I understand S......what if it was a nudie or you saw more explicit language. Would that change anything for you? I guess my point is that in these types of exchanges is there something that would be a deal breaker for you?
Hey Stevie! Just read the news. Sometimes we fail, sometimes we let things go on and then get a bigger fail...
Why don�t you ask her? Face to face question.
Yep, definitely on the table! I'm trying to be a little more deliberate and not just react like I used to.
Thanks neffer, I agree, no one is perfect. I do think she thinks the distance makesn it "safe". I really think this is far from an EA. And I think as long as she is resistant to letting it get there, this guy will move on to easier territory.
I plan to keep an eye on things for now.
Last edited by Steve85; 08/26/1908:23 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I understand S......what if it was a nudie or you saw more explicit language. Would that change anything for you? I guess my point is that in these types of exchanges is there something that would be a deal breaker for you?
Yeah after 22 1/2 years together, I know the difference between her being polite and her being a little evasive, vs. her being really into the guy. She seems to be being evasive with him for the moment. When I caught the EA in Dec 2017 I knew right away that it was advanced and inappropriate. I don't get that impression this time. I get the impression he is reacting to her profile pic, and she does look gorgeous in it. But I don't see that she's done more than allowed him to email her. Maybe as others have said, a little but of that old addiction resurfacing.
Last edited by Steve85; 08/26/1908:31 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I understand, you just don't want it to escalate to something you can't come back from. You don't say anything and then Thursday you snoop and you catch her sending a nudie. You know her better than all of us so hopefully it doesn't come to all that.
I just took The Love Dare evaluation. The last time I did it was Feb. 2018. Scored a 172. Today, 563. Still plenty of room for improvement so I'm going to do the Dare again.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I understand, you just don't want it to escalate to something you can't come back from. You don't say anything and then Thursday you snoop and you catch her sending a nudie. You know her better than all of us so hopefully it doesn't come to all that.
I doubt that would happen. But after everything I've been through and seen here, I wouldn't be completely shocked by anything.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hey Steve-- just thought i'd chime in while i was over here. Kind of weird how we both started piecing around the same time (March/April last year) and now about the same time we are both hitting little speed bumps. I sincerely hope and pray that yours ends up being as inconsequential as (I think) mine has.
That said, I agree with AnotherStander and some of the others on here... I think this has to be nipped in the bud and i think it has to be soon. While I remain convinced that my own sitch unfolded just "as it was supposed to", and that if we didn't go through the depths of the affair like we did that we would not have reconciled... IN A VACUUM, concerning the affair itself, i still understand that by not putting my foot down IMMEDIATELY upon finding out about the nascent EA that i allowed/enabled it to become much stronger and for my W to become much more enamored with OM. I literally saw it happen.. it went from almost innocent flirtation and coy enjoyment of OM's blandishments and her saying "I dont think we could ever go out or be together, etc" to, three months later, her sobbing tearfully on the phone with him "I just want to jump on you and run away with you and almost can't bear to come in and see you because I know i wont be able to leave." It happens... intimacy leads to connection and the hormonal drug-like "high" they get gets stronger the closer AND HARDER TO BREAK the longer it goes on and the closer the relationship gets. By the time i finally did put my foot down with my W, it took almost a year for her to get completely "over" the other relationship... and it's possible that she might never had if one or two things had gone differently.
You need to act.
You have enough experience now to handle this smoothly, confidently, and adroitly, and Sandi2 who has also chimed in is the expert and can backstop you on this.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Thanks hoos. It is just rough because I have not slipped back in my 180s. There was one day a couple weeks ago I came home and due to a couple of things I started to get those old, resentful feelings. I held it together pretty well but she detected that I was upset. I insisted I wasn't, but later apologized to her. I explained that I hadn't felt great that day ( I didn't) and should have been more tolerant of the things that had made me withdraw.
I just finished reading day 1 of the love Dare. It's all about patience. And not trying to change your spouse or get upset about a mistake or fault. I need to be patient through this. I'll take action, but for now I'll hold off to avoid damage to the MR for now.
I'll probably journal a bit here in the meantime. But you're right, I've got some really smart folks here to help me when the time comes.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
And I would add, and hazard a guess, here, that Sandi would agree, that engaging in or even entertaining such a flirtation is seriously disrespectful to you and to the MR (and, actually, to herself) and can only serve to feed or reawaken a wayward mindset in her. I think it has to be stomped out and stomped out hard, much as artista in my thread today describes her own husband's response to her slip ups after they had started reconciling.
I really hope she chimes in here, too, and that Sandi2 stays close...
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
