Feeling better about the mobile phone....evil grin.
I don't even like having a mobile. I have a land-line and I'm happy to use it. When I'm driving or out in town I don't answer anyway so this simplifies my life a lot. If I have an emergency when I travel, etc. I'll have to go old school and ask someone to call 911 for me like we did in olden times.
The person that texts me the most is H so if he wants me off of his plan, he can go for it. lol He will no longer be able to ask me about the rainfall or check to see where I am when I'm not here.
I will be less available to him, and it will be his own doing. I know this guy. He doesn't realize how much that will irk him. This might be a blessing in disguise - for me.
I had to take a pause from thinking about it like another nail in the coffin. The horse is well and truly dead. Doesn't matter how many more nails get driven in at this point. (so hard to bring myself around sometimes!! The M is dead. This is just a new way that H is reinforcing his separateness, he doesn't even live here, so this is more of the same behavior. Stop being surprised at what he will do. ugh)
Still hurts that he's such a dingle hopper, but these are his choices and I'm doing my best with the painful part of all this. Not as bad as it was previously when it would give me sad stomach and I couldn't eat for days, so I'm thankful for that.
Focusing on the kids getting here next week!! I'm flying up and driving back down with them. I'm so excited I could burst.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Yessss love this post. You're absolutely right that H hasn't realized this will only hurt him, and not touch you at all. I fully support you just letting this go/happen without comment.
"doing my best with the painful part" is a pretty apt description. I might use it. It acknowledges both the pain and the work to push past it. I like it.
97Hope - you're doing so well. Dingle hopper had me laughing right out loud!!!
I'm trying not to push past my pain - given that all my techniques for resolving it or avoiding it are unhealthy. When I made decisions based on getting out of pain, they're never good ones. Instead, I am trying just to sit with it and wait for it to pass. Maybe they are growing pains and time will take them away. I know I'm a better, more thoughtful, more self-reliant person as a result of this separation. Perhaps even in time I will learn to be grateful for it, because it's helped me tackle and resolve a lot of stuff I was using another person and a relationship to medicate. I don't know yet.
Saw the email where he wants to proceed with D. Allowing it to wash over me. This is not a surprise. I am in a great deal of pain. Have an IC appt on Tuesday. Meeting with L tomorrow first thing.
I know I will be ok. God has been faithful to me, even if my H hasn't. I pray for him. I know he will wake up one day with deep regret, as someone who has loved him for 23 years, I wish he wouldn't do it to himself, but I know that now it's time to completely let go. Maybe should have done that a long time ago but I'm in such a better place than I was 2 years ago and wouldn't trade that time for anything. I did what I knew to be right, fair and kind. I did what I would have wanted him to do, what I wanted him to do - when I was struggling with depression.
I'm ok with how I've walked through the last 2 years. My faith is strong. I'm not excited about my future but I will get there.
If you pray, please pray for my family. All of us. As I look ahead I am reminded of all the stories I have been reading here and when reconciliation wasn't possible, the DBers were in a much better place.
I'm not saying goodbye, I'll still need you guys, and hope to help others here, just wanted to say THANK YOU for walking through this with me.
My CAGD people, stay strong and I'm about to shred it. lol I no longer have a choice. Big hugs to everyone hurting today.
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Alison, you get stronger every day. You also look for ways to help others here (and I'm sure where you live). I'm with you, I don't push past the pain, I've learned that I have to go right through the (censored).
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Hope - just stopping by to let you know I appreciate your words of advice and support in my own sitch. I just found your sitch now, and will read and catch up. I'll stop by again later when I am caught up. I will keep your family in my prayers.
oh 97Hope - that is hard. I know you will take care of yourself and seek the support that you need and continue to care for your children and your friends, all the way through this. I know you'll be dignified and calm and kind.
But if in the midst of all that, you need to take your tractor out and do some damage to a heap of soil, well, I think that would probably be okay.
I hope your meeting with the L went well. Make sure you are putting your own needs first. Your H will sink or swim on his own and you don't need to take care of him emotionally or financially.
(((97HOPE))). So sorry Hope... I remember the day my STBXH handed me a legal separation agreement. It made it very real very fast. I agree with you. I think he will wake up one day with regret. You can’t think about that though. You need to put yourself first now and make sure you get a fair settlement in your D. Keep reading the other sitchs...it will help. If you had asked me how I would be doing seven months after getting those papers, I would never have guessed that I would be doing this well. Stay the course. Count your blessings. KNOW that you will get through this and you WILL heal from it and be a better person because of it. And you WILL be happy again. Sending you lots of positive energy and long distance (((HUGS))).
97 you conduct yourself with such grace and compassion. I'm glad to hear you're allowing yourself to feel the pain. I hope this wave is a brief one, but we don't really have as much control on that as we'd like.
Your sentence, "This is not a surprise" struck me. So many times I have calmed myself by reminding my heart that nothing has changed - this has been proceeding for a very long time. The information is not new, it just is awful to have these solid reminders whenever a concrete step is taken. You/I made it through the past ___ months and you/I will make it through the next ___months.
These steps forward are both gut-wrenching (I had a friend call divorce "excrutiating". Yep. That's the word) but also weirdly necessary. I don't want to remain stuck or playing a waiting game, and I don't think you do either. There is Standing and then there is Standing Still. There is too much beauty in this world to allow ourselves to Stand Still.
You don't have to force yourself to be excited about your future yet. But I do hope you can find one tiny thing that you allow yourself to be excited about. Maybe it's a new pet friend. Or a trip. Or just something you've really been wanting to do/buy/experience for a long long time. But I hope you push yourself to feel excitement over it, and allow yourself that feeling of anticipation and hope.
