Quote I went home that night said I realized i've been messed up and want things between us to get better
Did you talk to her about this or this was an internal dialog?
We did have a face to face talking about this
Can you expand on that a bit? Just trying to understand the background as much as I can. Did the two of you discuss MC or anything, and was she open to it or was she already showing signs that she was checked out?
On our first meetup after finding out she was talking with the guy on FB messenger, we talked about working things out. She said she felt neglected and ignored, and that it was nice to get some attention.
We talked about how we were feeling, said she still loved me and both said that we wanted to make our marriage better. She agreed to MC on the spot.
During the next 3-4 weeks we ended up going to 4 MC sessions, changing our councillor halfway through because she wasn't a good fit. Ended up with a great councillor who guided us to talk about our feelings using "I feel" statements. Spent the next couple of weeks reconnecting, talking, doing more together. Talking about how we were feeling. Felt like we were falling in love again.
Then I started to notice her pulling back a bit, not as responsive to texts, affection etc. I talked to her about how she was feeling, and she said she was having a hard time with my 180 in focusing on her and our relationship..It was too intense. Unsure if I could really quit drinking. Felt we were too different, missed her alone time ( worked away before my injury 18 days at a time) She started to cry, had a panic attack and I got the ILYBNILWY. She also said she wanted to just walk away from me, the kids etc. ( which is why I suggested she might be depressed later to her)
I get it now, her confusing emotions and the state she was in...but at the time tried to work even harder at "fixing things" which added more pressure. And fixing her ( not realizing at the time it was me I needed to focus on as I was messed too)
Over the next couple of weeks we were still doing things together as a family, but noticed her with the 1000 yard stare wherever we went. Talked some more and she said she wanted some space, and that she was looking at all types of ways to make that work considering our finances, job situation. She ended up calling her Aunt mid-June, and set it up to stay there for a bit while she figured things out.
Wrote her a letter and gave it to her at my S ballgame ( know now I shouldn't have done) saying how I felt, what I wanted in a relationship, how we could make thing work. And that she could come home with no pressure.
She came back 3 days later. Mid-June to end of July we ended up hangout out more, doing more together. Gave her a ton of space, never asked where she was going. Great sex. She was staying in the travel trailer. Things seemed ok. Distant but ok.
Noticed she was on her phone more and throwing it down beside her when I came into the room, take it into the bathroom for a 10 minute pee, all that stuff. I told her that made me uncomfortable when she did that. Then she hid her usage more. Near the end of June she made a trip to her Dad's for a visit which is rare, I asked her If she was planning on moving out there. She said she did but just in case things dont work out.
Next week I said to her it might be a good idea if she did try staying out there for a while. And thats where we are at today.
I do have to say its been really good for me, Ive been able to dial in my relationship with my kids, and really focus on making changed in myself physically and mentally...without having to "work" on her or us. Didn't realize how much of a mess I was until I had the chance to reflect with this month to myself.
I hope this gives you enough Info, I still feel that I might be missing something, and am kind of a scattered writer. Really appreciate your insight A.S.
She is going to her cousins engagement party this upcoming weekend, she didn't ask me to go..
I assume she is NOT taking your kids either.
You have a million choices. Here is one I like:
1) Take kids someplace fun such as a water park. stay at a nice hotel. Have a blast with your kids.
No she's not taking the kids. ( she is still very disconnected from them) I like that idea! In fact that's the plan for next week! This weekend me and the kids are loading up the bikes and doing an epic Railway trestle bike trip. I will be having a blast with them, I have absolutely upped my game in the dad department. Big time satisfaction from reconnecting with them!
This weekend me and the kids are loading up the bikes and doing an epic Railway trestle bike trip. I will be having a blast with them, I have absolutely upped my game in the dad department. Big time satisfaction from reconnecting with them!
Burn these events into your memory. My kids are S20,S18,D17 SD16 The last 10 years flew by.
This weekend me and the kids are loading up the bikes and doing an epic Railway trestle bike trip. I will be having a blast with them, I have absolutely upped my game in the dad department. Big time satisfaction from reconnecting with them!
Burn these events into your memory. My kids are S20,S18,D17 SD16 The last 10 years flew by.
