No problem LH. I have made it clear that if she needs that in order to be happy then we have a problem. I made it clear that I was not interested in being married to someone that wanted to act like a single woman.
It's amazing how much freer, and more focused and in control you feel when you are not begging and crying and pleading. If nothing else I hope new posters read this and see the power in remaining calm but firm. And being resolute in what you want.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It's amazing how much freer, and more focused and in control you feel when you are not begging and crying and pleading. If nothing else I hope new posters read this and see the power in remaining calm but firm. And being resolute in what you want.
The transition from child like behavior to manly behavior. The growth feels great.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
It's amazing how much freer, and more focused and in control you feel when you are not begging and crying and pleading. If nothing else I hope new posters read this and see the power in remaining calm but firm. And being resolute in what you want.
The transition from child like behavior to manly behavior. The growth feels great.
R2C, make me a promise? That you will never leave the forum! I love your comments, you are awesome!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Quick update. Today was back to being a bit awkward. She was withdrawn. She has been staying busy with housework. I have been keeping busy, doing some stuff I needed to do. She has purposely been keeping her phone in the family room, plugged in and doesn't carry it with her. She went for a walk on the property, so I ran up to get some ethanol-free gas for the lawn equipment. I got the oil changed in her car (it was due) while I was out. (sorry LH, that will probably not make you happy, but chapter 2 of The Love Dare is to be kind. The challenge is to do something kind for your spouse.)
I got back and took a nap. (Amusement parks are exhausting at 50!) When I got up she still wasn't back. I got a little worried. I do not think she would engage in self-harm, but you never know. So I got some outside clothes on and went to walk the property to look for her. She was out pulling the weeds in the bushes in front of the house. I had bought bags of mulch for there that were just sitting waiting for the weeds to be pulled to put down. So when she would finish a section I would put mulch down. Conversation was mostly light, nothing deep. But it was enjoyable. It was as if for 45 minutes nothing was wrong! We talked a little bit about upping our bible study game. We are going to start doing our sunday school lessons together. We got the bushes bed weeded and mulched, and cleaned everything up. It was awesome and therapeutic. For the first time since Sunday when I found the emails I feel like I could be emotional. But I won't! I am a rock.
Last edited by Steve85; 08/30/1909:40 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Sorry if I am repeating but I wanted to make sure I said this.
When I was at the amusement park yesterday I started to think about how well she has it. I would see my image on coaster cam after a ride, and think, "Dang, I look good for 50!" I am in the best shape I've been in 8 years. I am having great success at work, making good money. I am not saying I am perfect, but I think she would be hard pressed to do better!
Sorry, I try to stay humble but I had to get that off of my chest.
Last edited by Steve85; 08/30/1909:46 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Lol. Change the oil don’t change the oil we both no doesn’t matter. We both have been around long enough to know it’s about respect. Does she respect you right now? If you’re being honest Steve it’s very debatable. I think you need to be careful here. You keep going to her when it needs to be the other way around. My ex’s brother is an addict. When he would fall of the wagon he was great at doing all the right things afterwards to make amends and my in-laws would eat it up every time. He would stay straight for awhile and then something would happen again. Last time he robbed their house stole their car and crashed it. Even after that no consequences. Addicts are master manipulators and know the right things to do or say.
You are as smart as they come here at I know it’s easier to advise others so I am very curious how you handle this with your feet to the fire. I’m going to challenge you.
Lol. Change the oil don’t change the oil we both no doesn’t matter. We both have been around long enough to know it’s about respect. Does she respect you right now? If you’re being honest Steve it’s very debatable. I think you need to be careful here. You keep going to her when it needs to be the other way around. My ex’s brother is an addict. When he would fall of the wagon he was great at doing all the right things afterwards to make amends and my in-laws would eat it up every time. He would stay straight for awhile and then something would happen again. Last time he robbed their house stole their car and crashed it. Even after that no consequences. Addicts are master manipulators and know the right things to do or say.
You are as smart as they come here at I know it’s easier to advise others so I am very curious how you handle this with your feet to the fire. I’m going to challenge you.
I wish you could be here LH. One thing that is clear to me this time, unlike they two times. She definitely respects me. Either that or she's an Oscar award winning actress.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve, She can't just put the phone down for a while and get over her addiction. She has larger issues that need to be resolved. And phones are ubiquitous. She will always have one close at hand. This isn't a viable long term solution.
Also, yes, roller coasters are harder on you the older you get!
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
