I see your point, but I know myself. I just wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her once we got divorced.
Originally Posted by Steve85
Originally Posted by HrtHsbnd
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
She owns a home about 5 minutes away from me. After our D she went through a fight with breast cancer but is now cancer free and doing well. I see her about once a week when we exchange our son (our two daughters are grown now). We still have joint celebrations for birthdays and Christmas. It was my bday a couple of weeks ago and she and I and the 3 kids went out for dinner and then for ice cream, she paid. Then we went to her place and they gave me a few presents. This has been our life after D, we're still in each other's lives and get along just fine.
That’s great and I think you are a better man than I am. I would NOT be willing to have a relationship if I get divorced, especially after what she’s done to our family by making the decision to leave.
be careful with these kind of pronouncements. After my W's EA in 2005, I said if she ever did it again i would out here. 12 years later, EA #2, I went right back into MR saving mode.
I agree, but it’s just hard when I feel like she’s not putting him first by wanting out in the first place
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by HrtHsbnd
That’s great and I think you are a better man than I am. I would NOT be willing to have a relationship if I get divorced, especially after what she’s done to our family by making the decision to leave.
We do it for the kids. We talked a lot about it after BD and were both on board with supporting the kids and making it all as easy on them as we could. So we continued to have joint get-togethers for birthdays and Christmas. You and your W have S5 together, so you have no choice but to have some kind of relationship. Try to look past your hurt and pain and remember S5 is caught in the middle of this.
EDIT- sorry I forgot this is Oz's thread, let's try to keep it focused on him!
So how do I know if she is a WAW or a WW or a MLC?
WAW- unhappy W that has had enough. WW- suddenly buying new sexy undergarments, running around with single/ separated/ divorced friends, super secretive, GGW (girls gone wild). MLC- all of the above plus a nearly complete loss of control of finances, and partial or complete abandonment of children. Sometimes there's a blending of the above that makes it hard to "diagnose" as one or the other. In the end like LH said the DB'ing approach is the same. The biggest difference is MLC can take a LOT longer to resolve.
I just read a few of your posts. It's clear that you are really feeling the pain. I want to challenge you to start putting your own health first and calm yourself down the best you can. Do things that will make you feel better (not drugs, drinking, etc). You are spinning and looking for the magic potion. It does not exist. Right now you really need to read the detachment thread about 3 times per day and put that into practice.
You mentioned something about DB'ing for 2 weeks with no change. These things take a while to get into and a while to get out of. Since you can't control the timeline, you need to worry about something you can control. Like your health. And I mean your overall health: physical, spiritual, emotional. You need a support system that doesn't involve your W in any way. Vent there. Then spend your time making your life great again. Seriously.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
