Had an awesome day with her today. Getting better at validation. Life has returned to normal except no intimacy. It’s nice and awful at the same time. Again I know it’s fast. But everything in our R has been so why not. How much better does it get before next step is taken? Remember I don’t read clues well (autism!). Spell it out in black and white. I’m sure it’s too early. But I’d like to know when I see it. She shows no signs of discomfort around me. I’m very careful to not press her about anything intimate. I don’t know how it gets any better actually than an ILY. Or something physical.
Man this is tough. Like really tough.
I’m actually growing more confident there is no A. She’s just sad and lonely. She has been an awesome mother and an awesome wife. Looking back I don’t know how she put up with me so long. I haven’t been easy to live with. I hope she can fall in love with me again
The most important thing is that you continue to make your positive changes regardless of how she responds. This gives you the best shot of "fixing" the relationship in the long run. Because over time, as she sees your consistency, she can trust that your changes are real and lasting. That is when she will start to rethink her M with you. For some people that can take many weeks or even months. For some, it takes years. That is why we keep telling you that you have to give this a long time and be patient. I think you can do it. So try not to stress over every detail and what is right or wrong with DBing, and just focus on being the best man you can be. It is almost that simple.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Take it a day at a time oz. Some days she may act nicer to you but don’t read into it. Their emotions are a roller coaster currently and even if you are showing positive changes it will take time for her to buy into these changes. Just try to focus on yourself and try not to mind read.
Hey oz, yes things typically get better when you remove all pressure and pursuit. My W really warmed up to me after a month of no pressure and pursuit. Went from sleeping on the edge of the bed to cuddling with me again. But at the end of the day she still moved out. I would say you are doing well but don’t read into it or get your hopes up too much. If she wants to work on the M she will let you know. Just keep following DB, listen, validate, do not pursue. But try to get to a point where you do not worry about what she is thinking. In the end it will be her choice to stay and work on the M or not.
