Got a life, now what?

[AlisonUK]

97Hope, I think it's okay to be private about what's going on in your marriage if that is what is best for you. If you were protecting your H - as some of us do or have done around their poor behaviour and protecting them from the social consequences of that, it would be a bad thing. But being private because you want to be sounds like a good boundary to me. I'm glad you're doing so well.

[97Hope]

CW,
I am ALL about hope!! (get it?? Because of my user name!? I crack myself up)
I think that's what makes this forum different/special. We share the good, bad and the ugly and continue to hope, and look at the positive, and just keep moving forward.

I do believe these choices I am making will make my life better no matter what. When I stopped making it about H, everything got better. Not always easy, but better.

Hope you are doing well. : ) (see what I did there?)

[97Hope]

Alison!

I am doing well. H rushed in and out of here this afternoon to fix the garage door before he leaves. Thanked him like he just did my taxes. : )

I'm hoping these next two weeks are a respite for myself. Everyone gone, house quiet. I am choosing to use it for my benefit. All I want to do is sleep when I'm not working. ugh!!

Don't feel depressed just sleepy all the time!
You doing ok?

[dillydaf]

Journaling,

Work colleague came over from the UK to our office on Monday. He was GORGEOUS and funny and we had an amazing day at work. Laughed our heads off and worked well together.

Everyone was going out last night and I was going to go, but I felt a shift and I decided that it was not a good place for me. I was enjoying his attention in a way that would not lead to good things. While I don't think either one of us would have crossed a line, I just knew that I was looking into attention too much.

Felt a little embarrassed that a fun day at work with a handsome man did so much for my confidence, and then I reminded myself that I am 1. Human 2. Still a woman. So I went to bed with my laptop and watched comedy until I fell asleep.

I should mention that this is the first time in 15 years that I have genuinely found a man attractive other than my H. It was both scary and also let me know that if this doesn't work out, I'm not doomed to spinsterhood for life. Don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but I've just been a little scared that I won't ever feel about anyone the way I do my H and that can be sad and scary.

I understand that completely, your H is not your only option and you are open to the potential if you D. That makes complete sense (as does you not finding other men attractive before, you had rightly closed that option off because you were a loyal and loving W) And isn't it nice to flirt and be admired when the person you love most in the world has rejected you? That rejection is crushing and takes a long time to bounce back from, it seems like you're getting there. Good call on not taking it further with this gorgeous man though, admirable

[AlisonUK]

I am doing really well, 97Hope - thanks for asking. Lots of GAL today including concentrating with new vigour on some paperwork related to a promotion I am considering applying for. It's a really involved process and I haven't had the head for it earlier, but I forced myself into it and am making progress today. Gosh it is boring work, but it is also a step forward to a future I don't need anyone else to supply for me. If I don't get it I will be fine, but I may as well try. Youngest is sick and home from school today so I'm going to turn off the computer now and have a cuddle with him on the sofa. In good spirits.

[97Hope]

Journaling,

Yesterday was quite the ordeal as my boss changed my timesheet after she had signed it because VP decided to pay me at a lower rate. We had had a meeting about it on Thursday, and they did not honor it, so I will not be going back. (I'm a consultant, so I have this luxury). I was supposed to work at least until the end of the year and they made some offers of future permanent employment, but nothing in writing.

Instead of getting emotional about it, I was completely cool and was smiling on the way out. I was clear, direct and firm and even responded to the boss when she said I was being petty, "I'm not in to the personal attacks. You changed my timesheet after you signed it. I'm not ok with that. I will not be consulting for you any more."

Had I not been DBing, this would NOT have gone down like that! So thankful for detachment etc. I would have taken this so personally 2 years ago!! I would have felt worthless and less-than and have been face down in fudge under the bed for three days!! AND I would have continued to drag myself down there and act as if I deserved it.

Now? I woke up and yelled "hallelujah!" because I don't have to drive for 2 hours each way on monday!!

I don't know what I'm going to do now for a job, but H is still taking care of everything, so I'm going to do my best to find something closer to home. Might not make as much, but I will be ok. The greatest thing? I KNOW that I will be ok.

I didn't want any of this, but I am growing. I am so thankful for that. Listened to a sermon on the drive down "make the best of the mess".

My next thread will be titled that.

Thankful for the other standers here and for your encouragement and especially the laughs. I'm going to treat myself this weekend by buying myself some stupid expensive lipstick! ; )

H gone. Day 3. He has texted quite a bit. Encouragement for my meeting, checking in to see how I'm doing. I talk to him like an accountant. (Thanks, again for that!!)

Hope you are all doing well and making the best of your messes!!

[job]

New Thread:

Making the best of the mess.