IMO if you are mentally prepared for a D and the house will need to be sold after D, then I don't think moving out or making a stand to stay really matters? S will also probably help make a better decision on D compared to IHS. If either of you likes the S then decision to D becomes easier, if not you try for R
Moving forward with this separation, I am curious what is the advice for interacting with my W?
I assume it would be to limit texts, discussions, etc. to only that which is necessary - kids, co-parenting, financial, etc. and validate/listen for the rest.
Moving forward with this separation, I am curious what is the advice for interacting with my W?
I assume it would be to limit texts, discussions, etc. to only that which is necessary - kids, co-parenting, financial, etc. and validate/listen for the rest.[/qu[quote=unchien]Moving forward with this separation, I am curious what is the advice for interacting with my W?
I assume it would be to limit texts, discussions, etc. to only that which is necessary - kids, co-parenting, financial, etc. and validate/listen for the rest.
I would say that is a fair assessment. It's going to hurt and your W is going to feel like a complete and total stranger to you. But it's going to help you detach and move forward as well. The pursuit and distance model is really going to come into effect here. I wish you luck in rebuilding yourself during the time
I would say that is a fair assessment. It's going to hurt and your W is going to feel like a complete and total stranger to you. But it's going to help you detach and move forward as well. The pursuit and distance model is really going to come into effect here. I wish you luck in rebuilding yourself during the time
Been 3 months of this for me and W does feel like a stranger. Oddly she has come to talk once a week or two, and initiates texts every 3 or 4 days since DB. That sounds awful to someone in a normal R, but I am comparing this to 5 months of total silence and complete radio blackout on texting previously. She is still in replay/depression/withdrawal, still talking S, but it is progress, however glacial.
U, I think that indecision is exactly where it should be (except I think that married people should be 100% committed to fixing their MR). You and your wife have been together for a long time. There is no reason to push for decisiveness. It took you and your wife a long time to get to break down your MR, and it will take a long time to build it back up.
I feel like I understand your frustration with the indecision. I can't believe that my wife isn't working like crazy to improve our relationship. I feel she owes it to me after all we have been through and the three beautiful children that are relying on us to keep our family in tact. I HATE THE LIMBO. I feel like my life is on hold, and I resent my wife a lot for this. I want to be making family memories this summer, and instead I handcuffed. I wanted to take my family to Europe for vacation, but my wife doesn't want to travel because she needs time to think. I HATE THIS. But it is where we are, so the indecision on her part is better than being decisively ready to D.
You seem to be wanting to end your MR too now. I can totally understand that. But don't force a decision that doesn't have to be made yet.
I think it doesn’t make any sense to you because you are still taking your Ws word that you are working on the marriage.
This is still one of your downfalls. You still think she was mad she didn’t get a letter and you still think she was mad you were distancing. Believe nothing they say!
I will repeat this again. People who are working on there marriage don’t separate. They do it together in MC.
There is absolutely zero chance she is not going to like the setup of living the single life with you paying for everything and yes I’m going to say it and you probably won’t believe it, getting a break from three young kids 50% of the time.
U, I think that indecision is exactly where it should be (except I think that married people should be 100% committed to fixing their MR). You and your wife have been together for a long time. There is no reason to push for decisiveness. It took you and your wife a long time to get to break down your MR, and it will take a long time to build it back up.
I feel like I understand your frustration with the indecision. I can't believe that my wife isn't working like crazy to improve our relationship. I feel she owes it to me after all we have been through and the three beautiful children that are relying on us to keep our family in tact. I HATE THE LIMBO. I feel like my life is on hold, and I resent my wife a lot for this. I want to be making family memories this summer, and instead I handcuffed. I wanted to take my family to Europe for vacation, but my wife doesn't want to travel because she needs time to think. I HATE THIS. But it is where we are, so the indecision on her part is better than being decisively ready to D.
You seem to be wanting to end your MR too now. I can totally understand that. But don't force a decision that doesn't have to be made yet.
Destroyd - I agree, she is probably being indecisive because of the years of good memories and what we did build together.
