Here’s what happened yesterday. So I text my d to be ready at 12 that I was picking them up and leaving. I text my w how did the session go with my d’s IC? So she calls me and says are you coming soon to pick up the kids, I said yes have them ready for me when I get there I just want to go. She said can you come in for a minute want to talk to you about your d’s IC, I said can’t you tell me over the phone she said I will tell you when you get here. That was my first mistake I should have said I don’t have time.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Thank you everyone for letting me know I did the right thing. I’m not going to lie I felt bad seeing her do it but I know it’s what I have to do. I will work hard at getting my respect back and not being a doormat. How do I k ow or what’s the difference between not being a nice guy and getting my respect back and just being a jerk?! I guess at this stage of the game for me if it even matters.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Oh and did you see the dog puked in the dining room?
"Yes I wasn't going to say anything because I'm sure you are embarrassed about that. But yes, I nearly stepped in it, you should really get it cleaned up, you wouldn't want to have to clean off my shoes in addition to the puke. "
Then leave with the kids.
OK not exactly validating, but sometimes validation is inappropriate.
W, You have one good moment and already you want to go back into please her mode. Buy and read the book! Why would you feel bad that she has to clean up the dog $hit in her house?
Trust me I am not going into please her mode. I was just saying that I am listening to you guys. Because for a split second I did feel bad, but then thought about everything everyone has been saying and it felt great not to do it. Trust me that feeling was for a split second, that’s it. I will be ordering the book. Look forward to reading it.
Originally Posted by AnotherStander
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Oh and did you see the dog puked in the dining room?
"Yes I wasn't going to say anything because I'm sure you are embarrassed about that. But yes, I nearly stepped in it, you should really get it cleaned up, you wouldn't want to have to clean off my shoes in addition to the puke. " Then leave with the kids. OK not exactly validating, but sometimes validation is inappropriate.
That is funny. Not that I care but she would have got so mad if I said that. I wish I thought of it and I would have.
Today will be a great day meeting up with a bunch of friends with their kids at the winery. They have live music the kids can run around and the adults eat and drink wine. The best is, I told you all how she made plans on my day with the kids and I told her I already had plans with the kids. Well one of th families that she made plans with is now coming out with me. To the average person it wouldn’t be a big deal. But to her I know she is going to be very angry. Don’t care though.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Not to disagree with AS, but I really think you need to limit your words. While AS' response is funny, it is a bit too passive-aggressive for my liking.
Did you see the dog puked? "Yes." I guess I have to clean it up like everything else around here. "Yes, I can understand how that can be frustrating." -blah blah blah- Listen. Validate. Collect your kids. "We've got things to do. Bye."
Last edited by Steve85; 08/09/1912:48 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
So I text my d to be ready at 12 that I was picking them up and leaving. I text my w how did the session go with my d’s IC? So she calls me and says are you coming soon to pick up the kids, I said yes have them ready for me when I get there I just want to go. She said can you come in for a minute want to talk to you about your d’s IC, I said can’t you tell me over the phone she said I will tell you when you get here.
I suggest that from now on you make it a personal rule to not talk to her before picking up the kids, other than texting what time to have the kids standing at the door. If she says she has something to talk about, tell her to email you. I think that's how you need to have discussions after this stunt she's pulled. No matter what she tries, don't have a discussion inside her house! In fact, don't go into the house at all, b/c she does this same manipulative bs every time. If anything needs to be said, it can be through texting or email. If she asks can't you go in the house to talk, plainly tell her "no". Don't make up some excuse of being late, just tell her you aren't going to do that any more. You don't have to give her explanations.
I think a nice guy can get so focused on validating, until he's standing there validating a woman who is disrespecting him. You sounded as if you were siding with her and blaming the kids for not cleaning the puke. She didn't want the kids (at least, not her daughter) to clean it up. The issue is she deliberately planed to dramatically act out her "woe is me" scenario.........AGAIN. This is how she beats you up. She expects you to take care of everything, but the minute you open your mouth to the D......she chops your b@lls off, right in front of your own kids. She is teaching them to disrespect you by displaying her own lack of respect. You should have told the kids to get in the car, walked out without saying another word, and left her....... with the puke!
I am concerned about that little 8 year old boy living there with those two females! He is a copycat of his father, and his sister is copycat of their mother. By the time he's grown, it is frightening to imagine the damage your W and your D will do to him. When you aren't there, he's probably the catchall for whatever they don't want to deal with. I hate to think he will grow up believing that the man's role is catering to some pampered, controlling, woman. Hopefully, his daddy is going to have a positive affect in how he deals with the fairer sex one day.
Last edited by sandi2; 08/11/1907:41 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
