I feel like I should ask her so that way I know where to start
Steve said it but to reiterate, if you ask her you will just keep hearing what she has already told you:
"I I JUST WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!"
-or-
“I don’t know I don’t want to do this tonight”
Either that or she will get sick and tired of you asking and say she wants a divorce. Keep pushing her buttons and you will not like the responses you get. Leave her alone and she will settle down.
That repulsive bit. If that’s true..... I’m setting in my truck here on lunch break with tears rolling.
I'm sorry, it's not that you are -really- repulsive, that's just how the mind of the WAS works. We've all been there! I'm sure you haven't had a chance to read through other sitches, but Steve was where you are and now he and his wife are happily reconciled, so please understand we're just talking about how she feels right NOW. It can and will change, so hang in there!
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I had no idea. She is the woman of my dreams. She is home and without her I am homeless
I know that sounds stupid but that’s how I feel
Not at all stupid, believe me we here, we understand! We've been there! It's a horrible feeling. Just take life a day at a time for now. Try not to worry about the unknown. Just listen, read, follow the advice, and be patient.
Ok. Is it normal for it to hurt this bad? To not be able to focus on work? I’m 2 months in to a new job and a new city and I feel like the wind is knocked out of me but it wont come back
But the most important to me is. Do these ever have happy endings?
Thanks everybody. Sorry I’m such a wreck. I’m just trying to get my bearings
But right now I just wanna crawl in a hole in the ground
I had no idea. She is the woman of my dreams. She is home and without her I am homeless
That is not healthy. Please look into getting into IC. Take control of YOUR life. People come and go, you will always be you. Your W could get in an accident, or ill, and pass away. Believe it or not you will go on. So drop the "I can't go on" and pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ok. Is it normal for it to hurt this bad? To not be able to focus on work? I’m 2 months in to a new job and a new city and I feel like the wind is knocked out of me but it wont come back
100% absolutely, completely normal. I am an architect so lots of time sitting at a desk. I couldn't sit, fight-or-flight would kick in and I had to get up. Sometimes I walked down the hall and back. Sometimes I went down to the first floor and walked around the building. It was horrible, couldn't think, didn't want to eat, couldn't focus. If you continue to have trouble then go talk to your doc. I finally did that and he prescribed anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety drug. I only took the anti-anxiety pill if that fight-or-flight thing hit me and it really worked. It would calm me down and allow me to focus. The anti-depressants took a couple of weeks to kick in but once they did I felt much more like my old self. What's happening to you is a chemical imbalance, it will eventually resolve but it can take a while. Medication does help if you need to get back on track sooner.
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But the most important to me is. Do these ever have happy endings?
Yes, they always do. Some reconcile and some don't, but everyone eventually gets back to a happy place. I was totally gutted like you, thought I would die if I didn't get my XW back. Now I don't want her back. I didn't choose to live without her, she chose that, but I made the best of it. I have an awesome relationship with my kids, my career is great, I love my home, my finances are in order, and I have a beautiful girlfriend that showers me with attention and affection. Whether you reconcile or not eventually you will be a success story. But there's hell to go through before that, so strap in!
Ok so I just read Brett and Stella’s story in DR. Brett was being mr nice guy and his 180 was to tell his wife he wasn’t going to be the doormat and if his wife wanted out she should leave (so he essentially brought up the R).
This is what you guys told me not to do though
I’m confused.
Am I supposed to bring something up. Or am I supposed to be last resorting right now? We are still sleeping in the same bed by the way
Ok so I just read Brett and Stella’s story in DR. Brett was being mr nice guy and his 180 was to tell his wife he wasn’t going to be the doormat and if his wife wanted out she should leave (so he essentially brought up the R).
This is what you guys told me not to do though
I’m confused.
You only do that if it's what you want. If you are OK with her leaving then do it. I don't think you are though, at least not yet. You can't do ANYTHING as as trick to get her back because it doesn't work that way.
