Ihclacs. I think you can leave a M. But you had better have tried DAMN hard to fix it first. Which includes communication
Steve I don’t know what to think of the wedding pictures thing. I was trying to get office in order to start bankruptcy process. Lots of boxes and shelves that needed sorted. I opened a box of her things. Went downstairs and asked her to sort them (politely). She came upstairs sorted them then started sorting more. She came across wedding album, guest list etc. she went through them for a min quietly. She then handed my half of them and told me to sort out the bad ones. She did her half. She showed me a few. She said “wow look at this it’s the only good one of our cake”
She resents her whole life. She has said this to me
And now more details about the "she went through the wedding pictures". Where in DBing do you see anything that resembles : "I opened a box of her things. Went downstairs and asked her to sort them (politely)." That is not GAL. It certainly is not detachment. And if it is a 180 then it is a bad 180.
Go through your things. Sort and organize them. When you come to hers, set it aside. No need to "go downstairs and ask her to sort them". That is pressure. That is pursuit. That is putting on her what you want done.
This is what we are trying to tell you. BD was her screaming for time and space. You aren't giving that to her. If you truly loved her, you would. You are dealing with her in the way YOU want to, not the way she wants to be dealt with. If you love her you have to understand that for her to be happy might mean she has to leave you. And that hurts, and it upsets your apple-cart, but love demands that you let her go. This is hard truth that I had to come to.
Its kind of like rescuing a wild animal that is deserted as baby. The day will come that if you really care about the animal, you will set it free. How much more do you love your W than an animal? And yet you would hope to keep her caged?
And yes, the coworker thing is not good. But as ovr said, not surprising. There is always an OM, even if it is just a fantasy OM. This changes nothing. You just keep working on you!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
"16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK THEM NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home! You are giving them space and asking no questions! You enjoy your time with your kids, friends, etc. Remember, you are getting a life, also."
How often and how long has she been having lunch with this male co-worker? What do you know about her intentions? What about his intentions? How did you learn about this?
I learned about this from a neighbor who picked up in something was off between W and me. Who we are both friends with. Our neighbors are a really cool couple our age. When my W gets alone with the neighbors W. She really starts to talk. Neighbors W said” it really seems like she is really unhappy but she haven’t decided anything on leaving you”. The she said “I don’t think she is having an A but she has thought about it. Like she is weighing her options” And really needs someone to talk to because she is emotionally disconnected from you. But she always opens up to me and you can tell she is looking for an emotional connection.”
My neighbor is very intuitive and has actually counciled some couples back from bad things
The 4 of us were visiting last night and neighbors W told me today
“When you walked outside and started visiting with us. Your W looked like she was judging you. Scrutinizing your every move. Like she was waiting for you to mess up”
Neighbor thinks W haven’t decided anything but is trying to weigh pros and cons.
Side note my W posted on FB today that “the only people I need in my life are the people who need me in theirs”
Best thing you could do is to get off of Facebook. We've seen countless LBSs tripped up here because of things they've read on social media from their spouse. I personally hate social media and do not use it at all. I know younger folks can't seem to live without it. Even though they could if they tried.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hi Ozman, new underwear makes a lady feel sexy. Remember a couple pages ago when folks suggested GAL?
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IF you were a woman, I would tell you to get yourself looking smoking hot. Do up your hair, makeup, good smelling perfume, a sexy dress, high heels. Be happy while doing this. (These things are attractive to men. We are simple creatures) Then leave the house. Tell H "I am going out". Then go to a coffee shop and relax. Or a movie. Be gone for several hours.
When my W was having her EA, and sharing nude pics, she started grooming down below. I happened to notice one night even though she hadn't been changing in front of me. When I brought it up later, after I knew about the nude pics (she didn't know I knew) she denied she had been grooming to try to their me off.
So you're right to start vigilant about things like new undies.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
