R2C I have not read those books I definitely need to. I usually have bad stuff to talk about. I want to say I got off of one of my AD. It’s been 4 days and been doing prett good.
I realize the m is a complete lost cause. I literally get blamed for everything. I took the kids in the pool the other day. She was out for the day. So I figured the nice thing to do was to clean the filter out. So yesterday I get a text from w it says did you clean the pool filter the other day? I said yes. Her response: you put the lid on too right now it’s hard for me to take it off. No thank you just cold.
I was rereading Sandi’s post the other day about the ww. And one of the things she says is how they become cold and selfish. Man did she hit the nail on the head!!! I picked the kids up the other day from the house. I took them to get these kits how to make bracelets. They were doing that for a little while and then I had plans to take them out. I will say it was my mistake, I didn’t have them clean it all up before we left. Sure enough when I bring them back to drop them off, she brought up what a mess the table was, I apologized had the kids clean it up right away. But then she went on to say how the whole kitchen is a mess and it wasn’t that way before she left. I am going to have to take pictures when I go over. The kitchen was already a mess when I showed up but wants to blame it on me. Usually in the past I would have toook it to heart. I just validated that it must be frustrating when things are a mess. And then walked out of the room. She is trying to manipulate me into feeling bad and then cleaning up her mess. Not happening anymore. Just amazing how there is not ansingle thing in her mind I can do right.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
No matter what we do, it is not good enough. Who cares? Let her have her story. Her opinions. Is it worth your energy to argue?
W:"The plates have to face the left, not the right." H:"OK" W:"The black plates can't be washed at the same time as the white ones" H:"OK"
At some point, we just let her load the dishwasher.....
W:"Why are all the plates in the sink??" H:"I am confused on how to load the dishwasher. I don't want to mess your system up" Wink Smile kiss walk away W:"Bla bla bla bla"
Last edited by Ready2Change; 07/19/1907:03 PM.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Why is it they now blame us for everything? Is it to justify their actions? Why and how does a person become so focused only on the negative? Why am I always painted as a bad guy?
R2C it is not worth my time, you are right. But that doesn’t mean at times it doesn’t bother me. She use to be a person who saw so much good I did and praised me, now she has done a 180.
Journaling: This whole d has really left a big deep scar in my heart. No one will be able to see it but I will always feel it. It makes me scared will I ever be able to trust again. I gave this woman my life, my all and I wasn’t enough. I can’t help now that I am scared for the next serious relationship. How do I know? I know I won’t know. I just can’t ever image having to go through this again.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
I have a question for everyone and I am so torn. We did a family counseling session a week ago. One of the things that came up in the session is how afraid my d is when I raise my voice at her when she is not listening. That I really scare her when I do that. The counselor asked for me not to raise my voice like that but to sleep to her when she is not listening or behaving. And to let my d know if she doesn’t listen there will be consequences. So 2 days ago I was going to take my kids to an outside movie. You bring chairs and blankets and food. When I told my s and d we were going my s said ok let’s go my d said she wasn’t going. Now she is only 12 and I would have normally left her alone but the place was far and the movie was 2 hours. So she would have been alone for about 4-5 hours. She kept saying she wasn’t going I can’t make her go. This carried on, I had to take her cell phone away. Then my w got involved and started screaming at her that she has to go with me. Then my w said aren’t you going to yell at her, I said the therapist doesn’t want me yelling at her anymore. So she got annoyed because I was just trying to talk to my d. So what do I do? Go against the therapist who says I shouldn’t be yelling at my d or yell at my d to get her to listen. Life should not be this hard. I am so emotionally drained. Like going through d is not hard enough now I have to deal with and who never wants to be with me. I’m tired of people telling me that she is just a kid, that it’s hard for her, she will be emotional. That doesn’t make what she is doing less hurtful. I know many of you won’t believe this but my d is a big contributing factor to my d. Because after that whole incident who was my w mad at, yep me. My s is so good and understanding. This is a big reason I go into these bad depression holes. I’m losing my house, my d wants no part of me, my w is d me. Everything and everyone I loved is rejecting me or gone. Except my s. If it wasn’t for him I would be much worse off.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
To answer your question, no, you should not yell at your daughter.
Are you in IC? You need counseling to help you process your feelings about your daughter. I know it’s hurtful, but you need to be the grownup in your relationship with her, and that means doing the right thing even if you are hurt. The comparison to your son, the blaming her (at least in part) for the divorce are not good, and I am sure she senses that.
Since you can anticipate that situations like this will arise, I would prepare by arranging for a babysitter for her the next time. You don’t want her dictating what you and S get to do, but it’s also unproductive to try to force her to go.
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
I want to say I got off of one of my AD. It’s been 4 days and been doing prett good.
Is this under a doctor's guidance or just on your own? It is very dangerous to stop taking AD's cold turkey. You have to slowly reduce the dosage over a safe period of time.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
