Oh yeah, I wouldn’t pull her out of middle school. She’s got 2 more years to go, if anything, high school. It really is complicated, and I guess there is no reason to discuss.
He’s committed 100%. I am committed 100% he shows me by this inclusion in his family. He was the one who explained bonus mom to his son in reference to me sort of. He always kept in touch, brought me back some goodies and for D11. I think he has a hard time doing the balancing act. He is type A when it comes to his commitments. I love that he has hobbies he loves to do. I love he tries to include me when he can. And we have stuff we love to do together. Things are good. His attitude just changes from time to time. But I’m sure that has more with what’s going on in his head and life that doesn’t involve me.
I just have been letting myself go and I can’t do that anymore
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The god’s honest truth is I know what I want, but the complications of it make it seem almost impossible. I just bought a house. I want to stay in this town for D11’s school. I am pretty sure M wants to stay in his town and buy his moms house which is really nice. Do I take my child out of her school? I don’t know. I mean, it’s the town over, a great system, just not her current friends. But I do think we really need to talk about it. I know we will be a slow go. And I’m fine with that, there is no much to logistically workout.
I totally understand this. When my XH and I married, I owned my own home that I bought and paid for myself and I ended up giving that up and selling it because of the girls being in school and not wanting to move them, so it was a bit of a logistical nightmare. When he and I divorced, my main goal in life was to find a job in or near my hometown so I could finally move home. It took me 2 years after our divorce to do it, but I FINALLY, for the first time in my adult life got to move to within 10 minutes of my hometown and my family. Now, Sparky and I are having this same discussion because I don't want to move again, but in our situation, where we have to deal with his mom, the most logical and economic decision is for us to live in his house, which is 1) already paid for and 2) near his mom's so she can continue to live in her own house and not have to live WITH us. Him moving to where I live would mean her having to live in the same house with us because she has very little income and we could not afford to sustain 2 complete households. I love Sparky and want to be married, but a part of me is not overjoyed that I have to move away from my family. Granted, I will still be closer to them than I was for years (only about 35-40 minutes away vs. the nearly 2 hours that I was away before), but still......................
I agree with what kml said above. I think it is too soon to start having these conversations just yet about where you will live and the like. Our school systems are a bit different here in that most kids stay in the same school district for their entire school year (different buildings, but same school system). Like in the town I currently live in, which has a large school system, there are 2 primary schools (k-2) which feed into 2 elementaries (3-4). Those 2 elementaries feed into one middle school (5-6), one junior high (7-9) and one high school (10-12). So, maybe in your case, when D11 goes to high school IS the right transition time, but that is still a few years down the road.
I say this all the time, but you and I are so much alike. I crave that affirmation and sometimes I over-analyze things when I'm not getting it. It is something I have had to come to terms with all of that where Sparky is concerned because I think, from reading the things you say, M and Sparky have some similarities. Sparky is not at all touchy feely (though he has said before that he is...uh no!). I'm very touchy feely. We do get time together on weekends, but we rarely see each other during the week and it is not so much about Sparky's need to be alone as it is just about how our schedules are and our jobs and where we live in relation to each other. I say all that to say this: I understand your need for affirmation and your thought process in wanting to talk about these things, but at the same time, I worry that it might still be too early for that to occur just yet. I wonder if it might not scare him a bit and possibly cause him to pull back a little which would really mess with your head, even if you knew he still loved you and sees a future. I don't know if any of that makes sense, but the long and short of it is that he seems like a great guy and y'all love each other and right now, at least, you are happy where you are physically (he in his house, you in yours), so why muddy the waters when you don't have to?
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
G - The reason why I said that I could understand your desire to ask because I do believe you want to get married again. If you asked M tomorrow and he said "no" I have no desire to get married again would you continue to date him knowing and hoping he changes his mind or would that be a dealer breaker to you?
Do you feel it would cause you to cut bait because you both don't want the same things? Would it make you feel like you are wasting your time?
My Grandma met a guy and they did that. He lived the next street over and they would get together a couple of times a week for fun and companionship. It ended however according to her he was ladies man! Bahaaaaa
My neighbors mom is essentially doing the same thing as well. She has a male "friend" that they get together and do things together, take trips, etc. but they each have their own houses.
