It's even better on the second and third times through.
Don't beat yourself about not finding the book earlier. I actually did find it two years ago, when we were in the midst of a dead bedroom. I felt the impact of the words. The lessons sunk in, but not deep enough.
Yes i want to actually relisten to it straightaway!
My therapist recently asked me to go through a list of my significant achievements over the last few years - I realise that I have downplayed them all and actually I should be proud of myself to a degree.
If you have hurt your dear S, remember also that you are not useless or worthless.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Went to the house today as I needed to pick up some post (parcels). Two estate agents came round to value the house too.
They both commented on what a lovely house it was. That made the whole thing worse!
I didn't enjoy them being there, nice as they were. It was horrible actually.
I then did a few things, watered the plants outside, and watched some TV and then some Family Guy on catch-up. Then I left for my parents' house.
I texted my W this evening to say she could put the alarm back on remotely. She asked how it went:
Me - "They valued it at £x. Said it was in fantastic condition. It wasn't nice hearing them talking about selling it though. I then just had some time ot myself in the house, watched some TV, then came back to my parents."
W - "OK, more than we thought. I know, it's not nice thinking about it. I still feel complicated about losing the house. Thanks for doing all that though. Enjoy the sunshine."
Haven't texted back.
[In the UK it's 32 degrees this weekend. My W is on holiday in Portugal where it's the same temperature.]
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Went to the house today as I needed to pick up some post (parcels). Two estate agents came round to value the house too.
They both commented on what a lovely house it was. That made the whole thing worse!
Yep, that's a tough one. Seeing the sign in my yard was a kick to my stomach. Then seeing the ads on social media made it worse. I can say that it gets better and it may be fairly quick. Like stubbing your toe, it hurts a lot and then you almost forget about it 5 min later. Having said that, it's painful, and I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting. [quote=Dan35] I texted my W this evening to say she could put the alarm back on remotely. She asked how it went:
Me - "They valued it at £x. Said it was in fantastic condition. It wasn't nice hearing them talking about selling it though. I then just had some time ot myself in the house, watched some TV, then came back to my parents."
W - "OK, more than we thought. I know, it's not nice thinking about it. I still feel complicated about losing the house. Thanks for doing all that though. Enjoy the sunshine." /quote] I've got to ask, why the extra info? How about this:
Me - "They valued it at £x. Said it was in fantastic condition. It wasn't nice hearing them talking about selling it though. I then just had some time ot myself in the house, watched some TV, then came back to my parents."
W - "OK, more than we thought. I know, it's not nice thinking about it. I still feel complicated about losing the house. Thanks for doing all that though. Enjoy the sunshine." (and then no reply)
I don't recall if you are in IC but the feelings you should save for them and/or trusted friends. That's not your W anymore, she's fired you. Stick with the facts with her, manage your personal matters with real friends, and go out of your way to help your real friends (i.e. those who haven't fired you). This detachment is good for both of you - you become more self-sufficient, build other relationships, and it's good for her, she's getting the space she needs.
M(35), W(35), D(4) M-9, T-12 Bomb Drop (D announcement) - May 3, 2019 W moved out Aug 13 House sold Sept 25 Papers signed Nov 15 Divorce finalized Dec 12
Yes I'm in IC. Had a bit of a break as my therapist is on holiday. A lot has happened since my last session on 25 July!
I'm not sure why I put the extra info in. I thought she might be checking in on me using our alarm camera. She has done that before whilst she was up at her sister's house (She told me). I wanted to just let her know that I was in the house a bit longer. I didn't want to just leave after the estate agents left. I wanted to spend some time in my house so just sat in the lounge reading DR and watching TV.
It's very hard. The whole thing is so rubbish.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Just went for an evening walk with my mum (it's 8pm here in UK). My parents have both been supportive. They have said they're sad and shocked of course but haven't disowned me for what I've done to my W, and are giving words of encouragement.
My mind did wander during the walk and I thought about my W and some of the memories I have of her. Nothing specific, just snapshot memories I have of us laughing ourselves silly, or her just smiling at me because she was happy. I felt a little sad, but then I was able to change the subject and spoke ot my mum about my accounting exams.
My sister and her husband also have been brilliant.
It's so important to surround yourself with family and friends at times like this.
Me - 36, W - 32 No kids T - 8 yr, M - 3 yr Discovery - 14 May 2019 S - 25 May 2019 & D bomb - 29 July 2019 D & House sale final - Feb 2020
Hi Dan, no I wouldn’t text her at all. My XW went for her month long adventure holiday and I think she’s flying back now. One text from me the whole month as an FYI as our son was sick but getting better. Cheers DS
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
Good on you too for mastering your thought patterns about your wife. I wish i had your ability. It’s getting better for me, but I still have ruminating thoughts. I block thoughts of when we were happy because these still cause me pain. I’ve relied on willpower as I find the thought pattern lessons hard to get a grip on. Willpower is exhausting though. Can I ask your method?
Me: early 40's XW: nearly 50 T: 15 M: 5 BD: Jan 19 S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24
