Journal - Am about one week in on the LRT. I am making a lot of great detachment gains. I do have thoughts sneaking in wondering about when she will go out of town again and what she will be doing; I have been quick to squash these feelings.
A lady messaged me yesterday in a Meetup group and we spent about 3 hours on the phone talking last night. She is 12 months into her divorce and had a lot of really useful information. She lives about an hour from me and we are planning to grab dinner tomorrow night. I've been 100% transparent with my sitch at home to her too.
My ex texted me last night about some of his improvements in sports last evening. I replied how proud I am of him. She asked about out dog, to which I replied that we just finished running 3 miles. This morning, she sent a text stating she saw I heartfelt social media post I put on FB regarding my Dad and how much she enjoyed it. Replied back: Thank you.
The version of me a few weeks back would have taken the lukewarm txts as positive signs and would have triggered me to ask about the R. This was the first time I played it cool and just validated her statements.
I still have some feelings for her, but I'm trying to adjust to the fact that she might have her mind set on divorce. I'm just a little confused as to which direction to pursue.
I met a woman while I was in the midst of my situation. She is much younger than I. Shes thoughtful, intelligent and extremely gorgeous.
She went through the same ordeal as I did. Although I truly wasnt looking for a new R, it blossomed quickly into a very nice one. Just make sure that if you decide to spend time with another woman that you arent doing it to fill a void.
There is absolutely a possibility that you could end up in a rebound relationship. Fortunately, my new R is not that. My new GF has a very high level of emotional intelligence and she shows me with actions that she cares. She truly showed me what I was not getting throughout my MR. I personally decided that my exww affair was a dealbreaker and decided to pursue my new GF because I felt it was right and I wasnt going to pass up on the opportunity to be happy with someone wonderful.
No way I was just going to put my happiness on hold just in case my exww decided she didnt want a D. No way I could love someone who treated me so poorly.
But every situation is different. If you want your WW back and want a chance, dont get into a new R. You getting into a new R will almost certainly make sure your WW never comes back.
My new GF really pissed my EXWW off. I get snide ranting texts about weekly referring to "my little 26yo girlfriend " from my exww.
If you still have feelings for your ww dont pursue the other woman. Meaning if you are still romantically in love with your ww.
M:16 T:21 H(me) 38 WW: 38 S11 D16 D19 Red Flags of A: March 2018 ILYBNILWY: August 4, 2018 Moved out of MBR: September 24, 2018 BD/Confirmation of A: October 31, 2018 D Filed: March 27, 2019
I think the validating with the social media posts is a good thing.
What I've learned - and I've only been in this situation for 3 months - is to do everything primarily for YOU. Do all the positive things for yourself. Others will see it. And in time your WW may see it. How they react to those changes is up to them of course; you can't control their thoughts or force them to change their mind.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
I'm still wondering why cheating WW get so angered when they discover a new woman in your life?
Usually a WAS won't get mad although they might get upset. But yes, seems like waywards are another matter. Waywards just have a whole lot of attitude that's usually not the case with a WAS. They feel they've been treated poorly (whether true or not) and that they deserve better, it's kind of an entitlement mentality. And they also believe the LBS, who in their eyes is the cause of every speck of misery in their life; should be repentant, miserable and completely available to them when the whim strikes to toss them a bone. If the LBS starts seeing someone then that's a pretty cold dose of reality for a WW that 1) Plan B might not be there anymore and 2) this worthless POS husband of theirs may actually not be so worthless after all if someone else finds them attractive. ESPECIALLY if that someone else is young and attractive themselves.
Now all of that said, it is most definitely NOT a good idea to get in a relationship just to try to "wake up" a wayward. First, that would be getting into it for the wrong reasons and will just hurt the person that's getting dragged in. Second, the reaction from the wayward is not going to be a positive one. They will get ANGRY but not repentant and not humbled and not in a recon mindset.
It's kind of inevitable that most LBS's will start seeing someone at some point. Personally I think anyone coming out of a long term R should wait at least a year, most of us are not as "ready" to start dating as we think we are before that time and it just introduces a new level of confusion and anxiety into your situation if it's not fully resolved yet. So be very careful. Many LBS's start out saying "she's just a friend" but these things can escalate VERY quickly.
Understood on not starting a relationship just to get a reaction from the ex.
I'm just trying to figure out how much time to give my WW to figure out the situation she created. Other women are starting to see the positive self-changes I've developed over the past months. They feel respected, appreciated and heard. As awesome as it is to see these changes are working, I wish my ex would somehow see them too. We don't talk or interact that much.
I often wonder what she's thinking; if she's relieved, if she's missing me, if she's happier. Currently, I'm just waiting and watching and working on myself. If someone better comes along, I am leaning towards just going for it with the new person. It's a tricky spot to be in with regards to knowing when to stop trying with your WW
I'm just trying to figure out how much time to give my WW to figure out the situation she created.
You don't. You move on with your life. Detach. GAL. You have no idea if her journey will take weeks, months or years. So you go about putting your life together without her. Now I'm not necessarily saying that you have to give up on her and start dating, you can stand as long as you see fit. But you don't know what her timeline is so you have to decide for yourself how long standing is "long enough".
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Other women are starting to see the positive self-changes I've developed over the past months. They feel respected, appreciated and heard. As awesome as it is to see these changes are working, I wish my ex would somehow see them too. We don't talk or interact that much.
Yes it happens. The LBS grows and changes and catches the eye of others. But the WAS refuses to see any good in them. Eventually she probably will, but by the time she does you will probably be done with her. Most LBS's can tolerate waiting for a year or so. But most WAS's don't want to recon until 2 or 3 years down the road.
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I often wonder what she's thinking; if she's relieved, if she's missing me, if she's happier.
Probably all of the above.
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If someone better comes along, I am leaning towards just going for it with the new person.
What's "better" though? Your W was the better option at one time, right?
