[Traveler]

Hi Ozman,

Trying not to read too much into it.

Her: just standing there staring at me. Nervous laugh. Walked away

She is attracted to me I can tell.

If your W is at a tipping point of wanting to come back to R.

I read someone working hard to decipher ever miniscule move she makes.

You know your wife, but yesterday your neighbor tells you she's scrutinizing your every move, having lunches with a male co-worker, and considering an affair. Today you interpret a nervous laugh--it could be a positive sign--as she wants to undo everything. To me that doesn't follow.

[ozman]

Ok I guess it was just one lunch. Which she openly told neighbor about

Neighbor thinks she is searching for emotional connection

Neighbor thinks that the scrutinizing is trying to figure me out. Like are my changes for real.

All I know is something is different (in a good way). What it means I don’t know. But it’s definately there and noticeable.

I’m not trying to scrutinize. That’s just how I am.

She acts like she wants to be around me more. Like I said. I don’t know what it means. She is just acting a lot different

[ozman]

Still wanna figure out friend zone deal

[LH19]

Oz,

My guess is the difference is you’re not asking her 4 times a day if everything is ok so she’s not feeling pressured and is able to be around you more. The minute you put pressure on then my guess is she will start to avoid you again.

There is a poster on here RR who has been in the friend zone over a year. The point is that you get out of it when you decide you are not going to put up with it anymore. It’s hard to soften a harden heart without time or space.

[SteveLW]

ozman, LH told you how to get out of the FZ......don't settle for the FZ.

I was friend zoned by an ex-gf whom I wanted to get back together with. For years. One day I decided the FZ wasn't for me.

Here is the deal. When a woman FZ'd you have to option. Stay in the FZ. Or tell her to hit the bricks.

I suspect your question about how to get out of the FZ was more like this: "I don't want to be in FZ, I want to be her lover again. So how can I get out of the FZ and be her lover again?"

Wrong question, because there is no answer to that. You get to decide if you are in the FZ or not. You don't get to decide if she will accept you back in as her lover.

So your choices are to move on.....or be in the FZ. Thus LH's answer: "The only way to get out of the friend zone is when you decide it’s bull $hit that your w put you in the friend zone."

Most guys will languish in the FZ for a long time thinking they can "nice" her back into letting him be her lover. Doesn't work. Humans want what they can't have. Guess what....once I busted out of the FZ with my ex-gf she called me up, said she wanted to come to my apartment. That she had "shaved her legs" for the visit. By then I was happily with my W (then my GF) and wanted nothing to do with the ex anymore. No matter how smooth her legs were............

[SteveLW]

I also have a genuine question. If your W is at a tipping point of wanting to come back to R. Isn’t it our job to give a little nudge?

Go ahead and nudge her. Make sure you are wearing a cup............

[joejoe1]

Oz,

I would nudge!!!! If you wait to long, you will start to come off like you aren't interested. Remember the doors is open/cracked, but not flung open.

I would start with a question, an easy one, like, "How was your day?". See if she runs with it, and wait to see if she follows up, with, "how was your day?. Stay away from relationship talks at all cost for right now. Those talks will drag both of you down, too heavy for the moment. I REPEAT no relationship talks. Avoid.

If she opens up, keep the convo light. Don't try to push for the physical. If it happens it happens.

You got this.

If anything physical happens. Live with it for that moment, doesn't mean she's all in love with. Take it as just sex, for now

Joe

[SteveLW]

Oz,

I would nudge!!!! If you wait to long, you will start to come off like you aren't interested. Remember the doors is open/cracked, but not flung open.

I would start with a question, an easy one, like, "How was your day?". See if she runs with it, and wait to see if she follows up, with, "how was your day?. Stay away from relationship talks at all cost for right now. Those talks will drag both of you down, too heavy for the moment. I REPEAT no relationship talks. Avoid.

If she opens up, keep the convo light. Don't try to push for the physical. If it happens it happens.

You got this.

If anything physical happens. Live with it for that moment, doesn't mean she's all in love with. Take it as just sex, for now

Joe

I am not sure oz was talking about the same kind of nudge that you are joejoe. My guess is oz wanted to just blast the door open and say, "I WANT TO COME IN!"

As I told him, if he does it that way, wear a cup. She is going to likely kick him in the nuts.

[ozman]

Ok. The friend zone bit. Totally lost me. Like speaking Greek. I have no idea how to get out

To the other bit. She talked my ear off and I listened and validated and looked her in the eyes and kept an
Open body posture. All because I said is “how was your day”

She talked and talked and talked. Before if I asked about her day she would say back “fine”. That’s it.

So about the nudge. I wasn’t talking like heavy R stuff. Just something to let her know I still want her and want to work on it

Should I still have my wedding ring on?



And please stop with the analogies (respectfully and politely). I don’t get them. They are just jibberish to me. I’m sorry

[SteveLW]

Ok. The friend zone bit. Totally lost me. Like speaking Greek. I have no idea how to get out

To the other bit. She talked my ear off and I listened and validated and looked her in the eyes and kept an
Open body posture. All because I said is “how was your day”

She talked and talked and talked. Before if I asked about her day she would say back “fine”. That’s it.

So about the nudge. I wasn’t talking like heavy R stuff. Just something to let her know I still want her and want to work on it

Should I still have my wedding ring on?

FZ "bit" in short:

You get decide whether you are in the Friend Zone, or out of the marriage. That's it.

She gets to decide if the marriage continues or ends.

So if your friend zone question was "How do I get out of the FZ, and keep my marriage?" The answer is you don't, because the second one is not up to you.

Read my post above again. Notice, my ex-gf FZ'd me. I stayed there for years until I finally said "Enough waiting" and I ended being in the FZ. It ended our relationship.