Living, I was recommended to read your sich by ready2change.
I have read every post, every comment and over the last few hours, I have cried for you, and for myself.
You have been amazingly strong, even when you veered from the db path, but my God emotions are strong and powerful aren't they.
I am on this path and have so much to learn, to let go. You have been and still are an amazingly brilliant women, who is walking her own path with her head held high. Maybe one day I can be standing in your shoes.
Keep going forward, you deserve peace and light in your life x
Living, I was recommended to read your sich by ready2change.
I have read every post, every comment and over the last few hours, I have cried for you, and for myself.
You have been amazingly strong, even when you veered from the db path, but my God emotions are strong and powerful aren't they.
I am on this path and have so much to learn, to let go. You have been and still are an amazingly brilliant women, who is walking her own path with her head held high. Maybe one day I can be standing in your shoes.
Keep going forward, you deserve peace and light in your life x
SoloUk, thank you so much for the kind words. I’m glad that reading my thread is helping you. Sending you lots of hugs. Know this...this stuff takes time. That was a tough pill to swallow for an impatient person like myself. However there is no way to rush it. Try to take things one day at a time. You’re going to fall, dust yourself off and get back up. You’re going to make mistakes, be kind to yourself.
I think I’ve broke all the DB rules at least once. Lol! I can totally admit it. However what I will tell you is DB techniques really do work.
This isn’t an easy road to walk. However, we most have faith that we will come out of this stronger than we were when we started this journey.
Please know that I still slip up. There are times when I still let my H upset me. I’m better at controlling the need to react. I’m learning that not every action deserves a reaction. One thing is for sure, I’m no longer trying to save my marriage. I still have a small ounce of hope that maybe things will workout but I’m done doing all the work. If my H decides he wants to leave, I won’t stand in his way. Heck I may even hold the door for him on his way out. Lol!
Take time for yourself. Self-care is essential during this journey. And again, just know healing takes time. This too shall pass.
Sending you encouragement and love. You’ve got this, just keep the faith!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
It’s been a couple of months since my last update.
Me:
I’ve continued to work on me. I’m in such a better place emotionally and mentally. Thank God. My main focus right now is becoming totally financially independent of my spouse. I rarely call him a husband anymore. I want to be able to have the life I dreamed of even without him. So I’ve been working my part-time jobs and grinding my business in my free time. I believe the tide is turning. God has put a sense of peace in me that things for me will be ok.
I wake up each day ready to conquer the day. I try to keep my mind positive as well. I’ve found myself smiling more than I have in over a year. God is good!
I still have to work on my weight loss and working out. It’s been a struggle finding the time to workout. My sweet tooth is still a little out of hand as well. Lol!
My Spouse:
Has accepted a position on an opposite coast (yep a whole different state). I’m not standing in his way. He wanted to get away so bad that he’s taking a job for less pay then he makes right now. He’s whined to me that he’s probably going to have to get a part-time job on top of his full-time one just to maintain.
He will be leaving in a couple of months.
He says he doesn’t want a divorce right now. That he wants to go see if living apart helps him figure out if it was the marriage or something else.
I told him don’t count on me to be here waiting on him with open arms if he comes back. He believes he has a chance. That ego...I digress.
Other than that he’s still playing his little game of pursuit daily. It’s unattractive and I ignore him. He still begs for sex daily. I’m no longer sleeping with him and haven’t in a few months. I have no desire or intention on being intimate with him. I’m more focused on myself and my children.
Anyway, I wanted to give a little update. I’m doing well and thank God that I’ve reached this place mentally. I still have work to do but I’m not where I was when I came on this forum. I’m much stronger now. I high five myself daily!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
You don't have to just high-five yourself (although I approve whole-heartedly). I'll internet-high-five you!
You're doing awesome, Living.
I'm glad you're letting him go across country and you're being clear that you are not just waiting for him. I had to let my spouse move too. I had to let go and move on. No matter what your decisions are, I will say that it gets easier when there are no daily reminders of what is/isn't in your life.
You get to decide now on the D. Your H said he doesn't want one right now and that's his stance. What's yours?
Begging for sex? Eww. Sorry, don't intend to be mean to your H. That's something only you get to do But from my perspective, no that's not attractive.
I'm sure there are ups and downs you didn't highlight here, and I just want to acknowledge that you're likely feeling them and that we understand. But this is a great update, and I'm so glad you're feeling independent and strong.
What else aside from work and financial independence is on the horizon for you? Anything new and exciting you get to explore?
Thank you for the high fives and encouragement. It has taken me a while to get to this place. Yay!!!!
I believe that you’re right when you say that when he leaves, things will get a little easier.
As for what else is on the horizon for me, traveling. As soon as I get my finances together a little better, I want to travel more. Even if it’s a quick trip a few hours away, I just want to enjoy life and see beautiful places.
Other than that, I’m going to continue working on myself and working on the empire I’m building. I predict that I’ll be financially secure in 2 years. I’m claiming that!
Thanks again! I truly appreciate it.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
Way to go Living!!! High five from me too!! Things will definitely get easier after he leaves. I barely think of my STBXH anymore and when I do, it’s just a blip in my day. I have the thought and then quickly move on. Building an empire is a fantastic way to keep moving forward. Sending you lots of positive energy and luck!!! (((HUGS)))
Thank you for the high five and kind words dejaVu6!
LH19, I have no doubt about it!
Thanks all.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
I can barely stand the sight of my husband. At the same time, I still have love for him.
For the past...I would say...2 weeks or so, some days I wake up mad at myself. Mad that I still have love for a man who by all intents and purposes...doesn’t deserve my unconditional love.
I think to myself, how in the heck is it possible that I could still love a man that has done all the things that he’s done to me.
Some days I wish I could just curse him out and tell him how I really feel. For the past 8 months, I’ve had to hold in many of the things I’d love to say to his smug tail. Why, because he’s in MLC and this is all about him and not about me...blah...blah...blah. R talks are not a good idea...and I know this because I’ve made the mistake of having them. So trust me when I say, I know it’s best to keep my mouth shut. It’s best that I save this energy for something better.
However, I’m just being honest here. There are days when I feel like bashing his face in. No worries, I’m not violent and would never do that. However, sometimes I visualize it. Lol!
He’s walking around with his arrogance like he’s on cloud 9. I wish he would have decided that he didn’t want this M before we invested so many years on it.
IMO he’s a quitter, he’s weak, he’s a runner. I know I shouldn’t say those things. But it’s best that I say them here rather than to his face.
Ok guys, sorry for this rant. Today was just one of those days. Thank God these days are few and far between for me now.
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
It’s ok to vent and I can understand you wanting to bash his face in sometimes. I also understand why you still love him.
Once he moves out things will get so much easier for you. In his mind he believes he can have you back whenever he wants. Unfortunately they have a sixth sense on whether you’re still attached or not.
But from my perspective, no that's not attractive.