I think it’s the microwave society we live in. People want everything now without having to work for it, like happiness.
Originally Posted by IHCLACS
There is something that I want to add to this. Im sure during courtship and marriage. A lot of the experiences we have had with our spouses were wonderful, as time went on and real life responsibilities set it, im sure of those experiences became not so wonderful. So? What I am trying to figure out is?... I understand past is past, and all we have is right now, and the future, that we have to move forward, that our time is important, that life is finite. But why is it that most of us in our circumstsnces, the past doesn't hold enough value for anyone to consider to stay? To work, to try? To learn new skills, to do the inner work? I know we are all brojen in a sense as well as our spouses, and it's not our job to fix them. That we have expectations of people and ourselves and if there is no way one human being can meet all of them for another. Again no one perception is right or wrong? I just find it amusing that some people are drifters all in the name of seeking happiness, and others are commited to staying put because it is the right thing to do? I think that some people recognise relationships as ups and downs, good times and bad, all through the entire duration of life, and others see it as right now, how is this serving me? Do I see a happy future based on previous behaviors and experiences, is this what I want? Is this what the other person wants out of life? All these questions...
I'm going to be honest with you ozman. I've tried using tactics early on an even into the present it doesn't work. Im going to be honest with you Oman. I don't think tactics are going to help. I've tried all that. Implementing tactics is implykng that you are trying to control, manipulate and expect a desired outcome of another human being, and their perception of the world, and of you. You have to pursue you're life without them and leave them to their own devices, desires, and demons. I know nobody wants to hear that including myself, but you have to let them go. We don't own them, posses them, control them, and apparently and currently think like them or have their perception of things.
Remember the beginning when you dated W or any other person for that matter? I'm willing to bet while you were single, you were doing things for yourself, you were independent minded, you had passion and purpose, and you didn't give a flying f@$! about any particular outcomes, almost as if the R happened by chance or accident.
We need to get back to that place by GALing. Our spouses are done, they don't want us, the M, the R or the family. All if this "attractiveness" and AMOAFWL that everyone speaks of here, has to be purposefully intended for ourselves. Then, and only then, MAY!!! Not SHALL OR WILL possibly attract the W back.
Be happy for you. Be happy for them. Be happy for your kids, your family and friends. Keep em laughing, keep em guessing, keep em smiling, and keep them on their toes. Let go. Let them go. Lean into the suck. It will make you nuts at first like anything uncomfortable. But it will eventually make you stronger. you will start the see the world on your world a little the differently slowly day by day. The past has no bearing on theirs or your future right now together. Apparently they think that they can do better in life so I say let thyou em.
My GAL. I will be on stage next WED night with a mic in hand doing my first comedy bit
The W and I are clicking really well right now as friends cleaning house. Should I roll with it. I so badly want to bring up something while she is in a good mood. Also she just said “. We have to clean this basement up before WE move out of this house. Made me happy. Reading into it too much?
Last edited by Cadet; 06/25/1902:45 PM. Reason: combine posts
They are under a roller coaster of emotion. My wife has been cold and short with me for 3-4 days and then tonight on webchat, it was just like old times. I try not to read into that either.
They are hurting and clueless about what they want
Originally Posted by ozman
The W and I are clicking really well right now as friends cleaning house. Should I roll with it. I so badly want to bring up something while she is in a good mood. Also she just said “. We have to clean this basement up before WE move out of this house. Made me happy. Reading into it too much?
Dont read into the WE too much. It has no meaning bearing or weight. Trust me and all the others on this. Her words mean nothing just as much as your does to her. Actions and humility is what turns people back or not at all.
I read into things early in my sich after BD in Oct. In Jan my W said ILY when I helped her with MIL's birthday party. That was the last time and things have progressively gotten worse since then, to the point where we both agree on D and just pretty much ignore each other and do our own thing. She still tries to play the friends card, but there is no "romantical value" or respect there as a man. I'm pretty much dead to her and her to me in the "romantical sense"
Oz, you keep asking what to do, please print out Sandi's rules and read them several times a day. They are your template on how to behave. They are like DB'ing "crib notes". Just try and calm down, you sound extremely anxious. It took you a long time to get to this point even though it seems sudden, and it will take a long time to dig out of it. Patience!
Originally Posted by HrtHsbnd
It’a great that you’re in a great place! What is your ex wife doing now?
She owns a home about 5 minutes away from me. After our D she went through a fight with breast cancer but is now cancer free and doing well. I see her about once a week when we exchange our son (our two daughters are grown now). We still have joint celebrations for birthdays and Christmas. It was my bday a couple of weeks ago and she and I and the 3 kids went out for dinner and then for ice cream, she paid. Then we went to her place and they gave me a few presents. This has been our life after D, we're still in each other's lives and get along just fine.
