Hey guys. I just wanted to end the night on a good note. I honestly think W is watching to se if my changes are real remember the other night when I offered to cook dinner she scoffed. I haven’t let up on my 180s and there are really subtle changes. We were working on laundry together and doing dishes. And I got a few tentative compliments. There would be long periods of silence but I would crack a quick joke now and then and maker her laugh. Our house needs a lot. A few weeks ago when doing housework she would say “I need to do this or that” and make a point that she didn’t need or want my help. Lately though, she has been saying we more. WE should do this or that. She has been asking me to do things that need done. I think this is a really good thing!?! Before I found you guys I visited with my sister about this. She said that the less she asks for help with basic house duties the worse things are
So at this moment. Fleeting as it is. I have found I small little island of happiness. It’s VERY small. But it is there.
To those who are following my story. I hope maybe something in it makes you feel better. I hope to repost this entire bad boy in the success stories one day. But for tonight. I’m ok
Thanks cadet. And they are sky high. Maybe it’s autism or something. But I’m a perpetually positive person. I still feel like this is gonna work out.
I so badly want to just sit down with her and say “babe, what are we doing? What are your plans? And if she is making plans for exit tell her that I don’t want her to go and I will be sad without her but I will help you on your way and have your back and try to preserve our friendship.
Other than my lover and my wife and a beautiful wife. She is my BEST FRIEND. Whether it going to the movies or going to get groceries she makes every activity better.
Losing the sex Sad
Losing the M Sad
Losing the togetherness and plutonic intimacy Really sad
If that’s true, why would you pressure her to make a decision she isn’t ready to make?
That would be very selfish.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
Your spouse needs to know you want to make it work right
After BD if you just start BDing doesn’t that just make it look like your accepting that your M is over? Like she sees that I’m just being comfortable without her so it makes it EASIER for her to leave
I Your spouse needs to know you want to make it work right
After BD if you just start BDing doesn’t that just make it look like your accepting that your M is over? Like she sees that I’m just being comfortable without her so it makes it EASIER for her to leave
That is the intuitive way to look at it. However, DBing is COUNTER INTUITIVE. And that is why it is a chance to work.
By time you get BD'd, your W has accepted that she must hurt you. They expect you to beg, plead, cry, be hurt and upset. They expect you to hold on tightly because they know you!
And when you do exactly what they expect it cements in their mind that they are making the right decision.
When you do the opposite of that it makes them question their decision. And when you show them you are going to be fine no matter what, they start to question if they will be too.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
That is what I’ve been looking for. I really want to understand what makes DBing work. The thought processes involved
It’s a science. And if I understand how it works it will be easier to implement. I have never liked following things without a firm backing behind them
I feel like maybe I’m only half DBing. like I need to really just “move on” I guess?? Is it a “let her go” to get her back thing?
Is it normal for all your senses and emotions to kick AGAINST DBING hard? like really hard to where you feel in your GUT that your doing it wrong?
