any one variable does or doesn't affect one's sitch is pure conjecture.
Unless you could test it both ways keeping all other variables constant. Who knows?
To that point, I believe that religion has everything to do with the outcome.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
To say that any one variable does or doesn't affect one's sitch is pure conjecture.
Unless you could test it both ways keeping all other variables constant. Who knows?
To that point, I believe that religion has everything to do with the outcome.
Now I'm really confused.
Assertion 1: First you wrote "to say one variable does or doesn't affect the outcome is pure conjecture".
Religion is a variable, some absolutely swear by it, others (like my wife) put it in the same category as the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and leprechauns.
Assertion 2: You believe religion has everything to do with the outcome.
How can both assertions possibly be true?
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
I am not a religious person. I was raised Christian and believe in god. I feel that religion can affect a sitch solely based on the fact that most people who are religious truly understand what it means to have faith.
Even though I am not religious, I have faith that my life will work out like its supposed to.
Religion and the Bible can absolutely give you guidance at minimum.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
Obviously your personal religious/ spiritual beliefs come into play in this and all other aspects of your life. But, WAW's can rationalize darned near anything and everything. They will convince themselves what they are doing is good and right now matter how strong their religious convictions. It might go something like this- "God wants me to be happy. I am not happy in this marriage and that makes God sad. Since he wants me to be happy then he would approve of me getting a separation and eventually divorce. He knows I tried everything to save the M." This is why we say not to ask others to intervene. Even if it's a pastor/ priest/ etc. that the WAW previously respected, she will convince herself he is now wrong.
