From what I thought cake eating was when a spouse wants to keep the husband around to do husbandly things and at the same time have a new love interest.
This interaction was the only this week. Lasted about 20 minutes. The majority of the time was spent discussing son. She asked me inside for Son to show me something. Once she changed subjects to questions about my personal life I told her it wasn’t her business. I did her no favors. Did nothing husbandly for her. She asked me to stay; I left.
I guess if it’s considered cake eating to have a short conversation then I’m guilty haha. I understand the idea that you think I shouldn’t have given her a chance to talk to me at all but Idk I don’t really see how I was feeding her cake, thanks for the reply.
Oh absolutely man I was really on the fence about Disneyland. I’m still having second thoughts. But Disneyland was a big deal for me during my childhood and I have great memories going with my parents. I know that he is too young to remember but I don’t want to miss my sons first time there and not have any pictures there with him.
Yeah I am kind of dreading it though because I’ve been doing pretty good at detaching when I don’t see my W. So I worry about a setback if I spend two days with her. But I decided to go because of my Son. Any more advice on how to handle this trip is appreciated.
LH19 is right. Playing family is cake eating. I had to tell my W 5 times to stop inviting me to certain family and social functions because we are seperating/divorcing. Whether she realizes she is doing it or being manipulative or not? She would only invite me to certain, but not all social functions with S1. The beach, nieces or BIL events, etc.
In her romanticized mind, it would be good for S1 to still experience love and support from both patents even though we are seperating/divorcing. She even said to myself during this conversation, that I would have to be there, that my attendance would be mandatory to attend, when her and S1 go to Disneyworld in the near future..lol..
So I saw it a different way, and put it to her like this. We are seperating, we are doing things seperate. We can both jointly support S1 as he gets older with recreation, achievements, etc. I told her that I think it would be confusing to everyone outside our M if we were to attend certain functions at this time, and also may potentially psychologically confuse S1 as he develops from toddler, into childhood, about why mommy and daddy don't live together, but only do things together. That I wasn't going to intentionally confuse him, or display false hope to him, as he learns how other family's that stay together operate, as he gets older.
I've had to ask her 5 times to stop inviting me to functions with S1 that serve her convenience. I could be mind reading here but I see what she is doing. She wants help, relief and assistance with S1 so she can enjoy herself more with family and friends without no real commitment. Well actions have consequences...lol... Just like I have to manage S1 when I take him out alone. She doesnt see she is being manipulative, but she is.
I had to put my foot down hard with that since she continued to keep asking me for favors related to S1 without due notice, and kept inviting me to stuff even though I've asked her not to several times. IMO she has gotten so petty with tit for tat time exchanges with S1, always assuming courtesies, and not ever asking for then up front in agreements, division of stuff, attempting to remove me off the house deed, but still wants to invite me to social affairs? NO WAY!!! So I had to write her an very matter of fact email stating to stop texting me at work, stop calling me, and all communications and requests must come through email from now on, or I will not respond. It has to be agreed up front and in writing by both parties within 48 hrs notice as well. Any discussions in person are welcome. That should eliminate any communication issues or cake eating as far as I'm concerned.
Whether I'm doing more or less damage in chances in R who knows? Who cares at this point? I might as well have things on my terms and eliminate any confusion or cake eating...
Yes. Take him by yourself, its good practice to adapt to single dad life.
You know what is wierd Hallzy? I have heard W say on multiple occasions that its good that we seperate or divorce now since S1 will have no memory or trauma of Mom and Dad being together. But they want us to go to Disneyworld, Disneyland, and other selective functions with them, when they will have no memory of it at this age? Pardon my French But that makes NO F@$!ING SENSE WHATSOEVER! Its to serve their purpose of playing family, taking pictures to post on social media, alleviate their child care and receive free help with no commitment, or loyalty to you. They mean well in involving their father's in their children's lives I think, and in their minds they are always right with everything. But we are perfectly capable or enjoying our own time with our own children on our own terms and volition if this is how they wanted it in the first place, thank you very much. You going is not helping or hurting your situation. It is mainly for your children. But once a W fires you as her H. All personal benefits to them as one, should stop. There is no more something for nothing. Your time is valuable. There are so many double standards that come along on this ride through the fog, that its not even funny. Its disgusting.
Last edited by Cadet; 06/10/1901:55 PM. Reason: combine posts
Agreed with all. You´ll get plenty of time to make your own memories with S at a more suitable age. This kind of commitment will make you anxious and will give W a nice eating cake time.
Detach and keep DB. Be strong there H!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
