I just don’t know if I could handle her physically cheating. If you go that far.....
I’m not focused on her. I’m just trying to brace myself. I know it’s gonna hurt if it happens I actually don’t think she has PA yet. I hope she doesn’t. It’s pissibke she hasn’t EA. But I think she is. I caught a glimpse of the person she was chatting with. I do not believe he is mire than a friend
I went to pool again today. This time I just focused on having a good time with S. Talked to a friend about the Chiefs And didn’t pay much attention to her. It was hard. But I did it
I never learned to swim. There is no water in Sw Kansas and my parents were to busy on the farm to teach me.
I'm learning to play guitar. Just bought one, got and app, and ran with it. I really enjoy it. And i can disappear in my room and avoid. And she can hear my fun. And then I just go out after for a drive or go to gym. Reconnecting with myself. Next month i extend a business trip to see an old friend. Now i have something to look forward to.
So yeah, I face my fear and just do it. Think of that Seinfeld episode the opposite. Watch it for inspiration.
Josh T that’s awesome. Don’t give up when your fingers get sore. Play till you have calluses!
I caught a glance of who she was msging late last night. It was a girlfriend of hers. So maybe it’s not as bad as I thought. I just want to be over this nonsense. I hate it.
I still can’t imagine not getting her back
It’s so hard to focus on work. I’m just so heartbroken. I’ve never been heartbroken before. I’ve had friends give me that there is other fish in the sea stuff. I hate hearing it.
Can you ever trust a woman again after this?
My grandpa couldn’t. He’s been single for 65 years
Oz I hate to burst your bubble but our instincts are usually correct, especially when you have been with someone this long. You know something is different and if you suspect that strongly that something is going on it probably is.
Did you see the actual text or just the contact? My WW changed OMs name in her contacts multiple times...the best was changing it to a girl's name to throw me off.
As far as the trust thing....this is my second go round in 11 years....can I ever trust her again? Unfortunately not fully after 2xs but my decision to stay is my decision. I found myself in the time while she was wayward......and I don't look at it as I won her back....I look at it as I won myself back....I like who I am again and I think that is what brought her back.
We have a different relationship so far...yeah a bit weird at times but again this is what I chose. Some people can't handle a WW and walk away. I think if I would have done that from the start I would still be the old me trying to move on...I like the new me and whatever happens in the future I can deal with now.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I don’t know Steve. I really don’t. Is not caring if she is messing around and sticking my head in the sand alpha or beta. I don’t get it
Instincts tell me an alpha would get to the bottom of it. If she is then kick her to the curb, D her then move on. Problem is I don’t want to do that
I want her to come to her senses before she does permanently wreck our M. I’m still not sure there is anything going on. Im just really suspicious
And if she did PA. and decided to come back. Could I ever sleep with her again. Every time we tried all I would be able to think about is OM on top of her.
That thought makes me want to throw up
This wedding tomorrow night. I wish there is some way I could stop it. It’s like watching a car crash about to happen but your paralyzed to stop it
Guys I’m really suffering here. Like really bad. I’m hiding out at work.
I feel terrible because I DO think a PA is a deal breaker. And I think it’s about to happen. I I just want so badly to stop it
This if she does. I’m done. But I don’t want to be
Think ahead.....if you go to the wedding and get the proof you need. Then what? Do you stick your head in the sand and ignore? Do you take aggressive action and do what any self respecting man would do? If you dont go then what? Do you continue with the cat and mouse games, wondering, looking over her shoulder, etc. continuing to rake yourself over the emotional coals? Do you stop snooping, start to work on detaching, work on yourself, get a life, and leave her to her own mess? What's your plan?
Ok I'll answer. It is beta behavior. No an alpha wouldn't even be in this situation. If you had been an alpha before all of this you wouldn't be in this situation.
We have taught you DB principles since you first posted. Put those into action.
Get a babysitter Saturday night and go out, on your own! Avoid the casino. No good can come from you showing upp there.
I am guessing this (your previous post) is how the pre-BD ozman handled crisises. By hand wringing, and worrying. You know how much worrying has ever helped in a tough situation? SQUAT. That how much. So stop being a worrier and start focusing on how ozman can become AMOFWL. 180 on this beta behavior and go become that alpha.
I'd like for you to explain to me how, the above post, shows that you are working on detachment. I see a lot of maybes...what ifs......etc. If you are going to move forward, whether there is an EA or a PA, you need to stop focusing on her behavior. Do you know how much of her behavior you can control? ZERO NONE NADA ZIP So stop trying.
"This wedding tomorrow night. I wish there is some way I could stop it. It’s like watching a car crash about to happen but your paralyzed to stop it"
Yep it is like that because you have ZERO CONTROL. Even if you showed up at the wedding, and stopped it. Do you think you would prevent a PA? Do you know what lengths cheaters go to in order to cheat? And trust me, if they are going to cheat, then they may already have!! 13 years ago a best friend couple of ours started having trouble. The W started cheating on the H. When it all came out the W was meeting with her coworker and cheating ON THE WAY TO WORK. AT LUNCH. ON THE WAY HOME FROM WORK. They took vacation time and told their spouses they were going on business trips, which were really personal vacation trips together. If it is going to happen there is NOTHING you can do. NOTHING.
But none of that matters. The truth will come out. The truth always comes out. But I can tell you oz you have a lot of work to do to prepare for the truth. Because right now if the truth came out that she was in an EA and/or a PA, I fear it would destroy you. And that isn't AMOFWL.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
When you have a choice to make, take time to evaluate all the options. The pro's the con's. Decide what makes sense to you and make a decision. Live with the consequence of that decision. Rinse and repeat.
If you always go left, change it up and go right for a while. Then work on going straight for a while. Learn to change direction as needed without going fully left or right as the sitch changes.
Do this in all areas of your life. Sometimes I need to shut up and just listen and validate. Other times, I need to ask the other person to not talk and just listen to me. Most of the time it is someplace in the middle.
There are 1000 shades of gray between black and while. Don't always be black or white, but learn to be both and several shades of grey.
You can go to the wedding. You can go play darts. And there are hundreds of options in between such as hire a PI to figure out details or have a friend gather some intel.
