Had a good therapy appointment this week and was diagnosed with Dependent Personality Disorder. Made me fell like rereading the NMMNG book again. Therpist said I was making great progress in my healing!
Ex contacted me yesterday to ask if she needed to let our dog out. She interviewed for a new job too. I wished her the best of luck in getting it.
I let go of someone I was dating because she became really insecure/clingy. Went to a Meetup wine tasting last night and met a bunch of people. I focused on just having a good time and keeping up conversations. Ended up getting invited to one of the attendees birthday parties along with obtaining her phone number.
Still intermittently missing my ex, but I am really proud that I didn't R talk this week and got out and met some people outside of my circle. I'm thinking of getting back into photography soon.
Kids started school this week and are adjusting to getting up early again. The wife has been texting to coordinate schedules with the dog and kids. She was offered additional hours at work and asked if I could start taking care of them/cooking for them every Weds as a result. I agreed and also offered to make her dinners as well. She didn't have a response initially, but later texted gas and groceries were starting to get expensive for her. I am going to start pitching in to help with those expenses.
She definitely seems emotionally detached, more so then myself. I've been doing really well with GAL. I feel like I'm trying to just slowly try to rebuild some kind of attachment; I want to ask non-emotional questions like "how was your day?".
I'm wondering if these kinds of spouses ever initiate a R conversation? I feel like I haven't given up hope yet on her.
Wife and I met up for coffee this morning to talk about the kids schedules. The talks took a detour in talking about past hurts. She said she definitely feels bad that she left her own house. I reminded her this was her decision to separate.She also misses me in terms of financial backing.I told her my paycheck comes with me. She voiced she wants me to be happy, but to keep my dates off of social media pics as our mutual friends started talking about them. We had a really good talk about how she tried to reach out to me a few years ago and how I ignored her; that's when she started checking out of the marriage. I told her I've made a lot of mistakes but I am no longer that person.She then looked at me and said she thought we both tried t fix the relationship at two different points in time with out the others help...
I told her then that I didn't want this separation and I do not want to divorce. I asked her if she'd consider going to get expert help from a MC and she said YES. I was surprised. I told her too I think we should go out sometime and just have fun (like bowling or something). She said she didnt feel comfortable wit that yet but would feel talking together in therapy, as it feels safe to her.
I didn't push further then that. She dropped me off and I gave her a kiss on the check and thanked her for talking. For once, I felt like my marriage wasn't completed dead.
Talked to the ex last week. She is starting to express concern for finding a place to live. I believe I screwed up and told her "just come home. Let's get expert help, but please just come home." Told her to think about it a few days.
We talked about 4 days later and she said she didn't think she could return after everything that's been done. The odd thing is that she still agreed to go to MC, but wouldn't guaruntee any outcome. At this point, I felt doing so would be kind of a waste, but didn't voice my thoughts.
She reiterated she knew I was dating, and that didn't real line up with my desire to reconcile with her. I told her she's not given me any interest **ever** that reconciliation was something she'd entertain! I subsequently asked if she'd like to go for a drink sometime and not talk about us, but just go out and have fun. She declined.
Thinking it's probably just wise to continue not reaching out.
Journaling - Talked to the ex last week. She is starting to express concern for finding a place to live. I believe I screwed up and told her "just come home. Let's get expert help, but please just come home." Told her to think about it a few days.
As long as she knows you are Plan B she will never want to come back. You are her fallback plan, and that is all you will ever be. She will never learn to miss you until you well and truly start detaching and dropping the rope!
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We talked about 4 days later and she said she didn't think she could return after everything that's been done.
Typical WAS script.
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The odd thing is that she still agreed to go to MC, but wouldn't guaruntee any outcome. At this point, I felt doing so would be kind of a waste, but didn't voice my thoughts.
Absolutely a waste of time. Now down the road if she has a change of heart then it would be worthwhile, but not right now.
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Thinking it's probably just wise to continue not reaching out.
What do you mean "continue"? All of the above is the worst kind of pursuit behavior and will just keep setting you back to the starting line. I think you mean START. And yes, you should absolutely start leaving her alone.
I thought you were doing LRT? I posted on page 1 or page 2 the LRT. It's simple. Pursuit hasn't worked yet right?
Are you guys actually divorced already?
I consider it a positive that she is still sniffing around but you have to be GAL and have the self worth to realize that you are worthy of being someone's number 1! Not sulking around hoping she'll come back.Seriously. I bet your tone when you talk to her is not very confident either. Change that! Sit up straight or stand up. Talk loud and clear. Shoulders back, smile. But then be brief.
Do you respond to all of her communications?
It would be wise not to pursue any further.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
We aren't divorced - we will most likely be in June of 2020. I wouldn't say by any means that I am sulking around! I'm finding much of our kids discussions devolve into relationship talks and I am thinking of just coordinating via email to get around that.
Sometimes I look at her while we are talking and I just feel bad about the way things are between us (even though she made them this way). That's when I break down and propose we get some counseling.
I saw her last night while walking the dog and just waved back to her. She stopped for a second to to try to apporach me and I just kept going. Went to my house and closed the garage.
I kept up with LRT for a few weeks but the second she started talking about her feelings, I began talking to mine in excess instead of validating hers. I need to live my life with purpose and make like she never existed. I need to talk to her without showing any emotion and be brief. I am worthy of being someone's #1.
