Great to see an update from you LB55. If fishing was easy they would call it catching.
Good job keeping the wolves (L) at bay.
I don't have much else to say other than that. I feel a kinship with you with some of the antics you have had to deal with and it really helps me to read your story. Keep posting and hang in there.
Been a few weeks, nothing much changed. Kids and I went to the zoo and a football game this weekend. We had a great time, then it’s time for them to go back and it always makes me sad. They tell me about life with mom and it’s miserable. She is on her phone from the moment she gets up until bedtime. She doesn’t nothing with them because she is too busy all the time. D8 told me this weekend “mom is always too busy for us. It really [censored].”
She has been omitting me from all things the kids are involved in and then the kids tell me about them afterwards. I finally called her on it for being a poor co-parent and excluding me. It was quite stern in tone and called her on a few things she’s said recently. Friday I get a text saying she needs me to get out of the truck and talk to her when I pick up the kids. Said she wanted to apologize. I declined as I didn’t feel like talking to her as she would just turn it around on me and blame me for why she isn’t communicating the kids events to me. Today I get a flurry of texts with baseball schedules, school events, my daughter is in a play next month, the school calendar, etc. I had none of that info before. I’m glad to have it so I can plan to go to things now.
Off to bed, another busy work week ahead. I hope this cycle of exhaustion ends when I transfer to a new command next fall. I’ve got to be aging faster than ever before in my life. Burning the candle at both ends trying to hold life together.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
Kids and I went to the zoo and a football game this weekend. We had a great time...
That's awesome, LB - making memories with the kids is what makes it all worthwhile. Glad to hear
Quote
Today I get a flurry of texts with baseball schedules, school events, my daughter is in a play next month, the school calendar, etc. I had none of that info before. I’m glad to have it so I can plan to go to things now.
Boundary set and established - good news!
Originally Posted by LB55
Off to bed, another busy work week ahead. I hope this cycle of exhaustion ends when I transfer to a new command next fall. I’ve got to be aging faster than ever before in my life. Burning the candle at both ends trying to hold life together.
I feel you on the aging thing, one hundred percent. I had to bow out for a week and get away. Now that I'm back I realize how burnt I really was and I get why they tell you to focus on your health.
Good to see an update from you, LB - I really appreciate the insight you've given me, hopefully I can return the favor again one day Take care man
Hey IW, hope you're doing well, I have been trying to get caught up on the various situations but haven't made it to yours yet.
It was quite frustrating to be left out of the kids events; she was choosing to not inform me so she didn't have to deal with me being there. I am just documenting all of this and it will be a nice long list when she finally decides to finish this divorce. All of her poor co-parenting practices will go right into my argument for a 50/50 agreement.
The aging thing has to be a thing. I mean I am 40 this week; I still get carded for beer so I look kind of young. But all this stress and stuff has to take its toll on a person. Not going to get any easier for me for at least a year, maybe two depending on what the military has in store for me.
I'm glad that you've taken something positive from me and my situation, we are all here to help.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
The aging thing has to be a thing. I mean I am 40 this week; I still get carded for beer so I look kind of young. But all this stress and stuff has to take its toll on a person. Not going to get any easier for me for at least a year, maybe two depending on what the military has in store for me.
Eat well, workout, get sleep....take care of yourself. When I went through the D, working out was my outlet. Even when I went for a short cardio session, I could see the difference between going into the workout and coming out of it. When the stress level is so high, every little thing I did made a difference.
Take care of yourself consciously and know that in due time you will be happy again. As they say the dawn is most beautiful after the darkest of nights!
Hey IW, hope you're doing well, I have been trying to get caught up on the various situations but haven't made it to yours yet.
No worries. Not much of note happening in my sit - still IHS, W still communicates very little. She's pulled back from the D and selling house talk, said we are both "going to be here for a while", which was the first inkling of any kind of second thoughts on her part. Mind you this is after 6 months of intense DBing on my part but I'm grateful for the break.
Originally Posted by LB55
It was quite frustrating to be left out of the kids events; she was choosing to not inform me so she didn't have to deal with me being there. I am just documenting all of this and it will be a nice long list when she finally decides to finish this divorce. All of her poor co-parenting practices will go right into my argument for a 50/50 agreement.
I'm sorry you had to go through all that crap, man. But I am glad you know what the kids' schedules will be now.
Its messed up - WASs have zero logic.- I had no clue what was going on w my nephews till my SIL found out my W wasn't telling me. So SIL took initiative, bypassed W, and started informing me directly.
Document for legal reasons but don't forget - leave her to her own mess. I know its difficult not to get pulled in when the kids tell you what's going on - but try to remember that's her drama, not yours.
Originally Posted by LB55
The aging thing has to be a thing. I mean I am 40 this week; I still get carded for beer so I look kind of young. But all this stress and stuff has to take its toll on a person. Not going to get any easier for me for at least a year, maybe two depending on what the military has in store for me.
As a side note - Happy birthday!!
40 was 6 years ago for me - so I get where you're coming from. The military adds years too, I know that from experience. Hopefully your next command is an easier one. West coast even - less stress than the east.
If it helps, know you're not alone. Bags under my eyes and grey hairs are increasing rapidly the past year. Not much we can do about it but try to keep a PMA and know this will be over one day. And know that age is just a number
Originally Posted by LB55
I'm glad that you've taken something positive from me and my situation, we are all here to help.
Thanks - the advice you gave to "let her be happy" changed a lot of the way I view things. Very grateful for that.
If you think you are aging, might I suggest some eye cream and maybe a spa day with your coworkers??!?!
Anyways your update looks good. It [censored] that you don't think giving her a chance to apologize is even worth the time, but you're probably right.
I will give her a chance to apologize eventually. I told her as such. I called her out for her poor behavior and in the 10 minutes I walk from work to my car she decided she wanted to apologize. Her wording was 'when you pick up the kids you need to get out of your truck and listen to my apology'. Quite aggressive for someone looking to apologize in my opinion. I wasn't ready to listen to any apology at that time and told her I wasn't ready to listen but would let her know when I am ready to hear her out.
I need to do a better job of holding her feet to the fire on things and not accepting a cheap and quick apology for something I deem egregious like leaving me out of the kids lives intentionally is a good start in that direction for me.
No eye cream or spa day though...never been to the spa...maybe I should go :-)
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
A couple more weeks down, not much to report. Had the kids this weekend, its our agreement for me to pick them up on Friday and her to pick them up on sunday. For the past two visits she has asked me to drop the kids off, and I told her no she can pick them up according to plan. She did. Tired of hearing how it will be more convenient for me to drop them off. Will keep holding her to that one.
Today is my 13th anniversary. That stinks.
I am fighting myself on writing her a message to say goodbye. I don't want to give her an ultimatum. This needs to move forward though. I understand she is hurting and is indecisive and something happened in October last year to trigger all of this. However I cannot continue to live this way. I wrote a long message last night before bed that said this and that I loved her but she needed to figure things out for herself. I asked if we could set up some time to start working on a settlement agreement. I didn't send the message. I slept well though.
I have enough experience to know that writing messages won't fix anything, so I am coming here to post that and get it off my chest.
Me40; W38; S12; D9 BD11/19/2018 D filed 12/20/18 D Final 7/2020 Being the best example I know how for my kids to see.
