S - I am very sorry to hear about the recent things you have discovered. IMO you confront, tell her what you know and move forward with a plan of action. If she thinks she is getting away with something her behavior will continue, she will get more bold and who knows where it will lead.
When my XW moved out and ultimately D'd me she told a mutual family friend one day that I should be thankful that she did what she did now versus waiting until our D's had graduated from high school and were on their own. I am projecting here obviously but I hope your W is not placating you and hiding in the shadows until your D has graduated and moved on. That's why I think you have to nip it in the bud ASAP.
My 10 cents....best of luck with whatever you decide.
I believe there is a void that you can fill. Do you dirty text your wife?
I am starting with my woman right now:
Her:"network down at work" Me:"Hopefully you have other things to do" Her:"I do, but not very productive" Me:"I guess I should distract you then..." Her:"Yes..." Me:"I like your hair style Sat night...very sexy..."
I will keep ramping up....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Sorry to hear that things have backslid somewhat. I think this is to be expected from time to time, though you have a rather unique situation compared to most of us.
Perhaps finding some way to bring this up without confrontation would be the best route? I think if you go in guns blazing and seeming like the angry bad guy, that might push her farther back into the tunnel or toward someone else.
How to do that is tricky. And after all, you cannot control anything she does- as long as she has a phone she has immediate access to games in half a second.
I guess it comes down to what she wants out of a relationship. If she is still posting pictures and looking for male attention, i would also tend to.doubt where she is in her mind about the MR.
I can't tell you what to do, but when it was me and it bothered me, I just asked. I had zero emotion in my voice and I made sure I spoke plainly and clearly. I gave no ultimatums and I listened to her response.
Me:"I like your hair style Sat night...very sexy..."
I will keep ramping up....
ReadyToChange, fantastic idea! Why should only "bad" partners get that rush of flirty, fun texts? After reading your post, my partner didn't answer my call. I decided to give my hand a try.
Me: "I bet you're in the laundryroom washing something LACY for me tomorrow."
Steve85, maybe worth a try, if you don't already do it?
S - I am very sorry to hear about the recent things you have discovered. IMO you confront, tell her what you know and move forward with a plan of action. If she thinks she is getting away with something her behavior will continue, she will get more bold and who knows where it will lead.
When my XW moved out and ultimately D'd me she told a mutual family friend one day that I should be thankful that she did what she did now versus waiting until our D's had graduated from high school and were on their own. I am projecting here obviously but I hope your W is not placating you and hiding in the shadows until your D has graduated and moved on. That's why I think you have to nip it in the bud ASAP.
My 10 cents....best of luck with whatever you decide.
I just don't want to make the wrong move too quickly. Things have been so great that I was shocked to see the messages. I can't over emphasize how great things have been.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Sorry to hear that things have backslid somewhat. I think this is to be expected from time to time, though you have a rather unique situation compared to most of us.
Perhaps finding some way to bring this up without confrontation would be the best route? I think if you go in guns blazing and seeming like the angry bad guy, that might push her farther back into the tunnel or toward someone else.
How to do that is tricky. And after all, you cannot control anything she does- as long as she has a phone she has immediate access to games in half a second.
I guess it comes down to what she wants out of a relationship. If she is still posting pictures and looking for male attention, i would also tend to.doubt where she is in her mind about the MR.
I can't tell you what to do, but when it was me and it bothered me, I just asked. I had zero emotion in my voice and I made sure I spoke plainly and clearly. I gave no ultimatums and I listened to her response.
Wish I could help more - stay strong, man
Yeah, when and if I decide to confront, I'm very confident in my ability to do so. Ive read and learned enough to know how to do it properly.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Me:"I like your hair style Sat night...very sexy..."
I will keep ramping up....
ReadyToChange, fantastic idea! Why should only "bad" partners get that rush of flirty, fun texts? After reading your post, my partner didn't answer my call. I decided to give my hand a try.
Me: "I bet you're in the laundryroom washing something LACY for me tomorrow."
Steve85, maybe worth a try, if you don't already do it?
R2C, I do like the approach of making life so great that this Canadian loser has no chance! I'm pretty sure it has been already which is why I'm shocked about this. My W had divorced parents. A mother that remarried and was as committed and loyal to her husband as a person could be. And a father that couldn't keep it in his pants to save his life. I'm see both sides in her here. As we've often said, she wants her cake and eat it too.
I'll ramp up the attention and affection. And flirting. See what happens.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
