Quick question, tomorrow is our 15 year anniversary. Say nothing and do nothing, correct? It saddens me that I know tomorrow will mean nothing to her. I always tried to go above and beyond on our anniversary. Planning trips, massages, expensive dinners.
Maybe you weren't speaking to her in her love language though. I always tried to find special gifts for my XW for bdays, Xmas and anniversaries. Why? Because that's what I thought she wanted, because it was MY love language so I just assumed it was everyone else's too. But her love language is words of affirmation which I wholly neglected throughout our M. My XW's bday is coming up and I was talking to my D's and asked them what she told them she wanted. A rack to hang tools in her garage and a new garden hose. Gifts are just not her love language, she doesn't care about gifts at all. Your W may very well be the same. So when you say "but I went above and beyond and did this that and the other" it just makes me think you didn't know her or what she wanted. You did what you THOUGHT she wanted. And those are great things, but my point is if you neglected her REAL love language then all the gifts in the world won't make up for it.
Quick question, tomorrow is our 15 year anniversary. Say nothing and do nothing, correct? It saddens me that I know tomorrow will mean nothing to her. I always tried to go above and beyond on our anniversary. Planning trips, massages, expensive dinners.
Maybe you weren't speaking to her in her love language though. I always tried to find special gifts for my XW for bdays, Xmas and anniversaries. Why? Because that's what I thought she wanted, because it was MY love language so I just assumed it was everyone else's too. But her love language is words of affirmation which I wholly neglected throughout our M. My XW's bday is coming up and I was talking to my D's and asked them what she told them she wanted. A rack to hang tools in her garage and a new garden hose. Gifts are just not her love language, she doesn't care about gifts at all. Your W may very well be the same. So when you say "but I went above and beyond and did this that and the other" it just makes me think you didn't know her or what she wanted. You did what you THOUGHT she wanted. And those are great things, but my point is if you neglected her REAL love language then all the gifts in the world won't make up for it.
My wife loved when I got her gifts. She would brag to her friends what I got her. But she didn’t have just one love language. She also wanted me to kiss her hello every time she walked in the door, kiss her good bye every time I left and goodnight. She brings those things up a lot. I get it now, easy fixes but won’t let me fix that. She is gone, she felt unloved and wants her freedom. I’m not saying I never did those things either. Sometimes I ran out to the store quick and she was upstairs, or when she got home I was on the phone doing business and didn’t run down to see her. These are the things she brings up the most why she is d me. There were so many things she would say, we will never be able to afford that. When I heard that I worked hard to get it to her. She said we would never be able to afford a Lexus, I got one for her birthday and she was estatic. She said we will never affords to go to beaches, I surprised her for our anniversary 2 years ago. A Louis Vuitton bag just because I sold 2 homes over a million dollars and made a lot of money so I treated her. I can keep going on. But it was never enough I guess. Her love language was never enough.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
See this is why you will continue to struggle because you refuse to put any effort into your situation. She is ding you because she doesn’t respect you.
All the stuff you regurgitate above is WW bs but of course you’ve been told a million times not to believe what she says you continue to eat it all up.
She also wanted me to kiss her hello every time she walked in the door, kiss her good bye every time I left and goodnight. She brings those things up a lot. I get it now, easy fixes but won’t let me fix that.
I’m not saying I never did those things either.
You probably did these things without thinking about it, a lot of the time. 3 years ago WAW school friends husband died of cancer - very quickly - At that point we both realised how short life was and i decided to tell her "I love you" every single night before i fell asleep - even if she went bed first and was fast asleep, i ALWAYS said it when i put my head on the pillow.. No matter how i felt ( ie when we had disagreements ) i always said it.
I also used to compliment her on her looks - always have...
After BD, she stated on more times than i can remember that i never told her i loved her ????
After our 2nd council session we lay in bed together and i told her how much i loved her and how beautiful she was - her reply -
"aww thats the nicest thing you have said for months - you never tell me i'm beautiful ?????"
i lay there thinking ( this was before i discovered this site, understood the WAW mindset ) what planet are you on.. I tell you all the time ???.. At the time i was really confused by her statement - now i know its the norm with all these WAW.. But they only remember what they want to feel at the time.
Don't let it get to you - Believe nothing that they say..
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Quick question, tomorrow is our 15 year anniversary. Say nothing and do nothing, correct? It saddens me that I know tomorrow will mean nothing to her. I always tried to go above and beyond on our anniversary. Planning trips, massages, expensive dinners.
Maybe you weren't speaking to her in her love language though. I always tried to find special gifts for my XW for bdays, Xmas and anniversaries. Why? Because that's what I thought she wanted, because it was MY love language so I just assumed it was everyone else's too. But her love language is words of affirmation which I wholly neglected throughout our M. My XW's bday is coming up and I was talking to my D's and asked them what she told them she wanted. A rack to hang tools in her garage and a new garden hose. Gifts are just not her love language, she doesn't care about gifts at all. Your W may very well be the same. So when you say "but I went above and beyond and did this that and the other" it just makes me think you didn't know her or what she wanted. You did what you THOUGHT she wanted. And those are great things, but my point is if you neglected her REAL love language then all the gifts in the world won't make up for it.
My wife loved when I got her gifts. She would brag to her friends what I got her. But she didn’t have just one love language. She also wanted me to kiss her hello every time she walked in the door, kiss her good bye every time I left and goodnight. She brings those things up a lot. I get it now, easy fixes but won’t let me fix that. She is gone, she felt unloved and wants her freedom. I’m not saying I never did those things either. Sometimes I ran out to the store quick and she was upstairs, or when she got home I was on the phone doing business and didn’t run down to see her. These are the things she brings up the most why she is d me. There were so many things she would say, we will never be able to afford that. When I heard that I worked hard to get it to her. She said we would never be able to afford a Lexus, I got one for her birthday and she was estatic. She said we will never affords to go to beaches, I surprised her for our anniversary 2 years ago. A Louis Vuitton bag just because I sold 2 homes over a million dollars and made a lot of money so I treated her. I can keep going on. But it was never enough I guess. Her love language was never enough.
So you gave her material things and thought that she should be happy and fulfilled? If this were the case rich guys would never get divorced. However, divorces among the rich are skyhigh? Why? Because a W wants YOU not things.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Quick question, tomorrow is our 15 year anniversary. Say nothing and do nothing, correct? It saddens me that I know tomorrow will mean nothing to her. I always tried to go above and beyond on our anniversary. Planning trips, massages, expensive dinners.
Maybe you weren't speaking to her in her love language though. I always tried to find special gifts for my XW for bdays, Xmas and anniversaries. Why? Because that's what I thought she wanted, because it was MY love language so I just assumed it was everyone else's too. But her love language is words of affirmation which I wholly neglected throughout our M. My XW's bday is coming up and I was talking to my D's and asked them what she told them she wanted. A rack to hang tools in her garage and a new garden hose. Gifts are just not her love language, she doesn't care about gifts at all. Your W may very well be the same. So when you say "but I went above and beyond and did this that and the other" it just makes me think you didn't know her or what she wanted. You did what you THOUGHT she wanted. And those are great things, but my point is if you neglected her REAL love language then all the gifts in the world won't make up for it.
My wife loved when I got her gifts. She would brag to her friends what I got her. But she didn’t have just one love language. She also wanted me to kiss her hello every time she walked in the door, kiss her good bye every time I left and goodnight. She brings those things up a lot. I get it now, easy fixes but won’t let me fix that. She is gone, she felt unloved and wants her freedom. I’m not saying I never did those things either. Sometimes I ran out to the store quick and she was upstairs, or when she got home I was on the phone doing business and didn’t run down to see her. These are the things she brings up the most why she is d me. There were so many things she would say, we will never be able to afford that. When I heard that I worked hard to get it to her. She said we would never be able to afford a Lexus, I got one for her birthday and she was estatic. She said we will never affords to go to beaches, I surprised her for our anniversary 2 years ago. A Louis Vuitton bag just because I sold 2 homes over a million dollars and made a lot of money so I treated her. I can keep going on. But it was never enough I guess. Her love language was never enough.
So you gave her material things and thought that she should be happy and fulfilled? If this were the case rich guys would never get divorced. However, divorces among the rich are skyhigh? Why? Because a W wants YOU not things.
I totally get that now. I will not make the same mistake again. Whether it’s with her or someone else.
Originally Posted by LH19
W, See this is why you will continue to struggle because you refuse to put any effort into your situation. She is ding you because she doesn’t respect you. All the stuff you regurgitate above is WW bs but of course you’ve been told a million times not to believe what she says you continue to eat it all up.
I just tried to give her everything she wanted. I dropped the ball. What does me getting things she wanted have to do with respect? That stuff I ate up was before we were in this situation. I’m confused?
MrBsbride I use to tell my w all the time how beautiful she was. How amazing she looked in outfits but of course just like you she doesn’t remember any of that.
Originally Posted by TBSakaJ9
Sounds to me like you put her on a pedestal. That's one way to kill the attraction................
I tried to take care of her. Most women I think would have loved that. I realize I just needed to be there for her more. More I love yous and the kisses.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
