Thanks guys. I appreciate the support and concern. I'm oddly numb after the brief sadness this morning. I'm actually in a really good place. Clear minded. I'm going to be fine no matter what. I know that. I think for me the sadness is all the lives that will be impacted. I know when my niece left her husband the affect of that was far reaching. My W and I have a much wider reach for a variety of reasons than my niece and her husband had.
I often say, life here is perfect.... That's why we look forward to heaven!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Man I’m sorry you are going through this again. I have been a proponent for the last 2-3 years that for there to be a true reconciliation the WWs need to go out on their own to realize their fantasy land is just a fantasy and not a reality. Until then they will always wonder.
Sounds like she’s mad she got caught.
I wouldn’t blame you if you were done. Three strikes and your out.
Yeah LH. I felt that she came to a realization of what she was losing and the consequences. With my W I suspect something bigger at work here. She is missing some fulfillment or sense of mental well-being without having the thrill of a chase. I really think that's a big pieceb of that. As well as her psyche meds affecting her judgement. But who knows, I'm no expert as you all are blatantly aware of now.
Last edited by Steve85; 08/28/1901:15 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Got a sudden urge to reach out to her. To call or text her. I know this is probably not the right approach. I would not talk about our current issue. It would be along the lines of a talk charge.
Thoughts?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Don't reach out to her. You know that it's not the right approach but your inner want to have a sense of control and information is making you want to reach out to her.
I know your sitch has been different and that W turned around in a fashion that we don't usually see here - which is why I always thought she was a unicorn, in a good way. But it just didn't feel right how it happened and I am sorry that that hunch came true. It just [censored] that you're now sitting here regretting buying that new house.
I am with LH on this one. I think that WWs have to go through their rock bottom of seeing what's at the end of fantasy land and only then they can come back. Your W didn't really get to feel the consequences of her actions and what that actually looks in reality. I think that opportunity has presented itself now.
This is why DBing is so much about the protection for the LBS. You did everything right and made 180s and changes, but she still lapsed back. Also reminds of J9 who did everything right but his W still didn't turn around. It's so much more about them than it is the LBS.
Got a sudden urge to reach out to her. To call or text her. I know this is probably not the right approach. I would not talk about our current issue. It would be along the lines of a talk charge.
Thoughts?
I wouldn't, man. "Addiction" aside, she's wayward, and you know that that is different. I know it. I've lived it. (Hoping Sandi2 shows up soon to comment on all this). You should be in "show me" status right now. I've been thinking bout y'all and will have more later... starting to think our similarities may be offset a bit and that you are actually at the place we were LAST spring... but i gotta jet to work now.
Hang in there.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Just want to say a huge thanks to this forum. Maika, yeah I think a lot of her turnaround last year was more "I'm stuck, need to make the best of it". Not so much of "wow this is so good I want to stay!"
And her smartphone addiction (which did definitely was up from March of last year to about April/May of this year) was too strong to completely overcome. And then she started getting that male, stranger attention and admiration, and boom, right down the rabbithole again.
My study and my research coupled with learnings here have really paid dividends with this relapse! New posters, please understand, yesterday was night and day compared to 12/23/2017!! And my W's response to it was so different too. There was no sadness or pathetic quality in my actions. It was a confident, resolute, "you ain't turning this around on me this time" alpha male presence. She did no threatening, no beating up, no jumping to "I'm done" this time. Maybe that will come, maybe it won't. But for now she is respecting me like she did not on 12/23.
I do recognize in hindsight how my post behavior could still best some responsibility for this. I'm not taking blame, but I'm recognizing the human nature of forgiveness. We can forgive, but we can never forget. While she wants to believe that the last 21 months is the new, real me, I'm sure deep down there is doubt and concern the old Steve85 could come back. The angry , critical, NGS Steve85. It in no way excuses any of her choices, but hey, she is human.
So, as is always the case, I'm not innocent. Though my culpability this time is for past sins, not current ones.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Got a sudden urge to reach out to her. To call or text her. I know this is probably not the right approach. I would not talk about our current issue. It would be along the lines of a talk charge.
Thoughts?
I wouldn't, man. "Addiction" aside, she's wayward, and you know that that is different. I know it. I've lived it. (Hoping Sandi2 shows up soon to comment on all this). You should be in "show me" status right now. I've been thinking bout y'all and will have more later... starting to think our similarities may be offset a bit and that you are actually at the place we were LAST spring... but i gotta jet to work now.
Hang in there.
Every sitch is unique. I'm interested in what you have to share, but I will say I'm not quite sure I agree we are where you guys were last spring. While I agree she had relapsed into WW status, it is no where near as bad or as deep as it was in 12/2017-2/2017 Maybe I'm reading it wrong but she's already taking steps to try to fix things. Maybe they are token or have no depth themselves. But on 12/23/2017 she was resolute that she was done. That she wanted out. And that there was no path to reconcilation. Maybe she's stalling this time. We'll see.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Every sitch is unique. I'm interested in what you have to share, but I will say I'm not quite sure I agree we are where you guys were last spring. While I agree she had relapsed into WW status, it is no where near as bad or as deep as it was in 12/2017-2/2017 Maybe I'm reading it wrong but she's already taking steps to try to fix things. Maybe they are token or have no depth themselves. But on 12/23/2017 she was resolute that she was done. That she wanted out. And that there was no path to reconcilation. Maybe she's stalling this time. We'll see.
She is cycling just like most women do, so one day good - 10 - 20 days later it is bad. Trust her consistant actions not all of the noise.
