But the parts I don't enjoy are awful: missing my kids. the financial strain. And maybe the one that is hardest to admit here: not feeling loved. On that last one I have made huge progress, but trying to "work things out" with somebody who feels no love for me is really really taxing. It is a fundamental human psychological need to feel loved. That is what we all struggle with.
Yes this is certainly a difficult thing to deal with. If you weren't in limbo, and finished your D, which of these things would change? Which of them can you change?
Originally Posted by unchien
Originally Posted by LB55
I realized the only reason i wanted to push it was to try and get a reaction from her to wake her up. I'm not ready to just go push it through because i still believe we can have MR2.0. She has literally done nothing to move forward with D. I struggle with the concept of just pushing it through, probably because it isn't what I want.
LB - What I am struggling with is that, more often than not, lately I feel like D is what I want.
I question myself though: Is this just my hurt feelings lashing out?
I am going to remind you that today's feelings won't be tomorrow's feelings for a while yet. By your timeline I am 6 months ahead of you. 4 Months ago I had my lawyer all geared up to just push it through. Then a couple days later I decided to back off. Waste of time and money until I am absolutely ready to do that.
I was and still am quite hurt; and I am quite certain that my desire to push the D through was me lashing out and trying to get her to see that I am willing to do just what she wants. Like in a 'I told you and look what you made happen' kind of a way. Not the best way to handle it. So until you know for sure and are not willing to just stop and change your mind if she said 'hey lets have dinner and talk', exist in limbo, work on yourself, make your kid days the best they can be, and take the time to figure out what you want.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Yes this is certainly a difficult thing to deal with. If you weren't in limbo, and finished your D, which of these things would change? Which of them can you change?
The financial strain would still be there, but likely not as bad as now.
Missing my kids will always be there, not much I can do.
Not feeling loved and supported is the hardest... I have my kids, and a couple close friends. My family of origin is a mess. I have probably mentioned before I am currently estranged from my parents - it is a long story, but fundamentally estranged or not they are not emotionally supportive people. Most of my friends are mutual friends with my W. And/or they have kids and their own busy lives. I was close to some of my W's family, and that tie is severed now.
I realize my small circle of support is my own doing. I put so little effort into relationships outside of my MR.
I spend a lot of my free time alone now. I'm really good at alone time. I have a lot of alone hobbies. I go to the gym, I play basketball, I hang out with my couple close friends when possible. I felt lonelier during the pre-BD months than I do now. But it's still lonely.
So I feel like creating new friendships, meeting new people, being more social. Long-term I'd like to have a loving, supportive partner. I can't change that now.
Originally Posted by LB55
I am going to remind you that today's feelings won't be tomorrow's feelings for a while yet. By your timeline I am 6 months ahead of you. 4 Months ago I had my lawyer all geared up to just push it through. Then a couple days later I decided to back off. Waste of time and money until I am absolutely ready to do that.
I was and still am quite hurt; and I am quite certain that my desire to push the D through was me lashing out and trying to get her to see that I am willing to do just what she wants. Like in a 'I told you and look what you made happen' kind of a way. Not the best way to handle it. So until you know for sure and are not willing to just stop and change your mind if she said 'hey lets have dinner and talk', exist in limbo, work on yourself, make your kid days the best they can be, and take the time to figure out what you want.
I really appreciate your feedback here because I think you understand what I am going through with the safety concerns my W repeatedly brings up.
To be honest, I am really hurt. What has happened with my W surrounding the child safety concerns has really scarred me. Writing that "parenting plan" 4 weeks ago to avoid going to court in order to have overnight with the kids -- I don't know if I will be able to get over it to the point where we could reconcile. Repeatedly talking about child safety keeps opening up the wound.
To be honest, I am really hurt. What has happened with my W surrounding the child safety concerns has really scarred me. Writing that "parenting plan" 4 weeks ago to avoid going to court in order to have overnight with the kids -- I don't know if I will be able to get over it to the point where we could reconcile. Repeatedly talking about child safety keeps opening up the wound.
I hope you are addressing this in your IC sessions?
